Well I have been meaning to write more than I have but I rarely even use my computer while I'm home since I'm out of the house always. I'm gonna try to do some more than what I have but until then... MERRY CHRISTMAS and HAPPY HOLIDAYS. Enjoy the time you have with friends and family and I hope you all have a wonderful holiday :)
Saturday, December 24, 2011
Well I have been meaning to write more than I have but I rarely even use my computer while I'm home since I'm out of the house always. I'm gonna try to do some more than what I have but until then... MERRY CHRISTMAS and HAPPY HOLIDAYS. Enjoy the time you have with friends and family and I hope you all have a wonderful holiday :)
Saturday, December 10, 2011
Friday, November 25, 2011
Thursday, November 17, 2011
Well, I dont know where to start so I guess I will say I met up with the blogger again...twice... And both times were better than the previous. We still didn't have sex (even though he wanted too haha) and the times were fantastic. Its awesome just relaxing and being yourself with no worries about having to censor what you say/how you act. Its different than being around a straight friend and Im not sure why. Maybe because the guy likes dick as well so we think similarly or it might be because I like him or it could be both.
This happened last Thursday and Friday. We were at our conference tournament and we were staying in a hotel about 45 minutes from his school. I talked to him about possibly meeting up and it worked out. He came over to my hotel about 9:30 at night cause we had a banquet earlier in the night. I was rooming with my roomy here at school and he also knows. So I told him that I was having a visitor and explained the situation so he was cool with it. The kid was nervous being that he hasnt actually been around people he didnt know that knew about him or even be around people that knew in general. And I was nervous that I was actually introducing a guy to a friend of mine. But he came up and met my roomy and we just chilled and talked for a while. Watched a movie and eventually I texted 2 other guys that know about me to come meet him. They both knew about the kid because they've seen me texting him and they are always asking questions and stuff about the situation. So they came down and we all just chilled talking about random stuff for about 2 hours. We were supposed to have lights out at 11 but we ended up going to Wafflehouse cause we were pretty hungry. It was so chill with the guys knowing about me actually meet a guy and be around me when Im with another dude. It was defiantly a good feeling and really wish its always like that.
But we got back from Waffle house and headed back to the room. It wasn't expected that the kid was going to stay the night cause I had a game the next day but he did. And Im super glad he did. That was the first time for me to sleep with a guy and it was defiantly a good feeling and I loved it. Its a feeling that I cant describe but I wish it happened more often than it does. We did some things before fallin a sleep but that wasnt the highlight of the night. Sex or whatever isnt too big for me I guess. I like to cuddle and just lay with the guy. Yeah playing with each other is fun but idk, i like the sense of being with the guy more. (soft or gay i know, but thats how i am haha). So in the morning, I walked him to his car and we did the a goodbye kiss :)
So the next day, we had our game but lost. We stayed the night and were gonna travel back to school in the morning so took the opportunity and invited the kid over again. So he did and this night was just as good. Slept together again and just hung out at night. Talked some more, watched tv, and just chilled. This time was funny cause we fell a sleep without getting off and when we woke up, we were pretty horny and started playing around. I had to be down at breakfast pretty soon but that didn't stop us. And right when I was cumming, my roomy that was supposed to stay with me, was knockin at the door to come in cause he stayed with someone else haha I was like 'oh fuck, we need to hurry' He got off pretty quickly as well then we rushed to the bathroom so we could clean up. I opened the door with cum on my stomach and completely naked but kind of hiding from within the bathroom but luckily my roomy left haha So we showered pretty quickly and then we had to say our goodbyes. We took the elevator down together and did the goodbye kiss. Couldnt walk him out cause my teammates were already down there eating.
Overall it was fuckin awesome to get to chill again with the kid. I really do enjoy the time we spend together and hope it can continue. He said he would come visit me at school but that has yet to happen haha its just we are both pretty busy so it kind of sucks. Hopefully it happens though :)
Wednesday, November 16, 2011
Just the feeling of being able to provide for myself is gonna be so sick. Getting a job and establishing my life will mean so much to me. I think about this stuff constantly. Where I will live, what I will do for work, what I will be able to feed myself haha, if I will stay in shape (i better!), my future partner, future family, being a uncle and a dad and a great family man. Its all generic stuff that affects how I will live but it all crosses my mind on a daily basis. A lot of times, I kind of want to just fast-forward my life so I can skip past these worries. Or at least somehow get a look at what I will be like in the future. Anyone else feel that way?
Some good news not regarding soccer is that I landed my internship. It defiantly isn't the one I wanted but I guess I have to take what I can get. Its for First Citizens Bank in Raleigh. So this coming summer my plan is to live here and go to work everyday. Its a paid internship which is always a plus and this will defiantly get me the hands-on experience that I want for my major...Other good news regarding soccer haha is that I could be going to England this coming summer. My college team is planning to take a trip there for about 10 days and travel to a couple cities and play exhibition games and train at some pro grounds. It should be so sick if it actually works out. I first need to tell my intern people that too haha
--And a professional soccer player came out the other day. David Testo played a couple seasons in the MLS and then went down a division. He was pretty successful but now kind of in search of a team. Here's the link to check out his story. I recommend it!
Friday, November 4, 2011
I sent him a text the night before saying I need to tell him something tomorrow so when he gets time, hit me up. Him being a D1 basketball player, I figured he wouldn't get much time to chat and I had lifting and practice, so I decided to send him a facebook message. This was the first time ive used this method of coming out but it worked out in the end.
Here is what I sent him:
"so i have this thing that I have been meaning to tell you for a while but its just not the easiest thing to do and I just didn't want to tell you in fear of losin a friend... i hope you understand and just know that im not any different than before tellin you this... but im gay :/ ive known for a while but havent told to many people because i didnt want negative reactions and didnt want to lose the group of friends i have. ive told bob, fred, salley, and lucy back in january during christmas break but have been conscious of who else to tell. im not very proud of it but i also dont really want to hide it as much if that makes sense. im not gonna change into a flamer or anything like that but thats just not me... you can ask me anything you want about it and i dont mind talking about it or you can talk to the other homies cause they've asked me a good amount of stuff. i just dont want for things to be awkward or weird and dont want to lose any friends over this small little detail of my life...." (changed the names of course haha)
After I sent the message, I sent him a text saying to check out his fb and he should probs read it alone since it could be a shocker. He replied a couple minutes later saying he replied and to hit him back after I read it. At that point, I just got to lifting and I had practice right after so I was pretty nervous the whole time playing. Right when I got into the lockeroom from training, I checked my fb to see his message. It was awesome to see his response and see that he didn't care. I texted him back saying thanks and I really appreciated what he said.
And this was his reply:
"Man as long as you're happy, I don't give a damn who you are into broham...ain't shit gon change this way! You'll always be my nig lol I appreciate that you think enough of me to allow me to be one of the few you have told tho" and he also sent this text later on... "Yea its nothin for real...I just wanna make sure I don't offend you in any way when we are all chillin ya know?"
So yeah, its always a great feeling when you come out to someone and their response is a good one.
Thursday, November 3, 2011
Anyways, on MTV was Real World San Diego. Its the new season I guess and this was the first episode I've seen but this show was about the Pride parade they went to. One of the cast members is a lesbian (she's mad cool) and another cast member is either gay or bi (not too sure). But the gay guy had a friend with him the whole time. They made a good couple and were always kissing and doing little things that really made me happy for some reason. It was awesome to see this guy who never experienced stuff like this get to be free and not worry what others thought. The gay cast member said he never has done stuff with a guy in public but at the Pride parade, he was all over his friend. It was cute. It was like a painted picture of what I want.
I've actually never been a huge fan of the Pride parade. I think its too over the top and pretty unnecessary but I've slowly started to accept it. Its awesome to see so many people come together and support the cause. Gay and straight both were out there having a blast. Pride parades aren't about the guys wearing speedos and showing how 'gay' they can be but rather to show that love is important in no matter what form. Being straight and loving your wife/husband is the same as being gay and loving your wife/husband. This recognition of love and equality is defiantly turning for the better and its awesome to be part of the history of it.
One thing during the show that kind of got to me was the cast-mates roomys. I wish I remembered the names cause it would make this description easier haha but the lesbian and gay guy's cast-mates had to come work at some booth during the parade. There was 2 (one guy and one girl) in particular that weren't very fond of the whole idea of the parade or even the gay community. They both just sat in the booth with blank stares the whole time. Both were so uncomfortable and just made it awkward I felt. The guy said he didn't really approve of the gay thing and was just very closed-minded. The girl started to open up as the show went on which was cool. But these things just dont make sense. Why do people care so much of who likes who or who sleeps with who when it doesn't concern/involve them at all. People should just mind their own business and not worry what others are doing.
ps- thanks for all the comments on the last post! really surprised me how many people actually read it! haha
Thursday, October 27, 2011
It's been a while since my last hookup. It was over the summer when I spent time with another guy having some fun. But there wasn't much too it. No connection, no communication, just hook up and go. There was very little conversation and not much engagement. I guess I can't expect to much from a craigslist post but I still wanted something more. I like getting to know a guy and seeing how he thinks, how he feels. I feel like it makes the 'fun' that much better...
Well, I got to experience that connection for the first time. I've never had a hookup like the one I did this past Sunday night. It wasn't just about getting off and leaving. It was about connecting with the guy. We talked for hours, watched movies, sat in silence, just basically chilled. It was perfect.
It all started when I got to his school around 1pm. I met him outside his dorm and he got in my car and we started talking like we've been knowing each other for years. We texted prior to meeting up in order to have some plans in mind so when I got him, we went straight to lunch. He showed me to a local brunch type place which was real good. We finished lunch then went to watch Romeo and Juliet the play at his school. He had to attend it for a class and he also had friends performing in it. It was a sick production and I had a great time. Even though we didnt talk much for the 2 hours in the theater, it was awesome just to be hangin with a similar guy. I've never been in that situation and it felt good for some reason.
After the play, I actually left to go visit my grandparents who lived close by his school. He had homework to finish up so it worked out perfectly. When I was done visiting my grandparents, I headed back to his school. I texted him saying I was there and he just said to head to his dorm. (He showed me earlier before the play.) So I went up to his room where he was there playing video games with his friends. I met all them and made some small talk about my school. But they left quickly and so did we.
We checked into a local hotel for the night. He has a roomy so it probably would of been weird to just chill with him being there so we thought a hotel was the best bet (which it was haha.) But we got to the room around 945ish. Put our stuff down and just sat on the beds. (We got 2 queens cause the guys at the front desk asked us and said it would of been weird if we got 1 king lol) So we sat there on our separate beds just watching Transformers. We talked about random things; family, friends, gay/bi issues, cars, music, fashion, our futures, traveling, and plenty more. It was awesome getting to know him more than what I already did. Even though we disagreed on some things (muscle car vs new BMW), I had a great time talking. The more I found out about him, the more I liked him.
We talked for about 4 hours. It wasn't until 2 am we got into the same bed. I'm not sure why it took so long cause I wanted to jump in his bed right when we got there lol But I guess the wait made it that much better... When we were laying there, we talked some more. Exchanged come compliments and compared who had better hair (I won haha) and then things started moving along. We kissed, pulled away and stared at each other, and kissed again. It was awesome.
Things got a lil more heated after the long makeout sesh. Both of us started taking each others clothes off one by one. We continued to kiss and grab each other. (The roughness and masculinity of a guy is mad sexy haha i love it) Then I was first go down on him and we switched a couple times taking turns. He got on top of me and I got on top of him. We didnt have sex but it wasn't needed. After about 30 minutes of kissing, jerking, and sucking on the bed, we moved to the shower and proceeded to do the same in there.
When we got out of the shower, we got back on the bed but this time, it wasn't as rough. We took our time and cuddled a bit. We laid there talking about random things with the occasional kiss here and there. That was the part I loved the most. Just being in the arms of another guy and holding another guy was perfect. I sound so soft saying that but I really enjoyed that haha
We did eventually get off, me being first (took awhile which was kind of awkward/embarrassing haha) but he was cool with it and then he got off. It was about 2 hours from when we started and every second was perfect. Things weren't rushed. Things weren't awkward (besides the last part). And things were just like how it should of been. Everything felt natural and for the first time I was myself the whole time.
After getting off, we laid in bed for a bit just cuddling some more and talking about how much fun we had and how we should of started right when we got into the room. I also had to leave to head back to school since I had lifting at 8am. That part sucked the most cause I wanted to just be in his arms and relax with him but I couldn't. So I dropped him off back at his school and got a goodbye hug and kiss. Since then we've talked some more and have planned on meeting again which I hope happens soon.
This whole experience was awesome and it felt great just to be with someone who didn't want to get his dick sucked and leave. The connection defiantly made the night that much better. Being attracted to someone physically isn't enough for me. I have to be emotionally attracted as well and to this guy, I was.
...Oh, and forgot to mention it was with a fellow blogger as well :)
Sunday, October 16, 2011
And for some advice I thought I was share for anyone struggling to come out or even thinking about coming out. Do it when you feel right and dont rush it. You have time and there is no time limit to when you need to tell someone. Also, from my experiences, things dont change no matter how bad you think someone will take it. Yeah it might take time for someone to adjust too it, but in the end, people will come around and still be with you...
Well thats about it, just goin out with some guys to celebrate our birthdays and get a drink (legally) haha take it easy everyone!
Thursday, October 13, 2011
But is it good to last long? Or is it better just be over and done with it? haha
As for question #4, haha ya it probs was TMI but just something I wasn't too sure about but yall defiantly cleared it up and thanks for that. Im not planning on rushing into any of that but Im defiantly gonna be carfeful when/if it does happen.
Thanks for the birthday wishes. It was a good birthday overall I guess with my mom comin up to see me.
And for the last post... I didnt say anything just. You could say I pussied out but I just dont want things to get complicated right now. Not saying they will, but they defiantly could. I have been debating on whether to tell a couple more guys but just not sure who yet. Im pretty content with the 4 guys knowing right now. We joke about it and they give me shit for it (in a good way) so Im happy with it.
To answer some of the questions that were posted in the comments... Season is goin okay. Could be better (but thats typically how it always is). Personally, not doin what I expect myself to do. Kind of in a sticky situation right now as well and it sucks to be in it. I think we are like halfway through our season so hopefully it can turn around... I took the music off cause not sure if people actually listen to it, and just kind of get lazy to change the playlist lol might add it later on
I think thats about it, you can comment with any questions and Ill probs respond there or on another post
Tuesday, October 11, 2011
This was written on "Freds" iPad from a teammate... (Fred, Peter, and the kid who wrote are all on my team). So its just a joke but its still some shit that kind of pisses me off. None of these guys know about me and im not sure if I want them too. Im pretty close with the kid who wrote it and the other two guys are just friends/teammates I guess. Not guys that I would hang out with one on one. But here it, just copied and pasted it from facebook...
my name is Fred. Unfortunately I am coming to the realization that I am a fucking faggot. I really and truly like dick. All of my friends joke around about me being gay but the joke is on them because, in fact, I am 100 percent homosexual. Sometimes when I'm alone I like to take off all of my clothes and go on my roommate Peter's facebook page. I think he is just perfect and I can see myself being with him for the rest of my life. How do I tell him this? How do I tell him that what he thinks is a joke is actually my life? How do i tell him that he's always on my mind and that I would do anything to be with him? One day he will know the truth. But for now, I will just go with the flow and keep pretending I fuck girls in order for all the guys to think I am straight, when really I am jacking off thinking of them. One day Peter will be mine and I will be all his. One day he will know that it has not been a joke all this time. One day the world will know that I, Fred, am in love with penis.
Sunday, October 9, 2011
My mom did fly up and see me though that weekend and watched two of my games (when i was playing, but thats for another post) and it was awesome spending time with her. She took me shopping and got me some things that I needed. Took me out for two birthday dinners haha First one was Outback which is my favorite restaurant then the next night she wanted to take me out to a nice place. So we went to Raleigh to Ruth's Chris. Im not much of a steak guy and I never order it when I go out but dammmnn, that shit was sooo banging. That place was mad expensive though and I felt like we could of went somewhere else but my mom said you only turn 21 once haha I also ordered my first drink there but we split it cause I had a game again the next day. She ended up drinkin most of it though
It was a solid weekend though when she came up, Im always happy to see my family, especially my mom. She's awesome :)
As for being 21, dont feel much different. Havent even got to a bar or anything just cause season right now and my roomy is only 20 so feel bad for leaving him behind. Just gonna have to wait for that...
I just think it could be nasty if the top pulls out with some stuff on his tip haha
Wednesday, September 28, 2011
Tonight is one of the nights where I had someone to hang with. Just talk, watch a movie, play fifa, or even sit there in silence would be fine. Its just knowing that he is there when I need him.
I just wrote a post then completely deleted it cause of how pissed I am. It was some venting of my game tonight and it made me sound like a complete dick. Tonight is a night where I wish I didnt play soccer. Thats hard to say but right now, I wish I was living the care-free college life.
Dont know what else to say. I want to write stuff down but I have so many thoughts goin on right now.
ps-awesome responses to the last post (those actually cheered me up some, pretty detailed responses)
Monday, September 26, 2011
Would you rather get a bj or give a bj?
I know some guys like to be givers and others like to take. Im not sure what I like more. The few bj's Ive got, I just didnt think anything special of it and the few that I've given, I was never happy with the dude I was with. So I think it might depend on the guy or situation I'm in. Also just in my own thoughts, I feel like if I admitted to like giving a bj more, that would make me so much more gayer than getting one haha
Saturday, September 17, 2011
Recently was in Baltimore and it defiantly surprised me. Its a sick city! I never have been there before but I kind of want to go back already. Did some walking around by the bay where there were so many restaurants and shops to go to.
This post didnt really have a meaning besides the exploration of a new city and my first mobile post. Downloaded a blogger app to my new phone and thought I would try it out.
Added some pics that were somewhat cool. The pic of the scrap metal and the concrete blocks were from the World Trade Center and Pentagon from 9/11. It was outside the World Trade Center there.
Take it easy world!
Thursday, September 15, 2011
Today we visited Bank of America for my major. What I'm studying in school defiantly isn't a everyday degree. Its along the lines of finance stuff though. Can't really get too in depth about it all but for my class, we took a trip to Charlotte this afternoon. We went to the top floor of the BoA building for some panel discussions and a very richy lunch. It was way sick. It opened my eyes to what my major offers and the opportunities it provides me. I'm pretty excited about the future. I actually wouldn't mind graduating next week and moving onto the working world. Yeah college is supposed to be the best years of your life, but I honestly haven't experience that. It could be soccer keeping me back from that, or being a closeted gay, or going to a small ass private school in the middle of nowhere, or me just not putting myself out there. I would say its a combination of all those but I think I'm ready to move on.
Another reason for me to get into the real world: relationship possibilities or at least meeting other gay people. Being at this school defiantly limits my chances of finding a chill guy to hang with. I guess my gaydar blows anyways so it makes it that much harder. I just feel like once Im on my own in a different city, I might be able to make some moves, meet some people. Dont really have a plan for that but I think it might be somewhat easier. I dont know though, I just want to be done with school and makin money...
I just want to be successful in all aspects of my life in the future
...and holy shit, just looked at my hw, probs should of done that instead of bloggin haha
So, with all the support I have gotten, their are some new guys who have started blogging for the same reasons I have and could probably use some words of wisdom as well. Here are two new blogs that have been started within the past couple of days that I cant wait to read their stories...
Check them out sometime! Belgian Guy and NormalKid88
"When you want to succedd as bad as you want to breathe..."
And as for the Becks/ Ronaldo debate... Yes I think Beckham is hotter, but no doubt about it, Ronaldo has an insane body! He is absolutely shredded!! And he is a fuckin is ridiculous footballer. This just shows why is one of the best in the world. Its a real good video if you have extra time.
I dont really have a type I would say, but I have some preferences. One being the guy should be masculine. Not necessarily by playing sports or working out a lot, but he shouldn't wear females clothes or talk with a lisp. I dont mind that type of people, but its just not for me to date. I love a normal guy who you wouldn't guess to be gay or into dudes. I find a lot of my straight friends to be perfect type of guys just because they dont give off the gay vibes (if that makes sense.) Im also kind of only into white guys. Again, its just a preference and not saying im racist by any means. I like all types of people. Thinking about it, my good group of friends is a pretty diverse group of people with all races. One of my best friends is black and he knows and took it pretty well too. As for a way a guy dresses, I like athletic type of clothing but also a guy who can dress up and look good going out. Not a fan of someone who takes 45 minutes too get ready though or someone who fake tans and its extremely noticeable. I like a nice tan line though below the waist :)
uhhhhhh a nice body is always good. Not asking for a straight up 8 pack but in decent shape is good. For body hair, I like some hair in the right places. Chest, arms, legs is all good unless your looking like teenwolf lol Clean shaven guys can be hot too. I do like when a guy shaves down below. I think its gross if a guy doenst clean up and its a forest down there. Im not trying to get a hairball! Thats a turnoff for me... I like facial hair or some scruff, thats real nice. Blonde hair or brown hair are typically the guys I look at but I've seen some real hot red heads before.
And overall, personality is a HUGE thing for me. If you aren't cool to chill with, then nothings gonna happen. I tend to be drawn to normal acting guys. Jokes here and there, serious talk, can hold a conversation, talk about whatever are all important things. I feel like talking is a huge part of a relationship so being able to connect on a personal level is key for me.
Thats about it I think. I guess thats somewhat of a description of a guy I would date :) hahah
Wednesday, September 7, 2011
At one point, I was in the water with 3 of the 4 guys that know and there was a situation where there were 2 girls and 1 guy so they were tryin to have me go talk to the dude so the guys could talk to the girls. It was funny cause we started talkin about how he wasnt my type and stuff like that. And they were saying that your always gonna have a hookup to where your not proud about lol I just thought it was cool that we were talking about it so openly and they were asking what my type was and stuff. It was pretty funny.
And then at dinner Monday night, I was there with 3 guys who knew again and one asked me who my top five guys at school I thought were good looking. I dont know there names so I just said there were a couple in my classes and that I would point them out if I saw them around. Then we just went to famous people about who I thought was hot. I named some and they were naming guys and judging them as well lol Then I said I would take David Beckham over Cristiano Ronaldo and they got pissed at me. They couldnt believe I said that and they were giving me shit for that. It was real funny that they were judging guys with me and stuff.
Then we were talking about hookups or something along those lines. And one guy said "you got to slay the dragons to get to the princess." I said "Im not trying for the princess" and he was like, "then you got to slay them to get to the prince homie" hahahah I was cracking up when he said that. (and if yall dont understand it, dragons are ugly guys obviously and the prince is the hot guy lol) Its awesome that the guys are so open about talking about it with me and asking me questions. It feels fuckin awesome not havin to avoid answers about girls and stuff. Feel so much better on the inside since telling them. Its awesome not being treated any differently since tellin those guys which is cool.
Thats about it thats new. scored a goal that other day that was so sick and I was shocked I scored it lol It was probs one of my better if not best ones I've ever scored. School is still school so nothing new there.
Thats about it I guess. Hope everyone has had a good Labor Day weekend!
--And thanks for all the comments on the last post!! Means a lot to me people :)
Monday, September 5, 2011
Thursday, August 25, 2011
The first guy, I told this past Sunday night. He is also my roommate along with my teammate that already knows. So the two guys Im living with this year know. They wont be freaked out now if I bring a guy back (if I ever find one) haha. But it was pretty easy too, I just told him I needed to tell him something earlier in the night. So after one of our friends left, he asked me what it was I needed to tell him. He just got out the shower and was drying off and was like "so what was it that you were gonna tell me?", I kind of laughed and just said put some clothes on and I'll tell you. Would of been a bit ironic if I told him while he was naked in front of me lol. So he put clothes on and came into my roomys room who already knows. I just explained the situation how I told my other roomy back in October (crazy its been so long since i've told him!!) and that Ive told my family and stuff. He was a kid I've wrote about that is religious and has said some stupid stuff about gay people but he was real cool about it. He didn't mind it and said some stuff about bible references that made sense and were kind of in my favor so it was cool. After like 10 minutes of talking, he was like "alright, I got a question...do you beat off then?" Me and my other roomy started cracking up and I just said yes and he had a pretty funny look on his face. It was just random that was like the only question he asked. haha
Then I told the 2nd teammate Monday night. He came over to play fifa and we were waiting on other teammates to get here cause they had study hall and we didnt so he was playing while i was on my laptop. I just told him during the game that I needed to tell him something once he was done. He paused the game and just said to tell him now but I kept saying I will tell him after. He laughed and was said I was scaring him lol but so after the game ended, I explained the situation to him how I told the guy the previous night and my other roomy last year. He was real cool about it and said that I shouldn't hide it and I should be proud about it. Im still in the stage of accepting it and I think im trying to tell people that way its for sure (if that makes sense). Like i still think its weird I like dick and stuff haha... Anyways back to the story: I told him and he told me that he has a gay uncle he is real close to and an aunt who is gay as well. He related to it and stuff and it was real cool. He thanked me for telling him and was proud of me for telling him. It felt good to hear him say that. (if yall remember an old post about me and my teammates at zaxbys last semester, this was the kid who said he would kill his child if it was gay, so i know like that stuff doesnt mean shit if people actually do come out) So then i sent him a text that night thanking him for being so cool about it all and it meant a lot to me. He replied "yea man im always here for you bro!! you my nig too! appreciate you trustin me n tellin me man. That takes alot of courage. You will always be my homie!" then 2 minutes later "dawgg I gotta tell u a funny story tomm...tennis chick came over again hahaha this is funny" So nothing has changed between us since telling him haha
Then last night was the 3rd guy I told. I asked him to download me a cd (The Carter IV, lil Waynes new cd, its sick so check it out) cause the school blocks our internet and cant download shit here. So he got it and I asked if I could come by and get it and said ya and I told him I needed to tell him something as well. I got there, got the cd, then started talking a bit. Then just told him. How I told the other guys and everything. He has 3 gay cousins and some friends back home that are gay as well so he was real chill about it. He also said I should be proud of it and that it took mad courage to come out. He thanked me for keeping him in the circle of trust so he could know haha. Then he apologized for anything in the past he said that would be offensive. i thought that was pretty sick of him to do that. I just told him, its all in good fun and its not takin seriously. But that was it really. We were together today and nothing any different. This kid is the roommate of the 2nd guy I told so they might talk about it and I said its cool if they do. Also to ask me anything if they have questions or anything.
So ya, pretty big steps I think and might be telling a couple more soon. Im just to the point of I dont care what others think cause Im junior, do work on the field and people respect me on and off the field (sounds cocky i know but it helps me build confidence lol)
Got our first season game tomorrow against a ranked team so should be sick. Pretty excited to start this season. I needs to get to bed now, class in the am... Later world!
Saturday, August 20, 2011
Last weekend, we had our first scrimmage game. It was a road trip for us that was supposed to take only 6 hours... it didn't. Our bus broke down on the side of the highway for 8 HOURS!! It was ridiculous! We were 2 hours away from our hotel when the bus just suddenly like shutdown. So the driver pulled over and tried to get it to start again but nothing. We ending up gettin a bus from Raleigh to come pick us up which was 4 hours away but they didn't leave at the time they said they would so it took fuckin forever. We even ordered pizza and had it delivered to us lol That was pretty funny I thought. I feel like thats not allowed but Im glad the place did it for us. We ended up talking, listening to music, and playing games to pass the time. Luckily we made it back without breakin down haha
This semester for school should be pretty difficult. I'm taking 3 classes for my major and they are on a 7-point grading scale instead of a 10-point one. So that sucks but I'm only taking 15 hours which shouldn't be too bad (hopefully). I have a couple of good looking guys in my class but none that give off any gayish vibes lol
So a couple of a posts ago I mentioned that I told my teammate that knows about my hookups on craigslist, he searched the sites and we talked about it. He said the m4m section was hilarious lol and that in the m4w section, one ad said "im donating babies, hit me up" hahahahah I started crackin up when he told me this stuff. He also searched for the area around school for girls but nothing local lol The funny thing was, we were talkin about this in our lockerroom showers. There wasn't any other guys from the team in there but still, pretty funny he brought it up there.
I'm thinking about tellin some guys from the team about the lil secret as well. Just debating when/how/ or if i should. I kind of want to tell our third roomy but just havent had time to bring it up. I dont know, I really want to be done with all this shit about coming out. Or just not have to do it. I'm just getting to the point of where its on my mind again all the time and it pisses me off.
Thats about it, later world.
Friday, August 5, 2011
Take it easy everyone
Wednesday, August 3, 2011
To say the least, this summer has been pretty uneventful in my eyes. I literally played soccer or coached soccer everyday this summer. I mean I love soccer and all, but a lil variety would of been nice. I went out once this summer and didnt really drink cause I was driving. Pretty much hung out and played FIFA in my spare time haha Well I'm also taking an online brit lit class that blows. Its end on the 11th so Im pumped about that. Its just a bunch of busy work that I think is not necessary at all. Once Im done with this class, Im done with English with the rest of my life! pretty pumped about that
And some new jams. In honor of Big Sean dropping his album Finally Famous: The Album. straight fire too...the first song is my jam right
Well, take it easy everyone!
Saturday, July 16, 2011
So I tried writing a post tonight since I've been so fucking bored butttttt I couldnt even do that. Its like my brain doesnt know how to function properly when Im bored. My thoughts wont stay put when Im trying to write. I had started two posts before giving up on them and now this is my post in order to clear thoughts.
Talked to some blog buddies tonight and it was great. I love talking about random shit with someone who knows my secret. Its like a sense of openness. Even if we dont talk about gay things, them just knowing makes things feel better. Like earlier in the evening I was with my brothers fiance getting dinner. He's out of town so it was just me and her. We sat there for hours just talking after we were done. From what I wanted to do after school, to adopting kids, to family. It was just random talk and I felt at ease because she knows about me.
I dont know what it is when I talk to someone who knows Im gay, but it certainly is a different feeling than talking to someone who doesnt know.
Hope everything is well people!
Monday, July 4, 2011
So here it is, check it out!
Soldier leaves legacy much larger than 'he was gay'
-And I enjoy reading the comments from these articles, but one I read yesterday was saying something like this article should just be about the soldier dieing and not about him being gay cause its no difference that a black soldier and if the article read "soldier leaves legacy larger than being black" and then like the gay community should stop fighting for rights cause it doesnt matter. Well in my opinion, I feel like thats fuckin retarded because unlike gay people, black people can obviously serve open in the military. Gays have to suppress their feelings and serve for the country that restricts its rights. Also, its bullshit because blacks also had to fight for their freedom and rights so why cant gays? It makes no sense and it seriously pisses me off when people say such ignorant shit. Like why the fuck do people care so much who others are fucking or liking. It makes no difference to them at all!
Well thats it, feels good to get that off my chest. Time to celebrate the best country in the world :) stay safe everyone!
Thursday, June 30, 2011
Wednesday, June 15, 2011
Within the past month, I've told one person. Its an old highschool friend that I havent seen a while but we talk occasionaly. I told him through a text and he was super chill about it. I knew he would be so thats why I decided just to tell him. I think his lil bro is gay and so does he but he doesnt care about it. But when I told him, he just asked a bunch of questions like what type of guys Im into, do I have a bf, am I trying to have one, just stuff like that. And I was real happy he did cause normally people dont ask that stuff right away. Also he goes to UT (University of Texas) and for those who know UT, its in Austin and Austin is very liberal. Their slogan is "keep Austin weird" so there are plenty of gay people and just different people but he invited down to stay with him and he would take me to some gay clubs lol he's a good guy and Im real glad I told him.
Since being here in Nashville, I've had no action lol Its been a while too and Im gettin to that point where I need a hookup. And not knowing anyone here makes it that much harder. I've tried craigslist but holy shit, the people on there for this city are weirrrdddd. Its awful! Like I feel there has to be other guys out there in my situation in this city. Nashville seems pretty liberal from what I've seen of it. And when I go out, I always see real good looking dudes and got mad fashion and I can never tell if they are gay or straight. I just really want to have some fun before I head back to jail (my school) lol
Thats about it I guess, I will post more often for sure
Tuesday, May 17, 2011
Saturday, May 14, 2011
Tonight we went to see Bridesmaid which was fuckin hilarious!! Its supposed to be the female version of The Hangover and it's pretty close to it. My bro's gf was with her girlfriends and me and my bro met up with them at the theaters. After the movie, me, my bro and his gf went to get some pizza and then came back to my brothers place to chill. On the way home, I asked my brother if it was cool to tell her tonight (she was in a separate car) and he said of course and that she wouldnt care in which she didnt. He was in the shower and me and her were just watching tv. I just was like "I have to tell you something." then I said it. For some reason, this time was by far the easiest. I felt a lot more calm and composed compared to the other times I told people. We talked about it for a couple minutes and that was it. She didnt care and she said she felt honored that I told her lol
It feels like more weight has been lifted off my shoulders since telling her. I love the after feeling off telling someone, its awesome to know that you dont have to put a front up anymore when your around that person. Now I just wish I was completely out hahaha
Wednesday, May 11, 2011
Heres the link to his story and its def a good read: check it out!
Monday, May 9, 2011
Wednesday, May 4, 2011
Sunday, May 1, 2011
Being gay doesnt effect anyone besides that person so why do others care so much?
- So I was on facebook and one kids status caught my eye. He wasnt even a friend of mine but one of my friends commented on it so thats how it came up on my news feed. The status just said "who wants to hang out?" It was from a kid that goes to the high school I graduated from and we have mutual friends but I dont personally know the kid. I clicked his picture and he was obviously gay. Wore make up, had a "alter-ego" name and it was a girl name, and I even think it said he was into guys but anyways. Some kid commented on the status saying "no one like hangin out with faggets!" Then people liked that! I couldnt believe someone would actually write that on someone status. Like why the fuck would you take the time out of your life to comment on a kids status you clearly arent friends with, then spend 45 minutes defending why people dont like gay people. The status had like 40 comments because it was back and forth between people saying the kid who wrote "no one like hangin out with faggets" comment was an ass then him saying gay people shouldnt be a live. This made me mad just because I couldnt believe these kids would say some shit like that. Like forreal, why do people care so much whether someone is gay or not. It has nothing to do with them.
MTV Real World controversy
-If you dont watch the show, its about 8 random people who live in a house together in Las Vegas. Well a housemate named Dustin previously used to work on Fratmen.com. Its a gay site which has straight guys just do stuff naked. But it was a secret he has been hiding since being on the site. The secret came out while they were filming and the whole house found out. He isnt gay but the thought of him workin in gay porn had the other housemates questioning him. It was ironic this happened though because in a previous episode, he was caught saying man and women were created for procreation and gays shouldnt be able to marry. The dude is a chump in my eyes just cause the way he acts and stuff. He's always lying and sayin stupid ass shit. I thought I would write about it just because it was similiar to me cause not to many people know my secret and the reactions he got when the others found out are the ones I dont want. They were all pissed caused he wasnt being truthful about who he really is but I dont think I would tell others if I did gay porn. That seems like it could be a difficult conversation lol
My Homophobic roommate
-Ive talked about him before. He is from Jamaica and plays on the team with me and he doesnt like gays. If you remember a while ago, he was the one who said he would kill his child if it was gay. But he said that being gay goes against everything he believes in and that its bad to be gay. Im not the one to stand up and defend but thats more out of not wanting to be called out. I mean he is a great guy and love him and all but I just feel like he needs to be more open minded. He's a senior and wont be returning next year and the next three days might be the last ones I see him (school is almost over!!) unless he comes to visit or I go to Jamaica. Ive thought about tellin him but just never have. Not really a point either to tell him now just cause I wont see him much anymore. I do kind of want to put a better or more realistic picture about gays in his mind. Not all are flamboyant and talk like girls or cant play sports. Im for sure better than him at soccer (not being cocky but my stats show it) and just want to show that gays can be normal guys. Im most defiantly not the stereotypical gay. All the people Ive told had no idea and didnt believe me (mom still doesnt really) and no one ever questions me. I just feel like he has the wrong idea and would love to tell him how it really is.
Thats about it really, school is so close to being done. I got one final Monday and one on Tuesday and Im done! Somehow I managed to survive this past week with all the projects I had. And hopefully Im getting to go home before I go to Nashville because I want to see my friends so bad. I have two friends who go to Alabama and were there during the tornado. One of their houses is gone now. I couldnt the picture she put up on facebook showing her place. It was nothing besides broken wood and random clothes on the ground. I feel so bad seeing that shit happen. They were friends with the couple who was the football player and the girl who died. Fortunately the guy is in the hospital but I cant believe one of their friends was killed by it. It sucks seeing that shit happen. Especially someone who has the rest of their life ahead of them and its taken away like that. So I just ask everyone prays for everyone who has been affected by that awful tornado :/ (kind of turned to a depressin post)
Friday, April 22, 2011
Today havent really done much. Woke up this morning to go to the track for a workout then after went to the gym for a lift. Now that soccer is done, I got to keep in shape for the summer. Only got 3 class days left then finals start. Its coming down to crunch time cause I have a 6 pg paper due Tuesday then a 7 pg paper due Wednesday then some shit for accounting due Wednesday. Its gonna super stressful this coming week. Im just trying to stay positive cause summer is soooo close haha
Well thats about it, just straight chillin right now. Might post again soon with some thoughts about gay stuff that I have been meaning to write about
Sunday, April 17, 2011
Also, do your coaches ever say anything about it when your teammates say something homophobic in front of them?
Thanks again to everyone who reads and that has been with me for so long. I really do appreciate all the comments and support I get from everyone on here!!
Tuesday, April 12, 2011
|Center piece at our table. Almost every table had a different one.|
|View from my moms, sister, and aunts room.|
Also, new music! the first song is my jam right now
Monday, April 11, 2011
I went through and read some of my old posts. Was laughing at some of them but also thought its fuckin crazy how far I've come in only a year. I love where Im at and pretty content with it too. I dont feel the need to just go tell anyone who walks by. I guess a couple more teammates knowing couldnt hurt but Im not gonna force the issue.
Nothing too big has happened since my last post. This past weekend I was in Charlotte for my uncle's wedding and it was pretty sick. Im gonna post more about it later just cause Im tired and got a big day tomorrow. Its gonna be a rough 3 weeks cause school is coming to an end and I got a shit ton of stuff due :/
So in celebration of my one year (sounds like im married to this thing), yall can ask me questions. Just post a comment and I will try to answer them in a timely fashion in a post. I know I wont get many, possibly none but just thought I would let yall ask any since I've never done it before.