Saturday, December 24, 2011

Merry Christmas

So I've been home for about 2 weeks now and this is by far my best break yet. I've been spending time with family and friends and its been way sick. Things haven't changed one bit with anyone I've told either. Even though I'm not out to everyone I hang out with daily, its just getting to the point of where I don't care if they know or not. I have been planning on telling a couple more close friends here but its still kind of hard to bring it up even though I've done it over a dozen times (fucking cant believe I'm out to that many people haha).

Well I have been meaning to write more than I have but I rarely even use my computer while I'm home since I'm out of the house always. I'm gonna try to do some more than what I have but until then... MERRY CHRISTMAS and HAPPY HOLIDAYS. Enjoy the time you have with friends and family and I hope you all have a wonderful holiday :)

This is me putting up our big ass tree and
our dog Chelsea doing her part haha

And this is the final product :)

Saturday, December 10, 2011

some new important stuff


So it’s been a while since my last post and there have some interesting things that have happened…

First off, I’m back home and I couldn’t be any happier. Being at school and isolated from civilization takes a toll on the body and mind. Finals week was a bit stressful but I got through it (barely) and I’m waiting to see my grades, which hopefully I did well on… This past semester has really been something. I would have never imagined the things I have done and the things I’ve talked so openly about with my friends. The conversations I’ve had with the people that know have been so sick. The guys on my team are so open about asking questions and don’t care what I say or have done. When I do stuff with a guy (very rarely), they want “every detail like they were a 5 year-old” (that’s what they say to me) haha so they want to know if I was bottom, top, where I shot, where we hooked up at, etc. Its so funny talking about hookups with them cause they love hearing the things and think its really cool stuff haha

Something else that is new… is that I bottomed for the first time. It was a solid first time and actually kind of enjoyed it. It wasn’t as bad as I thought it was going to be and would defiantly do it again in the right moment.

I have told two more people about the little secret of mine that is slowly becoming a secret anymore. I told a buddy of mine last weekend that used to play soccer at my school with me but dropped out and went to another college after our sophomore year. He lives 45 minutes from my school so he came back for the weekend and right before he was gonna head home, I told him. He was real chill by it and was really surprised. He had no idea I was gay. This kid is actually someone I think I mentioned before because he said he was a homophobe our freshman year and that he hates gay people. Luckily he has changed over the past couple of years because of the girl he dates is  a hairstylist so he said he has met a lot cool gay people from dating her. I thanked him for being so cool about it all in a text and he said “of course bro, wouldn’t think any differently about you it is what it is. But it was good seeing yo ass no homo ;) haha and you def need to come to Raleigh. Hopefully ill have my own place by next semester so you will have a place to crash” It seriously is awesome when I get responses like these! And the other person I told was a girl from back home. It happened over skype last week. She was with another a girl friend that already knew cause they both go to Alabama and I just kind of told her haha She freaked out and was so happy for me and was saying we should have a party for me and that when I go visit them at school, they will take me to a gay bar that they have been too haha

That’s I think all the relatively new important stuff. Im driving right now to go watch my best friend from back home play a college basketball game in Kansas which should be sick

Friday, November 25, 2011

It's time

I got chills watching this for some reason. Really hope this is how it is in the future...

Thursday, November 17, 2011

it's not all about sex pt.2

It's not really part 2 but couldn't really think of a catchy title so I opted for that haha...

Well, I dont know where to start so I guess I will say I met up with the blogger again...twice... And both times were better than the previous. We still didn't have sex (even though he wanted too haha) and the times were fantastic. Its awesome just relaxing and being yourself with no worries about having to censor what you say/how you act. Its different than being around a straight friend and Im not sure why. Maybe because the guy likes dick as well so we think similarly or it might be because I like him or it could be both.

This happened last Thursday and Friday. We were at our conference tournament and we were staying in a hotel about 45 minutes from his school. I talked to him about possibly meeting up and it worked out. He came over to my hotel about 9:30 at night cause we had a banquet earlier in the night. I was rooming with my roomy here at school and he also knows. So I told him that I was having a visitor and explained the situation so he was cool with it. The kid was nervous being that he hasnt actually been around people he didnt know that knew about him or even be around people that knew in general. And I was nervous that I was actually introducing a guy to a friend of mine.  But he came up and met my roomy and we just chilled and talked for a while. Watched a movie and eventually I texted 2 other guys that know about me to come meet him. They both knew about the kid because they've seen me texting him and they are always asking questions and stuff about the situation. So they came down and we all just chilled talking about random stuff for about 2 hours. We were supposed to have lights out at 11 but we ended up going to Wafflehouse cause we were pretty hungry. It was so chill with the guys knowing about me actually meet a guy and be around me when Im with another dude. It was defiantly a good feeling and really wish its always like that.

But we got back from Waffle house and headed back to the room. It wasn't expected that the kid was going to stay the night cause  I had a game the next day but he did. And Im super glad he did. That was the first time for me to sleep with a guy and it was defiantly a good feeling and I loved it. Its a feeling that I cant describe but I wish it happened more often than it does. We did some things before fallin a sleep but that wasnt the highlight of the night. Sex or whatever isnt too big for me I guess. I like to cuddle and just lay with the guy. Yeah playing with each other is fun but idk, i like the sense of being with the guy more. (soft or gay i know, but thats how i am haha). So in the morning, I walked him to his car and we did the a goodbye kiss :)

So the next day, we had our game but lost. We stayed the night and were gonna travel back to school in the morning so took the opportunity and invited the kid over again. So he did and this night was just as good. Slept together again and just hung out at night. Talked some more, watched tv, and just chilled. This time was funny cause we fell a sleep without getting off and when we woke up, we were pretty horny and started playing around. I had to be down at breakfast pretty soon but that didn't stop us. And right when I was cumming, my roomy that was supposed to stay with me, was knockin at the door to come in cause he stayed with someone else haha I was like 'oh fuck, we need to hurry' He got off pretty quickly as well then we rushed to the bathroom so we could clean up. I opened the door with cum on my stomach and completely naked but kind of hiding from within the bathroom but luckily my roomy left haha So we showered pretty quickly and then we had to say our goodbyes. We took the elevator down together and did the goodbye kiss. Couldnt walk him out cause my teammates were already down there eating.

Overall it was fuckin awesome to get to chill again with the kid. I really do enjoy the time we spend together and hope it can continue. He said he would come visit me at school but that has yet to happen haha its just we are both pretty busy so it kind of sucks. Hopefully it happens though :)

Wednesday, November 16, 2011

another season down

Well another season is over. We didn't make it into the NCAA tourny which kind of sucks. I really just want to at least to make it to the first round. I guess I got one more season to make it happen which makes me feel extra weird being that I'm about to be a senior! I honestly don't know how I feel about that. On one hand, I want to get the fuck out of school but on the other hand, I like the sense of security I have here. I dont have much to worry about but then again, I kind of want things to worry about.

Just the feeling of being able to provide for myself is gonna be so sick. Getting a job and establishing my life will mean so much to me. I think about this stuff constantly. Where I will live, what I will do for work, what I will be able to feed myself haha, if I will stay in shape (i better!), my future partner, future family, being a uncle and a dad and a great family man. Its all generic stuff that affects how I will live but it all crosses my mind on a daily basis. A lot of times, I kind of want to just fast-forward my life so I can skip past these worries. Or at least somehow get a look at what I will be like in the future. Anyone else feel that way?

Some good news not regarding soccer is that I landed my internship. It defiantly isn't the one I wanted but I guess I have to take what I can get. Its for First Citizens Bank in Raleigh. So this coming summer my plan is to live here and go to work everyday. Its a paid internship which is always a plus and this will defiantly get me the hands-on experience that I want for my major...Other good news regarding soccer haha is that I could be going to England this coming summer. My college team is planning to take a trip there for about 10 days and travel to a couple cities and play exhibition games and train at some pro grounds. It should be so sick if it actually works out. I first need to tell my intern people that too haha

--And a professional soccer player came out the other day. David Testo played a couple seasons in the MLS and then went down a division. He was pretty successful but now kind of in search of a team. Here's the link to check out his story. I recommend it!

Friday, November 4, 2011

Its always a good feeling

I honestly do feel like people take 'the news' better than expected. From how all of my friends have reacted to me telling them, I would NEVER of thought they would be so cool about it all. Just in general how my friends are I guess is why I thought they would take it differently. But yesterday I told another friend from back home. It was kind of random but ive been meaning to tell him for a while, just never got the right feeling to do it. Somehow yesterday I got it.

I sent him a text the night before saying I need to tell him something tomorrow so when he gets time, hit me up. Him being a D1 basketball player, I figured he wouldn't get much time to chat and I had lifting and practice, so I decided to send him a facebook message. This was the first time ive used this method of coming out but it worked out in the end.

Here is what I sent him:
"so i have this thing that I have been meaning to tell you for a while but its just not the easiest thing to do and I just didn't want to tell you in fear of losin a friend... i hope you understand and just know that im not any different than before tellin you this... but im gay :/ ive known for a while but havent told to many people because i didnt want negative reactions and didnt want to lose the group of friends i have. ive told bob, fred, salley, and lucy back in january during christmas break but have been conscious of who else to tell. im not very proud of it but i also dont really want to hide it as much if that makes sense. im not gonna change into a flamer or anything like that but thats just not me... you can ask me anything you want about it and i dont mind talking about it or you can talk to the other homies cause they've asked me a good amount of stuff. i just dont want for things to be awkward or weird and dont want to lose any friends over this small little detail of my life...." (changed the names of course haha)


After I sent the message, I sent him a text saying to check out his fb and he should probs read it alone since it could be a shocker. He replied a couple minutes later saying he replied and to hit him back after I read it. At that point, I just got to lifting and I had practice right after so I was pretty nervous the whole time playing. Right when I got into the lockeroom from training, I checked my fb to see his message. It was awesome to see his response and see that he didn't care. I texted him back saying thanks and I really appreciated what he said.

And this was his reply:
"Man as long as you're happy, I don't give a damn who you are into broham...ain't shit gon change this way! You'll always be my nig lol I appreciate that you think enough of me to allow me to be one of the few you have told tho" and he also sent this text later on... "Yea its nothin for real...I just wanna make sure I don't offend you in any way when we are all chillin ya know?"

So yeah, its always a great feeling when you come out to someone and their response is a good one.


Thursday, November 3, 2011

thoughts about pride

Last night I was doing my normal channel flipping when I turned on my TV. First I go to Espn, Espn2, fox southwest, then VH1 and MTV. Its just a habit I guess cause those are really the only channels I watch. But last night as I got to MTV, I saw a pride flag so without hesitation, I stopped. I tend to find myself watching or reading anything and everything that involves a gay issue. It interests me for some reason. I think its cause its the curiosity I have toward the gay community but im not sure...

Anyways, on MTV was Real World San Diego. Its the new season I guess and this was the first episode I've seen but this show was about the Pride parade they went to. One of the cast members is a lesbian (she's mad cool) and another cast member is either gay or bi (not too sure). But the gay guy had a friend with him the whole time. They made a good couple and were always kissing and doing little things that really made me happy for some reason. It was awesome to see this guy who never experienced stuff like this get to be free and not worry what others thought. The gay cast member said he never has done stuff with a guy in public but at the Pride parade, he was all over his friend. It was cute. It was like a painted picture of what I want.

I've actually never been a huge fan of the Pride parade. I think its too over the top and pretty unnecessary but I've slowly started to accept it. Its awesome to see so many people come together and support the cause. Gay and straight both were out there having a blast. Pride parades aren't about the guys wearing speedos and showing how 'gay' they can be but rather to show that love is important in no matter what form. Being straight and loving your wife/husband is the same as being gay and loving your wife/husband. This recognition of love and equality is defiantly turning for the better and its awesome to be part of the history of it.

One thing during the show that kind of got to me was the cast-mates roomys. I wish I remembered the names cause it would make this description easier haha but the lesbian and gay guy's cast-mates had to come work at some booth during the parade. There was 2 (one guy and one girl) in particular that weren't very fond of the whole idea of the parade or even the gay community. They both just sat in the booth with blank stares the whole time. Both were so uncomfortable and just made it awkward I felt. The guy said he didn't really approve of the gay thing and was just very closed-minded. The girl started to open up as the show went on which was cool. But these things just dont make sense. Why do people care so much of who likes who or who sleeps with who when it doesn't concern/involve them at all. People should just mind their own business and not worry what others are doing.

ps- thanks for all the comments on the last post! really surprised me how many people actually read it! haha

Thursday, October 27, 2011

it's not all about sex

Disclaimer: This is kind of a long post. There are many grammatical errors. This might be my first and last time going into detail about a hookup. It does get kind of cheesy in some parts. And this isn't too much about the hookup but more about the great time I had... haha

It's been a while since my last hookup. It was over the summer when I spent time with another guy having some fun. But there wasn't much too it. No connection, no communication, just hook up and go. There was very little conversation and not much engagement. I guess I can't expect to much from a craigslist post but I still wanted something more. I like getting to know a guy and seeing how he thinks, how he feels. I feel like it makes the 'fun' that much better...

Well, I got to experience that connection for the first time. I've never had a hookup like the one I did this past Sunday night. It wasn't just about getting off and leaving. It was about connecting with the guy. We talked for hours, watched movies, sat in silence, just basically chilled. It was perfect.

It all started when I got to his school around 1pm. I met him outside his dorm and he got in my car and we started talking like we've been knowing each other for years. We texted prior to meeting up in order to have some plans in mind so when I got him, we went straight to lunch. He showed me to a local brunch type place which was real good. We finished lunch then went to watch Romeo and Juliet the play at his school. He had to attend it for a class and he also had friends performing in it. It was a sick production and I had a great time. Even though we didnt talk much for the 2 hours in the theater, it was awesome just to be hangin with a similar guy. I've never been in that situation and it felt good for some reason.

After the play, I actually left to go visit my grandparents who lived close by his school. He had homework to finish up so it worked out perfectly. When I was done visiting my grandparents, I headed back to his school. I texted him saying I was there and he just said to head to his dorm. (He showed me earlier before the play.) So I went up to his room where he was there playing video games with his friends. I met all them and made some small talk about my school. But they left quickly and so did we.

We checked into a local hotel for the night. He has a roomy so it probably would of been weird to just chill with him being there so we thought a hotel was the best bet (which it was haha.) But we got to the room around 945ish. Put our stuff down and just sat on the beds. (We got 2 queens cause the guys at the front desk asked us and said it would of been weird if we got 1 king lol) So we sat there on our separate beds just watching Transformers. We talked about random things; family, friends, gay/bi issues, cars, music, fashion, our futures, traveling, and plenty more. It was awesome getting to know him more than what I already did. Even though we disagreed on some things (muscle car vs new BMW), I had a great time talking. The more I found out about him, the more I liked him.

We talked for about 4 hours. It wasn't until 2 am we got into the same bed. I'm not sure why it took so long cause I wanted to jump in his bed right when we got there lol But I guess the wait made it that much better... When we were laying there, we talked some more. Exchanged come compliments and compared who had better hair (I won haha) and then things started moving along. We kissed, pulled away and stared at each other,  and kissed again. It was awesome.

Things got a lil more heated after the long makeout sesh. Both of us started taking each others clothes off one by one. We continued to kiss and grab each other. (The roughness and masculinity of a guy is mad sexy haha i love it) Then I was first go down on him and we switched a couple times taking turns. He got on top of me and I got on top of him. We didnt have sex but it wasn't needed. After about 30 minutes of kissing, jerking, and sucking on the bed, we moved to the shower and proceeded to do the same in there.

When we got out of the shower, we got back on the bed but this time, it wasn't as rough. We took our time and cuddled a bit. We laid there talking about random things with the occasional kiss here and there. That was the part I loved the most. Just being in the arms of another guy and holding another guy was perfect. I sound so soft saying that but I really enjoyed that haha

We did eventually get off, me being first (took awhile which was kind of awkward/embarrassing haha) but he was cool with it and then he got off. It was about 2 hours from when we started and every second was perfect. Things weren't rushed. Things weren't awkward (besides the last part). And things were just like how it should of been. Everything felt natural and for the first time I was myself the whole time.

After getting off, we laid in bed for a bit just cuddling some more and talking about how much fun we had and how we should of started right when we got into the room. I also had to leave to head back to school since I had lifting at 8am. That part sucked the most cause I wanted to just be in his arms and relax with him but I couldn't. So I dropped him off back at his school and got a goodbye hug and kiss. Since then we've talked some more and have planned on meeting again which I hope happens soon.

This whole experience was awesome and it felt great just to be with someone who didn't want to get his dick sucked and leave. The connection defiantly made the night that much better. Being attracted to someone physically isn't enough for me. I have to be emotionally attracted as well and to this guy, I was.

...Oh, and forgot to mention it was with a fellow blogger as well :)

Sunday, October 16, 2011

coming out 101

This is my 101st post and its also the one year anniversary since coming out to my first person. I cant even believe how far I've come within the year since telling my roommate. Its crazy to even think about the times before anyone knowing. Now, I'm out to 13 people total and I'm pretty content with that. It feels good to know things haven't changed one bit since tellin my first person. I've debated whether or not to tell some more teammates. I kind of just want to gain all the respect possible before telling any more. That means by being a leader on the team in my mind. I scored another goal so thats two for the season but still no where near how many I should have by now. Especially compared to my numbers from freshman and sophomore year. We still got some games left though to change all that so we'll see what happens.

And for some advice I thought I was share for anyone struggling to come out or even thinking about coming out. Do it when you feel right and dont rush it. You have time and there is no time limit to when you need to tell someone. Also, from my experiences, things dont change no matter how bad you think someone will take it. Yeah it might take time for someone to adjust too it, but in the end, people will come around and still be with you...

Well thats about it, just goin out with some guys to celebrate our birthdays and get a drink (legally) haha take it easy everyone!

Thursday, October 13, 2011

Question #5

The times I've been with a guy, I was the one who got off second. And one time, a dude busted twice before I did once. Not sure what was. I wasnt really attracted to him and I had some alone time the night before so that probs had something to do with it.

But is it good to last long? Or is it better just be over and done with it? haha

responses to the past posts

Instead of individually commenting on all the responses, I'm just gonna do a post cause there were a shit ton of things said haha I really appreciate all the support and feedback I get. It means a lot and its awesome to see that stuff when I got on here.

As for question #4, haha ya it probs was TMI but just something I wasn't too sure about but yall defiantly cleared it up and thanks for that. Im not planning on rushing into any of that but Im defiantly gonna be carfeful when/if it does happen.

Thanks for the birthday wishes. It was a good birthday overall I guess with my mom comin up to see me.

And for the last post... I didnt say anything just. You could say I pussied out but I just dont want things to get complicated right now. Not saying they will, but they defiantly could. I have been debating on whether to tell a couple more guys but just not sure who yet. Im pretty content with the 4 guys knowing right now. We joke about it and they give me shit for it (in a good way) so Im happy with it.

To answer some of the questions that were posted in the comments... Season is goin okay. Could be better (but thats typically how it always is). Personally, not doin what I expect myself to do. Kind of in a sticky situation right now as well and it sucks to be in it. I think we are like halfway through our season so hopefully it can turn around... I took the music off cause not sure if people actually listen to it, and just kind of get lazy to change the playlist lol might add it later on

I think thats about it, you can comment with any questions and Ill probs respond there or on another post

Tuesday, October 11, 2011

this shit sucks to see

This was written on "Freds" iPad from a teammate... (Fred, Peter, and the kid who wrote are all on my team).  So its just a joke but its still some shit that kind of pisses me off. None of these guys know about me and im not sure if I want them too. Im pretty close with the kid who wrote it and the other two guys are just friends/teammates I guess. Not guys that I would hang out with one on one. But here it, just copied and pasted it from facebook...
my name is Fred. Unfortunately I am coming to the realization that I am a fucking faggot. I really and truly like dick. All of my friends joke around about me being gay but the joke is on them because, in fact, I am 100 percent homosexual. Sometimes when I'm alone I like to take off all of my clothes and go on my roommate Peter's facebook page. I think he is just perfect and I can see myself being with him for the rest of my life. How do I tell him this? How do I tell him that what he thinks is a joke is actually my life? How do i tell him that he's always on my mind and that I would do anything to be with him? One day he will know the truth. But for now, I will just go with the flow and keep pretending I fuck girls in order for all the guys to think I am straight, when really I am jacking off thinking of them. One day Peter will be mine and I will be all his. One day he will know that it has not been a joke all this time. One day the world will know that I, Fred, am in love with penis.

Sunday, October 9, 2011

being 21

Within the past couple of weeks, I've turned 21. And for my huge 21st celebration, I sat in my room and watched tv by myself. It might of been my worst birthday so far. We had a game the next day so couldnt go out and celebrate like a typical 21 year old would. And my roomy was with some chick so just chilled by my lonesome haha

My mom did fly up and see me though that weekend and watched two of my games (when i was playing, but thats for another post) and it was awesome spending time with her. She took me shopping and got me some things that I needed. Took me out for two birthday dinners haha First one was Outback which is my favorite restaurant then the next night she wanted to take me out to a nice place. So we went to Raleigh to Ruth's Chris. Im not much of a steak guy and I never order it when I go out but dammmnn, that shit was sooo banging. That place was mad expensive though and I felt like we could of went somewhere else but my mom said you only turn 21 once haha I also ordered my first drink there but we split it cause I had a game again the next day. She ended up drinkin most of it though

It was a solid weekend though when she came up, Im always happy to see my family, especially my mom. She's awesome :)

As for being 21, dont feel much different. Havent even got to a bar or anything just cause season right now and my roomy is only 20 so feel bad for leaving him behind. Just gonna have to wait for that...

Question #4

Since I've never had sex with a dude, is there any per-cautioninery things you have to do before yall start going at it? Some peoples asses might not be to clean to start fuckin on the spot and some might have to use the restroom before they start but dont have time. So is there anything for a guy to do to prepare to be smashed? haha

I just think it could be nasty if the top pulls out with some stuff on his tip haha

Wednesday, September 28, 2011

its one of those nights


Tonight is one of the nights where I had someone to hang with. Just talk, watch a movie, play fifa, or even sit there in silence would be fine. Its just knowing that he is there when I need him.

I just wrote a post then completely deleted it cause of how pissed I am. It was some venting of my game tonight and it made me sound like a complete dick. Tonight is a night where I wish I didnt play soccer. Thats hard to say but right now, I wish I was living the care-free college life.

Dont know what else to say. I want to write stuff down but I have so many thoughts goin on right now.

ps-awesome responses to the last post (those actually cheered me up some, pretty detailed responses)

Monday, September 26, 2011

Question #3

So I did a thing of where I asked a question hoping to get some responses but I havent dont it in a while so I thought I would give it another go around. I think I was on question 3 so here it is...

Would you rather get a bj or give a bj?

I know some guys like to be givers and others like to take. Im not sure what I like more. The few bj's Ive got, I just didnt think anything special of it and the few that I've given, I was never happy with the dude I was with. So I think it might depend on the guy or situation I'm in. Also just in my own thoughts, I feel like if I admitted to like giving a bj more, that would make me so much more gayer than getting one haha

Saturday, September 17, 2011

Baltimore

Recently was in Baltimore and it defiantly surprised me. Its a sick city! I never have been there before but I kind of want to go back already. Did some walking around by the bay where there were so many restaurants and shops to go to.

This post didnt really have a meaning besides the exploration of a new city and my first mobile post. Downloaded a blogger app to my new phone and thought I would try it out.

Added some pics that were somewhat cool. The pic of the scrap metal and the concrete blocks were from the World Trade Center and  Pentagon from 9/11. It was outside the World Trade Center there.

Take it easy world!






Thursday, September 15, 2011

what am i doin with my life

Blogger is a great way to avoid homework haha 4th post of the night...this is for sure a personal record

Today we visited Bank of America for my major. What I'm studying in school defiantly isn't a everyday degree. Its along the lines of finance stuff though. Can't really get too in depth about it all but for my class, we took a trip to Charlotte this afternoon. We went to the top floor of the BoA building for some panel discussions and a very richy lunch. It was way sick. It opened my eyes to what my major offers and the opportunities it provides me. I'm pretty excited about the future. I actually wouldn't mind graduating next week and moving onto the working world. Yeah college is supposed to be the best years of your life, but I honestly haven't experience that. It could be soccer keeping me back from that, or being a closeted gay, or going to a small ass private school in the middle of nowhere, or me just not putting myself out there. I would say its a combination of all those but I think I'm ready to move on.

Another reason for me to get into the real world: relationship possibilities or at least meeting other gay people. Being at this school defiantly limits my chances of finding a chill guy to hang with. I guess my gaydar blows anyways so it makes it that much harder. I just feel like once Im on my own in a different city, I might be able to make some moves, meet some people. Dont really have a plan for that but I think it might be somewhat easier. I dont know though, I just want to be done with school and makin money...

I just want to be successful in all aspects of my life in the future


...and holy shit, just looked at my hw, probs should of done that instead of bloggin haha

some new fellow bloggers

My blog has helped me beyond belief. It started with me wanting to vent my feelings and emotions but it has turned out to be a little network of support. The encouragement and love I have been showed by everyone who comments or reads my blog has helped me in my journey tremendously! And I really thank yall for that...

So, with all the support I have gotten, their are some new guys who have started blogging for the same reasons I have and could probably use some words of wisdom as well. Here are two new blogs that have been started within the past couple of days that I cant wait to read their stories...

Check them out sometime! Belgian Guy and NormalKid88

sick videos for an athlete lover

Here are two sick and inspiring videos for any athlete lover...

"When you want to succedd as bad as you want to breathe..."


And as for the Becks/ Ronaldo debate... Yes I think Beckham is hotter, but no doubt about it, Ronaldo has an insane body! He is absolutely shredded!! And he is a fuckin is ridiculous footballer. This just shows why is one of the best in the world. Its a real good video if you have extra time.

my type

Im not sure if I've wrote about this before but I'll do it again anyways since a commenter requested haha

I dont really have a type I would say, but I have some preferences. One being the guy should be masculine. Not necessarily by playing sports or working out a lot, but he shouldn't wear females clothes or talk with a lisp. I dont mind that type of people, but its just not for me to date. I love a normal guy who you wouldn't guess to be gay or into dudes. I find a lot of my straight friends to be perfect type of guys just because they dont give off the gay vibes (if that makes sense.) Im also kind of only into white guys. Again, its just a preference and not saying im racist by any means. I like all types of people. Thinking about it, my good group of friends is a pretty diverse group of people with all races. One of my best friends is black and he knows and took it pretty well too. As for a way a guy dresses, I like athletic type of clothing but also a guy who can dress up and look good going out. Not a fan of someone who takes 45 minutes too get ready though or someone who fake tans and its extremely noticeable. I like a nice tan line though below the waist :)

uhhhhhh a nice body is always good. Not asking for a straight up 8 pack but in decent shape is good. For body hair, I like some hair in the right places. Chest, arms, legs is all good unless your looking like teenwolf lol Clean shaven guys can be hot too. I do like when a guy shaves down below. I think its gross if a guy doenst clean up and its a forest down there. Im not trying to get a hairball! Thats a turnoff for me... I like facial hair or some scruff, thats real nice. Blonde hair or brown hair are typically the guys I look at but I've seen some real hot red heads before.

And overall, personality is a HUGE thing for me. If you aren't cool to chill with, then nothings gonna happen. I tend to be drawn to normal acting guys. Jokes here and there, serious talk, can hold a conversation, talk about whatever are all important things. I feel like talking is a huge part of a relationship so being able to connect on a personal level is key for me.

Thats about it I think. I guess thats somewhat of a description of a guy I would date :) hahah

Wednesday, September 7, 2011

gay talk with the guys

So we went to the beach on Sunday and it was so chill. Perfect weather and the water felt amazing. I would love to live near a beach. There are soooo many good looking people of both sexes! I love to people watch and check others out haha

At one point, I was in the water with 3 of the 4 guys that know and there was a situation where there were 2 girls and 1 guy so they were tryin to have me go talk to the dude so the guys could talk to the girls. It was funny cause we started talkin about how he wasnt my type and stuff like that. And they were saying that your always gonna have a hookup to where your not proud about lol I just thought it was cool that we were talking about it so openly and they were asking what my type was and stuff. It was pretty funny.

And then at dinner Monday night, I was there with 3 guys who knew again and one asked me who my top five guys at school I thought were good looking. I dont know there names so I just said there were a couple in my classes and that I would point them out if I saw them around. Then we just went to famous people about who I thought was hot. I named some and they were naming guys and judging them as well lol Then I said I would take David Beckham over Cristiano Ronaldo and they got pissed at me. They couldnt believe I said that and they were giving me shit for that. It was real funny that they were judging guys with me and stuff.

Then we were talking about hookups or something along those lines. And one guy said "you got to slay the dragons to get to the princess." I said "Im not trying for the princess" and he was like, "then you got to slay them to get to the prince homie" hahahah I was cracking up when he said that. (and if yall dont understand it, dragons are ugly guys obviously and the prince is the hot guy lol) Its awesome that the guys are so open about talking about it with me and asking me questions. It feels fuckin awesome not havin to avoid answers about girls and stuff. Feel so much better on the inside since telling them. Its awesome not being treated any differently since tellin those guys which is cool.

Thats about it thats new. scored a goal that other day that was so sick and I was shocked I scored it lol It was probs one of my better if not best ones I've ever scored. School is still school so nothing new there.

Thats about it I guess. Hope everyone has had a good Labor Day weekend!

--And thanks for all the comments on the last post!! Means a lot to me people :)

Monday, September 5, 2011

a new kid to read about

So there is another blogger that has a story to tell. He emailed me a bit ago and since then, we talk pretty frequently. He is a real chill guy with a lot to talk about. I don't want to spoil to much about him, but he's a great guy even though he isn't a fan of Drake (my favorite rapper). Im sure his blog will be sick to read so check him out: East Coast Closet Case. I cant wait for more posts


Thursday, August 25, 2011

told some teammates!

So after some thinking and reading old stories about athletes on teams coming out, I decided to go for it. And the whole gay thing was on my mind a lot this past week so I needed to tell somebody the secret...Well it turned out, I would tell 3 guys. I told all of them on separate nights and they all took it really well.

The first guy, I told this past Sunday night. He is also my roommate along with my teammate that already knows. So the two guys Im living with this year know. They wont be freaked out now if I bring a guy back (if I ever find one) haha. But it was pretty easy too, I just told him I needed to tell him something earlier in the night. So after one of our friends left, he asked me what it was I needed to tell him. He just got out the shower and was drying off and was like "so what was it that you were gonna tell me?", I kind of laughed and just said put some clothes on and I'll tell you. Would of been a bit ironic if I told him while he was naked in front of me lol. So he put clothes on and came into my roomys room who already knows. I just explained the situation how I told my other roomy back in October (crazy its been so long since i've told him!!) and that Ive told my family and stuff. He was a kid I've wrote about that is religious and has said some stupid stuff about gay people but he was real cool about it. He didn't mind it and said some stuff about bible references that made sense and were kind of in my favor so it was cool. After like 10 minutes of talking, he was like "alright, I got a question...do you beat off then?" Me and my other roomy started cracking up and I just said yes and he had a pretty funny look on his face. It was just random that was like the only question he asked. haha

Then I told the 2nd teammate Monday night. He came over to play fifa and we were waiting on other teammates to get here cause they had study hall and we didnt so he was playing while i was on my laptop. I just told him during the game that I needed to tell him something once he was done. He paused the game and just said to tell him now but I kept saying I will tell him after. He laughed and was said I was scaring him lol but so after the game ended, I explained the situation to him how I told the guy the previous night and my other roomy last year. He was real cool about it and said that I shouldn't hide it and I should be proud about it. Im still in the stage of accepting it and I think im trying to tell people that way its for sure (if that makes sense). Like i still think its weird I like dick and stuff haha... Anyways back to the story: I told him and he told me that he has a gay uncle he is real close to and an aunt who is gay as well. He related to it and stuff and it was real cool. He thanked me for telling him and was proud of me for telling him. It felt good to hear him say that. (if yall remember an old post about me and my teammates at zaxbys last semester, this was the kid who said he would kill his child if it was gay, so i know like that stuff doesnt mean shit if people actually do come out) So then i sent him a text that night thanking him for being so cool about it all and it meant a lot to me. He replied "yea man im always here for you bro!! you my nig too! appreciate you trustin me n tellin me man. That takes alot of courage. You will always be my homie!" then 2 minutes later "dawgg I gotta tell u a funny story tomm...tennis chick came over again hahaha this is funny" So nothing has changed between us since telling him haha

Then last night was the 3rd guy I told. I asked him to download me a cd (The Carter IV, lil Waynes new cd, its sick so check it out) cause the school blocks our internet and cant download shit here. So he got it and I asked if I could come by and get it and said ya and I told him I needed to tell him something as well. I got there, got the cd, then started talking a bit. Then just told him. How I told the other guys and everything. He has 3 gay cousins and some friends back home that are gay as well so he was real chill about it. He also said I should be proud of it and that it took mad courage to come out. He thanked me for keeping him in the circle of trust so he could know haha. Then he apologized for anything in the past he said that would be offensive. i thought that was pretty sick of him to do that. I just told him, its all in good fun and its not takin seriously. But that was it really. We were together today and nothing any different. This kid is the roommate of the 2nd guy I told so they might talk about it and I said its cool if they do. Also to ask me anything if they have questions or anything.

So ya, pretty big steps I think and might be telling a couple more soon. Im just to the point of I dont care what others think cause Im junior, do work on the field and people respect me on and off the field (sounds cocky i know but it helps me build confidence lol)

Got our first season game tomorrow against a ranked team so should be sick. Pretty excited to start this season. I needs to get to bed now, class in the am... Later world!




Saturday, August 20, 2011

start of junior year

Well school is back in session and I made it through preseason alive. It really wasn't nearly as hard as it has been the past two years. Im sure the training prior to returning to school or playing soccer all summer had something to do with it being easier. I did pretty well on my fitness tests and our squad is looking pretty solid for this year.

Last weekend, we had our first scrimmage game. It was a road trip for us that was supposed to take only 6 hours... it didn't. Our bus broke down on the side of the highway for 8 HOURS!! It was ridiculous! We were 2 hours away from our hotel when the bus just suddenly like shutdown. So the driver pulled over and tried to get it to start again but nothing. We ending up gettin a bus from Raleigh to come pick us up which was 4 hours away but they didn't leave at the time they said they would so it took fuckin forever. We even ordered pizza and had it delivered to us lol That was pretty funny I thought. I feel like thats not allowed but Im glad the place did it for us. We ended up talking, listening to music, and playing games to pass the time.  Luckily we made it back without breakin down haha

This semester for school should be pretty difficult. I'm taking 3 classes for my major and they are on a 7-point grading scale instead of a 10-point one. So that sucks but I'm only taking 15 hours which shouldn't be too bad (hopefully). I have a couple of good looking guys in my class but none that give off any gayish vibes lol


So a couple of a posts ago I mentioned that I told my teammate that knows about my hookups on craigslist, he searched the sites and we talked about it. He said the m4m section was hilarious lol and that in the m4w section, one ad said "im donating babies, hit me up" hahahahah I started crackin up when he told me this stuff. He also searched for the area around school for girls but nothing local lol The funny thing was, we were talkin about this in our lockerroom showers. There wasn't any other guys from the team in there but still, pretty funny he brought it up there.

I'm thinking about tellin some guys from the team about the lil secret as well. Just debating when/how/ or if i should. I kind of want to tell our third roomy but just havent had time to bring it up. I dont know, I really want to be done with all this shit about coming out. Or just not have to do it. I'm just getting to the point of where its on my mind again all the time and it pisses me off.

Thats about it, later world.



Friday, August 5, 2011

using my secret in my advantage

So I'm taking an online brit lit class which blows. Its sooo much busy work and really unnecessary stuff. Like when am I ever going to have to analyze by poem by William Blake ever again? Im gonna say never. But anyways, at the very beginning of the class, we had to write about us and share it with the class. We just post what we write on a discussion board to where everyone in the class can see it. So I just wrote about my college I go to and that I grew up playing soccer. I was about to "come out" to my class in it but I didn't feel like it was necessary. I'm glad I didn't because every other day or so, we have discussion boards that we have to answer questions and a lot are about personal experiences. So every time I write, I refer to a friend that came out to me and how hard it was. Obviously this isn't true cause I dont have any gay friends. I actually just use my personal experiences to write then I just say its from my best friend thats telling me this stuff. This has been a life saver cause some of this questions are kind of hard and I would have no other references to use to answer them. So I guess me being gay has helped me somewhat haha Just got to take things and make them postive...

Take it easy everyone

Wednesday, August 3, 2011

Another summer down, another school year ahead

Like always, this summer went by super fast. It might of been the traveling, the soccer twice a day, or the coaching that might of seem like time flew. Whatever it was, I pretty upset summer is done. I'll be back at school within the next couple of days, unpacking into my new apartment and getting ready for the upcoming soccer season. Hopefully I will live past the first couple of days of preseason being that those are the worst. Whatever I do during summer, no matter what, I still feel like shit after the 3rd day of being there. Legs are shot and I just feel exhausted all the time. All the training Ive been doing prepares me for the fitness tests, but I still get the same feeling as always. The past 2 weeks Ive been in Dallas doing a training program designed for soccer players and it works on fitness. It was by far the hardest stuff Ive ever done. Even harder than my college workouts. The first week I did it, we did two-a-days; one at 7am and the other at 330 (the hottest part of the day). And if you seen the weather in Dallas lately, its hot at fuckkkk. It seriously was awful. Hopefully that shit pays off next week. Right now Im back in Nashville just hangin out with my brother and training with a local college team. Its the school I worked the camps this past summer and Im tight with all the kids, so they said it was straight I could come out and play with them since they are back for captains practices.

To say the least, this summer has been pretty uneventful in my eyes. I literally played soccer or coached soccer everyday this summer. I mean I love soccer and all, but a lil variety would of been nice. I went out once this summer and didnt really drink cause I was driving. Pretty much hung out and played FIFA in my spare time haha Well I'm also taking an online brit lit class that blows. Its end on the 11th so Im pumped about that. Its just a bunch of busy work that I think is not necessary at all. Once Im done with this class, Im done with English with the rest of my life! pretty pumped about that

And some new jams. In honor of Big Sean dropping his album Finally Famous: The Album. straight fire too...the first song is my jam right


Well, take it easy everyone!

Saturday, July 16, 2011

fail

Updated! (new music and new genres. this is about as gay as i will get on this blog besides the idea of it all haha but had a complaint on music (Explorer Jack) so i thought i would give some fresh jams to yall. and for a disclaimer, i dont have any of these songs actually on my itunes...even though i do enjoy them haha)

So I tried writing a post tonight since I've been so fucking bored butttttt I couldnt even do that. Its like my brain doesnt know how to function properly when Im bored. My thoughts wont stay put when Im trying to write. I had started two posts before giving up on them and now this is my post in order to clear thoughts.

Talked to some blog buddies tonight and it was great. I love talking about random shit with someone who knows my secret. Its like a sense of openness. Even if we dont talk about gay things, them just knowing makes things feel better. Like earlier in the evening I was with my brothers fiance getting dinner. He's out of town so it was just me and her. We sat there for hours just talking after we were done. From what I wanted to do after school, to adopting kids, to family. It was just random talk and I felt at ease because she knows about me.

I dont know what it is when I talk to someone who knows Im gay, but it certainly is a different feeling than talking to someone who doesnt know.

Hope everything is well people!

Monday, July 4, 2011

Happy 4th Everyone

In celebration of country's freedom and all our troops, here is a GREAT article for yall to read. It was sent to me by a reader of my blog and I thank you for that! Its a bit lengthy but no more than 10 minutes. I almost started crying reading it cause its so touchy...

So here it is, check it out!
Soldier leaves legacy much larger than 'he was gay'

-And I enjoy reading the comments from these articles, but one I read yesterday was saying something like this article should just be about the soldier dieing and not about him being gay cause its no difference that a black soldier and if the article read "soldier leaves legacy larger than being black" and then like the gay community should stop fighting for rights cause it doesnt matter. Well in my opinion, I feel like thats fuckin retarded because unlike gay people, black people can obviously serve open in the military. Gays have to suppress their feelings and serve for the country that restricts its rights. Also, its bullshit because blacks also had to fight for their freedom and rights so why cant gays? It makes no sense and it seriously pisses me off when people say such ignorant shit. Like why the fuck do people care so much who others are fucking or liking. It makes no difference to them at all!

Well thats it, feels good to get that off my chest. Time to celebrate the best country in the world :) stay safe everyone!

Thursday, June 30, 2011

the kid i can count on

The first person I told my about my lil secret has probably been my closet friend for the past year. Its my roommate from freshman year, sophomore year, and we will be living together next year as well. He is also on the soccer team with me at school. I seriously can talk about ANYTHING with him and he doesnt care. Ever since coming out to him, I feel like we have defiantly gotten closer. He understands where I'm coming from with the coming out process cause he has some gay family members but unfortunately, it wasnt as easy for them cause they were brought up differently.


But the other day when New York passed the bill for same sex marriage, I chatted him saying I can get married in New York now. He said thats awesome that another state is legalizing it. Then he said something along the lines of this: "so when you get married in new york, i better be invited first off all cause ive never been to new york and second, you better tell your husband that he has the pullout or floor cause im sleeping in the same bed as you :) " I was cracking up reading that and it felt so good that he like hes just so chill with the whole gay thing. We went on talkin about marriage and if I ever will get married but I'm not to sure if it will happen. Im actually not into the whole marriage thing. I would feel awkward having a wedding with friends and family there for some reason. 

Then we went on talking about kids cause Im coaching camp again this week and I got the 7 year olds which is sometimes frustrating but I also love it. I really want my own kid (really only a boy cause I dont want to deal with female problems haha.) And I kind of want my kid to be blood related meaning I would have to find a surrogate mother. I have no idea of the process of all that but I think it would be different to have some lady carry my child for 9 months then just hand him over lol But I told my roommate that I would have to find a dime (good lookin women) to carry my sperm. And he said "ya cause she would have to make up for your ugly ass looks" hahaha

And yesterday, I told him about my past hookups lol It was all through fb chat but I mean he tells me every detail when he hooks up with a chick. Mainly cause im asking to make jokes about it but he gets mad when I dont tell him stuff. So i decided I would and I did that yesterday. Told him about craigslist and the random hookups and he thought it was cool. He was real happy I finally decided to tell him stuff and he was happy Ive been gettin my dick wet lol

This kid is awesome and love him to death. I feel like everyone should have someone like this in real life to help express feelings and talk about stuff with. I might of gotten lucky to find such a great friend but I'm super glad I did :)

ps-my homie Secrets of An All-American from the blog world told someone!! give him a shout cause thats fuckin hugggee

Wednesday, June 15, 2011

where does the time go?

So I defiantly took a break from bloggin but it wasn't really on purpose. I've been pretty busy with soccer. Practicing twice a day then lifting some days, I've been exhausted. And I've been traveling a lot. This past month I've been to Ft. Lauderdale, Jacksonville, New Orleans, Baton Rouge, and some city in Mississippi and going to Orlando and Bradenton this weekend. Its a lot travel and hours on a charter which I either sleep or just listen to my iPod. Theres movies normally playing but typically they are scary and Im not a scary movie type of guy lol.

Within the past month, I've told one person. Its an old highschool friend that I havent seen a while but we talk occasionaly. I told him through a text and he was super chill about it. I knew he would be so thats why I decided just to tell him. I think his lil bro is gay and so does he but he doesnt care about it. But when I told him, he just asked a bunch of questions like what type of guys Im into, do I have a bf, am I trying to have one, just stuff like that. And I was real happy he did cause normally people dont ask that stuff right away. Also he goes to UT (University of Texas) and for those who know UT, its in Austin and Austin is very liberal. Their slogan is "keep Austin weird" so there are plenty of gay people and just different people but he invited down to stay with him and he would take me to some gay clubs lol he's a good guy and Im real glad I told him.

Since being here in Nashville, I've had no action lol Its been a while too and Im gettin to that point where I need a hookup. And not knowing anyone here makes it that much harder. I've tried craigslist but holy shit, the people on there for this city are weirrrdddd. Its awful! Like I feel there has to be other guys out there in my situation in this city. Nashville seems pretty liberal from what I've seen of it. And when I go out, I always see real good looking dudes and got mad fashion and I can never tell if they are gay or straight. I just really want to have some fun before I head back to jail (my school) lol

Thats about it I guess, I will post more often for sure

Tuesday, May 17, 2011

new dope song

"Say what's on your heart if you're real cause the scars you can't see be the hard be the hardest to heal"



(also new songs on the playlist)

Saturday, May 14, 2011

told another one!

Tonight I told my soon to be sister-in-law! My older brother just got engaged this past Saturday and his fiance is super cool. They have been dating for THE longest time. Im so glad he finally decided to ask her cause she's awesome. And now that Im livin with him for the summer, I thought I should tell her since Im going to be seeing her a lot.

Tonight we went to see Bridesmaid which was fuckin hilarious!! Its supposed to be the female version of The Hangover and it's pretty close to it. My bro's gf was with her girlfriends and me and my bro met up with them at the theaters. After the movie, me, my bro and his gf went to get some pizza and then came back to my brothers place to chill. On the way home, I asked my brother if it was cool to tell her tonight (she was in a separate car) and he said of course and that she wouldnt care in which she didnt. He was in the shower and me and her were just watching tv. I just was like "I have to tell you something." then I said it. For some reason, this time was by far the easiest. I felt a lot more calm and composed compared to the other times I told people. We talked about it for a couple minutes and that was it. She didnt care and she said she felt honored that I told her lol

It feels like more weight has been lifted off my shoulders since telling her. I love the after feeling off telling someone, its awesome to know that you dont have to put a front up anymore when your around that person. Now I just wish I was completely out hahaha

Wednesday, May 11, 2011

college soccer player comes out!

So there has been a division 1 soccer player who came out recently (and no its not me)! He plays at Adelphi University in New York and is a real cool kid. I've gotten the chance to talk with him about the whole process and the teams reaction. We are pretty similar in a lot of ways. I feel like most gay kids are similar in the way of thinking and feeling. He even likes Arsenal! Even though they were really really disappointing this season.

Heres the link to his story and its def a good read: check it out!

Monday, May 9, 2011

MILK

Harvey Milk was a gay activist back in the 70's. Never really knew much about him until I saw the movie. MILK is a story about his life and the gay movement in San Francisco which opened my eyes to so much more. It really changed how I view the gay community and changes its been through. I almost cried at some of the points in the movie cause it was so moving and there were many things I could relate too. There were several parts where I got the chills though. If you havent seen it, for sure check it out! I've had it on my computer for about a year and I have been meaning to watch it and I finally did. (and it has James Franco swimmin naked so it has to be good) hahaha

Wednesday, May 4, 2011

Another Year Down

Well half way done with college!! (depending if I get my masters but that’s undecided right now) I ended up just keeping the secret between my one roommate and me. I didn’t want the headache of telling my Jamaican roommate when I had other stuff to think about. Their culture and beliefs are a lot different than here in the states and didn’t want to argue or cause a problem between us even though I don’t think it would of happened.

It was funny though cause when I was packing my room up, I had a pink snuggie still in the box (it was my sisters from last semester and she gave it to me.) I never used it and it was under my bed all semester but my Jamaican roommate saw it and was like “hey, you got something to tell us?” cause it was us and my other roommate who already knew but we just laughed it off. Only if he really knew hahaha

Im on my way home right now but its taking a lot longer than expected cause of flooding in Arkansas. It typically takes about 20 hours but we stopped and slept last night at a truck stop and today we hit traffic cause the highway connecting Memphis to Little Rock was closed. We took a detour that took 4 hours cause of so much traffic. It sucked balls and now we wont get home til like 3am.

I cant wait to see my friends tomorrow though! And its summer time so its all goody

Sunday, May 1, 2011

thoughts on some gay stuff

Past couple of weeks some things have happened regarding some gay things said. I will try to separate it just to make it easier to understand...

Being gay doesnt effect anyone besides that person so why do others care so much?
 - So I was on facebook and one kids status caught my eye. He wasnt even a friend of mine but one of my friends commented on it so thats how it came up on my news feed. The status just said "who wants to hang out?" It was from a kid that goes to the high school I graduated from and we have mutual friends but I dont personally know the kid. I clicked his picture and he was obviously gay. Wore make up, had a "alter-ego" name and it was a girl name, and I even think it said he was into guys but anyways. Some kid commented on the status saying "no one like hangin out with faggets!" Then people liked that! I couldnt believe someone would actually write that on someone status. Like why the fuck would you take the time out of your life to comment on a kids status you clearly arent friends with, then spend 45 minutes defending why people dont like gay people. The status had like 40 comments because it was back and forth between people saying the kid who wrote "no one like hangin out with faggets" comment was an ass then him saying gay people shouldnt be a live. This made me mad just because I couldnt believe these kids would say some shit like that. Like forreal, why do people care so much whether someone is gay or not. It has nothing to do with them.

MTV Real World controversy
-If you dont watch the show, its about 8 random people who live in a house together in Las Vegas. Well a housemate named Dustin previously used to work on Fratmen.com. Its a gay site which has straight guys just do stuff naked. But it was a secret he has been hiding since being on the site. The secret came out while they were filming and the whole house found out. He isnt gay but the thought of him workin in gay porn had the other housemates questioning him. It was ironic this happened though because in a previous episode, he was caught saying man and women were created for procreation and gays shouldnt be able to marry. The dude is a chump in my eyes just cause the way he acts and stuff. He's always lying and sayin stupid ass shit. I thought I would write about it just because it was similiar to me cause not to many people know my secret and the reactions he got when the others found out are the ones I dont want. They were all pissed caused he wasnt being truthful about who he really is but I dont think I would tell others if I did gay porn. That seems like it could be a difficult conversation lol

My Homophobic roommate
-Ive talked about him before. He is from Jamaica and plays on the team with me and he doesnt like gays. If you remember a while ago, he was the one who said he would kill his child if it was gay. But he said that being gay goes against everything he believes in and that its bad to be gay. Im not the one to stand up and defend but thats more out of not wanting to be called out. I mean he is a great guy and love him and all but I just feel like he needs to be more open minded. He's a senior and wont be returning next year and the next three days might be the last ones I see him (school is almost over!!) unless he comes to visit or I go to Jamaica. Ive thought about tellin him but just never have. Not really a point either to tell him now just cause I wont see him much anymore. I do kind of want to put a better or more realistic picture about gays in his mind. Not all are flamboyant and talk like girls or cant play sports. Im for sure better than him at soccer (not being cocky but my stats show it) and just want to show that gays can be normal guys. Im most defiantly not the stereotypical gay. All the people Ive told had no idea and didnt believe me (mom still doesnt really) and no one ever questions me. I just feel like he has the wrong idea and would love to tell him how it really is.

Thats about it really, school is so close to being done. I got one final Monday and one on Tuesday and Im done! Somehow I managed to survive this past week with all the projects I had. And hopefully Im getting to go home before I go to Nashville because I want to see my friends so bad. I have two friends who go to Alabama and were there during the tornado. One of their houses is gone now. I couldnt the picture she put up on facebook showing her place. It was nothing besides broken wood and random clothes on the ground. I feel so bad seeing that shit happen. They were friends with the couple who was the football player and the girl who died. Fortunately the guy is in the hospital but I cant believe one of their friends was killed by it. It sucks seeing that shit happen. Especially someone who has the rest of their life ahead of them and its taken away like that. So I just ask everyone prays for everyone who has been affected by that awful tornado :/ (kind of turned to a depressin post)

Friday, April 22, 2011

Easter break

Its not gonna be anything exciting cause Im stayin at school. I wanted to go home so bad but its not really worth it just cause we only got today off so travelin all the way back home didnt seem cost worthy. Last night we did a movie night and watched John Q then Robing Hood and the Men in Tights. Both solid ass movies. Never seen John Q before but it was sooo sick. If you havent seen it, check it out. As for Robin Hood, its a classic for me. Made in 1993 and I was still cracking up watching it. I havent seen it in years and my roommates never saw it so I recommended it and they liked it.

Today havent really done much. Woke up this morning to go to the track for a workout then after went to the gym for a lift. Now that soccer is done, I got to keep in shape for the summer. Only got 3 class days left then finals start. Its coming down to crunch time cause I have a 6 pg paper due Tuesday then a 7 pg paper due Wednesday then some shit for accounting due Wednesday. Its gonna super stressful this coming week. Im just trying to stay positive cause summer is soooo close haha

Well thats about it, just straight chillin right now. Might post again soon with some thoughts about gay stuff that I have been meaning to write about

Sunday, April 17, 2011

Some Answers

Here are some answers to the few questions I got...

Have you told or has anyone found out you are Gay and as a result caused you problems?
- I have only told 9 people so far and by tellin them, nothing has come from it. They all treat me the same and act like Im no different. No one outside of who I told has found out, (or at least I dont think) haha. So no problems at all from my friends that I've told.

Top or bottom? Pole smoker or pole smokee?
-Uhhhh hahaha I dont know. Haven't done either so not sure what I would do. I feel like being a bottom would hurt at first so not sure if I would like that. I wouldnt mind trying with the right person though so I guess not really a for sure answer to this question.

Would you like you if you met you? 
 -I honestly think I would. I think I have a chill personality and easy to get along with. I have a good amount of friends so I must be doing something right lol

What is the personal and/or professional quality you appreciate most in a coach and why? In a soccer referee/official and why?  
-Hmmm very good question here but in a coach, someone who is honest and motivates his players in order to get more out of them. The coach needs to know when to be stern and know when to ease up. I love a coach who is automatically demands respect just in how to holds himself. As for a ref, just someone who has a personal attitude and they can talk to the players to have them understand their calls and isnt a dick who thinks he is the star of the game. A lot of refs like to take the spotlight and its stupid since they are such a small piece in the game.


Several times you have written about how your teammates and friends use gay slurs and voice homophobia. Now that you have come out to one of your teammates-does he react against it now? Does he understand how you feel when they use words like that?
Also, do your coaches ever say anything about it when your teammates say something homophobic in front of them? 
-My teammate that knows doesnt say anything mainly because I dont say anything I think. When my teammates say stuff like that, it doesnt necessarily hurt me but just annoys me. They aren't saying it to hurt others and its more of a joking insult. And my coaches dont say anything. Sometimes they will say something as well but nothing like fag or anything just like in a scenario that looks gay (if that makes sense).


Thanks again to everyone who reads and that has been with me for so long. I really do appreciate all the comments and support I get from everyone on here!!

Tuesday, April 12, 2011

Mozel Tov!!

Naw Im not Jewish but my Uncle and newly wedded Aunt are. Went to their wedding in Charlotte this past weekend and it was pretty sick. There was for sure some awkward moments with old family I havent seen years. Like my Uncle and Aunt that lives in Ohio with their two cousins and it might of been my first time seeing my cousins but if it wasnt, then I saw them when they were babies cause now they are only 8 and 9. It was cool though seeing everyone though. There were so many people there though and barely new like a quarter of them just because of a lot people from their works and then my new aunts side was there. 

Center piece at our table. Almost every table had a different one.

We stayed downtown at a Westin that was crazy nice. It was perfect location too cause it was right in uptown. Saturday afternoon we walked to like a outside bar/restaurant area that was sick. I would love to live in Charlotte after being there for a weekend.

View from my moms, sister, and aunts room.

View from mine and lil bros room.


My Aunt from back home was with us the whole time and she asked me when "what the girl situation is" in from of my mom and sis and they both laughed and I just that there isnt any right now. My Aunt wondered why they laughed but they said something else. It was pretty funny when she asked, I kind of got nervous and felt like my face turned red (it does that very easily) but I guess she didnt notice anything.

Then at the wedding was a gay couple! It was kind of weird cause one of them was dancing everywhere!!! with everyone!!! He was doing like show dancing and was very gay acting and people just stared and laughed. He was having the best time and I was kind of envious just cause he didnt give a fuck what everyone else though. Just free and doin whatever. His partner was more conservative but they did dance together and were getting close on the slow songs (yes I stared a lot just cause I was curious). But my mom the next day was saying something about it and just was like, "I honestly dont care who you like or what you like, but that man last night was a little bit too much." I laughed and agreed but it was kind of weird. The man was very flamboyant and outthere but thats not me either. Its how he is and it wont change. Thats not how I am so I told her she didnt have to worry and I would never do anything like that.
It was a good weekend and everyone had a good time.


Also, new music! the first song is my jam right now

Monday, April 11, 2011

one year anniversary

Today is my one year anniversary of my blog!! (well technically 38 minutes was but whatever)

I went through and read some of my old posts. Was laughing at some of them but also thought its fuckin crazy how far I've come in only a year. I love where Im at and pretty content with it too. I dont feel the need to just go tell anyone who walks by. I guess a couple more teammates knowing couldnt hurt but Im not gonna force the issue.

Nothing too big has happened since my last post. This past weekend I was in Charlotte for my uncle's wedding and it was pretty sick. Im gonna post more about it later just cause Im tired and got a big day tomorrow. Its gonna be a rough 3 weeks cause school is coming to an end and I got a shit ton of stuff due :/

So in celebration of my one year (sounds like im married to this thing), yall can ask me questions. Just post a comment and I will try to answer them in a timely fashion in a post. I know I wont get many, possibly none but just thought I would let yall ask any since I've never done it before.

Saturday, April 2, 2011

sick concert

 The Venue

Went to the Wiz Khalifa and Mac Miller concert tonight and it was sickkkkk. It was in downtown Raleigh at an open ampitheater which was a real nice location. Sold out at 8000+ so there were a shit ton of people. I would say more than 3/4 were completely smashed and high as kites but I was completely sober. Got a game tomorrow so had to be disciplined :/ hahaha


 Wiz told all the pot smokers to put their lighters up...and almost everyone put a lighter up hahah


Started off a bad night cause half way there (its an hour drive to downtown), one of my teammates says he forgot his ticket. I was driving and 3 other teammates came so we thought it was an April fools joke but it wasnt. He completely serious unfortunately. So drove all the way back to get his ticket but we still made it on time so it was straight. 
There was some pre-band that played before Wiz and Mac but they werent too hot. We just walked around the venue instead and I got me a sick mac miller tshirt. Before Mac was about to come on, we went to the side of the stage and found some standing room where we stayed the whole night. It was a perfect spot cause we were pretty close to the stage and the tickets we had were near the back so we lucked out.


 Wiz killin itttt!!


Mac Miller Thumbs Upppp


Both performances were so sick and they both killed it. I probably liked Wiz more but it was close. I kind of wish he did more old songs cause he did most off his new album which was cool but his old shit is real nice.


This is "When I'm Gone" and off his new cd Rolling Papers. Its one of my favorite off the cd. Real chill and relaxing.


The Taylor Gang anthem!! "Taylor Gang" off his mixtape Cabin Fever


"Never Been" off of the Kush and Orange Juice mixtape


"No Sleep" off of Rolling Papers


"Black and Yellowww"


The only vid I got of Mac Miller. Its pretty blurry and the end of the song. This is "Donald Trump" off of his mixtape Best Day Ever 
So overall it was a good ass time and so glad I went. Now its time for and got to get ready for my game tomorrow

Tuesday, March 29, 2011

living with regrets

I know we are supposed to live life to the fullest and without regrets since we only get one life to live but I honestly would love the chance to do mine over. Not like Im upset with how mine has turned/turning out but I would for sure make some changes to decisions that I have made. I realize now that I could of had a shot to play soccer as a career. I know I wrote yesterday about this, but its stuck on my mind and its really gettin to me. Me and my roomy had a pretty long conversation about this tonight. It sucks kind of more for him cause he had the chance last year to stay in Mexico with a team but instead, decided to come back and play. We both decided that we would have chosen different schools to go to instead of where we are. This place just isnt for us. We both agreed that we would want to do redo our lives as well. Just like little things like training more, or doing extra while we were younger. These things could of added up and helped us a lot. I know its my fault to where I am, but it sucks where I am. I want to be more and not sure if that will happen anymore. Watching the kids I played with on TV playing kills me inside. Their success tears me up. I know it sounds fucked up, but Im competitive and I want to be there! I dont want to fuckin watch it when I could be playing. 

I dont know what Im trying to get too. It just what I have been thinking about all night. I stood in the shower for 20 minutes just thinking about this shit. I know their success should motivate me to get to their position, and it does sometimes, but its not enough for me. I just feel like my time is over and I dont have enough youth in me to make it anymore. Only 20 years old and in less than 6 months I will be 21, its old in soccer terms and basically a senior in todays game. If anything happened, it would have to be this summer. Hopefully it does and would be crazy as shit if it does but doubt it. I will just be living with regrets for the rest of my life.

Monday, March 28, 2011

it could be good

Well I made the team in Nashville... now I wont be able to see my friends this summer :( Right from school I will be going there to start training. Im not to sure how long the season goes for but I know its the majority of the summer. Im sure its gonna be practice every day or even twice a day so no way I would be able to visit my homies back in Dallas. Its sucks cause I havent seen them since Christmas break. I was looking forward to goin home and just chillin with them everyday. Not gonna happen anymore. And the England thing never went anywhere either which sucks. I wanted to go there and hopefully get looked at. I just feel like my time is nearing its end. So many kids that I played with are big time now. Not saying Im bad but they just got their break and opportunity. I dont even know how some of them are pro for being how bad they are (well not bad, but just never stood out). I know kids playing and being paid to play in England, Spain, Belgium, Argentina, Vietnam and here in the US. Its crazy to think I played with these kids but it also pisses me off that Im not where they are. It would be sick as fuck to be paid to play soccer for a living. Do the thing I love the most and get paid, what could be better?...I cant think of anything

Thursday, March 24, 2011

some wiz and mac miller

Bought me a ticket to go see Wiz Khalifa and Mac Miller in concert April 1st yesterday! Its gonna be sickkkk. I'm going with some teammates of mine so it should be a good time. It kind of sucks that we have a game the next day so we really cant to crazy but still should be a good ass time. Also just got Wiz Khalifa's new cd, Rolling Papers and its fire. Real nice stuff!

Besides the concert next week, I really am dreading the next month. Im so fucked with school work. Like I cant even believe how much shit I have going on. I have to do 10 page paper with a 10 slide powerpoint for my business computer class, then a 7 page paper for my american lit class comparing two readings that we have done (its gonna be hard for me since I havent read one story yet), then Im doing a 12 minute presentation with a 2 page paper in a group of 3 for my business comm class (but my group members are retards! one kid is on my team and just smokes all the time and is failin all his classes), then for accounting, we are doing a practice set thing which is just a bunch of extra homework on top of our daily homework...so yeah, not gonna be good :/

Nothing really new going on. I cant think of anymore questions to ask lol Like when I had the idea of it, I have so many in my head but when I come to do a post, they vanish haha. I really do appreciate all the feedback I got from the first two. Im sure I will think of something to ask within the week.

PS-Im healthy again and should be playing in our next game coming up. It sucks havin to sit out of practice. I lose my fitness and I have to shag balls the whole time. Its awful!