Sunday, May 1, 2011

thoughts on some gay stuff

Past couple of weeks some things have happened regarding some gay things said. I will try to separate it just to make it easier to understand...

Being gay doesnt effect anyone besides that person so why do others care so much?
 - So I was on facebook and one kids status caught my eye. He wasnt even a friend of mine but one of my friends commented on it so thats how it came up on my news feed. The status just said "who wants to hang out?" It was from a kid that goes to the high school I graduated from and we have mutual friends but I dont personally know the kid. I clicked his picture and he was obviously gay. Wore make up, had a "alter-ego" name and it was a girl name, and I even think it said he was into guys but anyways. Some kid commented on the status saying "no one like hangin out with faggets!" Then people liked that! I couldnt believe someone would actually write that on someone status. Like why the fuck would you take the time out of your life to comment on a kids status you clearly arent friends with, then spend 45 minutes defending why people dont like gay people. The status had like 40 comments because it was back and forth between people saying the kid who wrote "no one like hangin out with faggets" comment was an ass then him saying gay people shouldnt be a live. This made me mad just because I couldnt believe these kids would say some shit like that. Like forreal, why do people care so much whether someone is gay or not. It has nothing to do with them.

MTV Real World controversy
-If you dont watch the show, its about 8 random people who live in a house together in Las Vegas. Well a housemate named Dustin previously used to work on Its a gay site which has straight guys just do stuff naked. But it was a secret he has been hiding since being on the site. The secret came out while they were filming and the whole house found out. He isnt gay but the thought of him workin in gay porn had the other housemates questioning him. It was ironic this happened though because in a previous episode, he was caught saying man and women were created for procreation and gays shouldnt be able to marry. The dude is a chump in my eyes just cause the way he acts and stuff. He's always lying and sayin stupid ass shit. I thought I would write about it just because it was similiar to me cause not to many people know my secret and the reactions he got when the others found out are the ones I dont want. They were all pissed caused he wasnt being truthful about who he really is but I dont think I would tell others if I did gay porn. That seems like it could be a difficult conversation lol

My Homophobic roommate
-Ive talked about him before. He is from Jamaica and plays on the team with me and he doesnt like gays. If you remember a while ago, he was the one who said he would kill his child if it was gay. But he said that being gay goes against everything he believes in and that its bad to be gay. Im not the one to stand up and defend but thats more out of not wanting to be called out. I mean he is a great guy and love him and all but I just feel like he needs to be more open minded. He's a senior and wont be returning next year and the next three days might be the last ones I see him (school is almost over!!) unless he comes to visit or I go to Jamaica. Ive thought about tellin him but just never have. Not really a point either to tell him now just cause I wont see him much anymore. I do kind of want to put a better or more realistic picture about gays in his mind. Not all are flamboyant and talk like girls or cant play sports. Im for sure better than him at soccer (not being cocky but my stats show it) and just want to show that gays can be normal guys. Im most defiantly not the stereotypical gay. All the people Ive told had no idea and didnt believe me (mom still doesnt really) and no one ever questions me. I just feel like he has the wrong idea and would love to tell him how it really is.

Thats about it really, school is so close to being done. I got one final Monday and one on Tuesday and Im done! Somehow I managed to survive this past week with all the projects I had. And hopefully Im getting to go home before I go to Nashville because I want to see my friends so bad. I have two friends who go to Alabama and were there during the tornado. One of their houses is gone now. I couldnt the picture she put up on facebook showing her place. It was nothing besides broken wood and random clothes on the ground. I feel so bad seeing that shit happen. They were friends with the couple who was the football player and the girl who died. Fortunately the guy is in the hospital but I cant believe one of their friends was killed by it. It sucks seeing that shit happen. Especially someone who has the rest of their life ahead of them and its taken away like that. So I just ask everyone prays for everyone who has been affected by that awful tornado :/ (kind of turned to a depressin post)


  1. man great post, I mean like thought provoking, cuz I was actually gonna come home and write one as well after bein with my friends tonight. Went to JJ's to watch hockey and it was like 18 straight guys, me and jamie's gf. we were outside at one point and jamies gf is like "howcome ur not drinkin?" and I said gotta work tomorrow and shes like "ohh gay" and she knows about me so I was like wtf and jsut said "yea o well I usually have to work weekends" and she says again "yea thats really gay" and I'm like is this chick serious we had a conversation about it a few weeks ago does she really think that's ok? like first time ok but she repeated it and I just looked at her cuz I didn't know how to react.

    Obviously with group mentality straight guys tend to be a little worse but tonight was really bad for some reason and I just felt like leaving in the middle of it and walking out so pissed off like fuck you guys at least half of which I've told personally. I sometimes will call them out if we're in a small group but not tonight... like "yea thats gay" and I'll say "it's what?" with a straight face until they get it, if not right away hahah.

    But ya seriously tho man pisses me off like for straight people how does two guys or two girls being together affect your life in any way. Not like they're PDA or anything like fuck get a life and worry about your own marriage. They gay people are usually quiet and subtle about it and just wanting to be themselves. Like with Josh he literally says to me "I cant accept your choice and I don't believe its right" and I'm like well I guess its better than "fuck off" but I mean seriously I'm open minded toward him and I can't imagine being like "sorry man whatever you believe in you shouldn't be doing that its not cool... even though it affects no one else but you"

    anyways stuff like that is usually really deeply rooted in their personality unfortunatly and it's usually how they were brought up and stuff... so unless they're gay themselves they may not really ever understand it. I guess can only hope for steady progress in the right direction

    sorry to hear about your friends and the tornados thats really sad, hope they're doing ok considering all that has happened

  2. I agree totally it is no ones business what sexuality you are but most of the idiots who mock gay people are just so thick. A friend of mine has a thing for big tits he is really crazy about them. He is quite a good looking guy and has a nice personality but because of his tit fetish most of the girls he dates are on the big side.You should hear the abuse he takes because he shags what they term fat girls and most of the people doing the abusing have never been with a girl. The fact is some people will find any excuse to condemn and bully others in the hope that it their own faults wont be highlighted. I would not waste my time trying to re-educate your room mate just let him go on his way with his stupid opinions. Thanks for sharing an interesting post I myself am in the process of coming out
    and like TB in the comment above I have no doubt nights like that to come.
    Cheers Dave x

  3. I once read an article that gave an evolutionary argument about why people care about the sexual variation of other people. Since sex is essential for the continuation of our species, people are going to care about it, especially in the case of their own children. So if people think that things like homosexuality might rub off on other people, especially children people are going to react negatively to that. Just an interesting thought.

    Also I don't get the whole "don't use the word gay like that" thing. My friends and I will call each other gay, homo, faggot, etc and they know I like guys. I think it is more important how something is said rather than what is said. Like if you're singling someone out like with the Facebook guy in this post.

  4. You are certainly a nice polite respectful and thoughtful young man. I'm glad the world has people like you in it.


  5. You definitely should NOT try to re-educate your roommate. It is NOT in your best interests, for a number of reasons.

    Besides it not being his business, though; is the larger fact that homophobia is a cultural institution in Jamaica (as well as many other Carribean countries), due to the legacy of old British sodomy laws from its colonial days. There are varying opinions on its status today, but it is still in many ways an overwhelmingly LGBT-hostile country.

    By attempting to engage him in a debate over sexuality, you would be facing an uphill battle of challenging his very cultural identity, and that's not the kind of drama you need to be getting into, especially right now. Like the saying goes, pick your battles.

    Just ignore him, and he'll be out of your hair before you know it.

  6. I have such a problem when people say "i'm not the stereotypical gay" What does that mean? If people believe in the stereotypical gay then do they believe in the stereotypical african american? or the stereotypical athlete/jock? Where does it stop? If you believe the stereotypes then all jocks are just way beyond that true?of course not so why say your not the stereotypical gay?.

    I've been reading your blog and i find your a smart caring guy. there should never be stereotypical anythings. just like there are different types of people in the world there are different types of gay people in the world. when we stop using phrases like "stereotypical gay" in our own community then maybe people would recognize it in the rest of the world.

  7. good point from anonymous about cultural identity. when it's been deeply ingrained into who they are, they may subconsciously see it as a threat to themselves, even if your point may be valid. Perhaps eventually leading by example may change attitudes over time, but that's why I took a completely hands-off approach with josh. We're so far apart in terms of the issue we just both choose to not discuss it directly. We each made our position known and that was it. In the end it seems like we're still able to maintain the friendship out of mutual respect for each other. I still hope he'll come around but ya not an overnight fix

  8. its crazy man, i am from alabama also, my parents just now have electricty!! but good job on ur blogg

  9. Socrkid: Whether you want to be a poster boy for non-stereotypical gay guys is up to you but just remember, some times you have to fight for yourself and not let everyone else carry the load to change public opinion. It is very easy to demonize a group, especially when there are no role models to counter the stereotypes.

    People are fearful of what they don't understand or where they cannot relate. The best way to change people's minds is to show them how wrong their preconceived notions and prejudices are.

    You don't have to be an activist and be in people's faces all the time, you just show them by your own example that you are not ashamed and are willing to no longer hide and tolerate second class treatment.

  10. The biggest problem with people making disparaging remarks about gay guys, is ignorance. Usually when someone gets to know you, whatever pre-conceived ideas they may have had are dispelled. That is why when you do come out to your friends their ideas about gay guys are changed, because they know you are a good guy and it blows their pre-conceptions out of the window.

    Slowly the world is being educated, and things will change, but in the meantime you need not fear those who know you for the person you are.

  11. Hi, I am a reader of Brazil. Look what I found:
    Advocacy in song lyrics
    As a result of the strong anti-homosexual culture in Jamaica, many reggae and dancehall artists, such as Buju Banton, Elephant Man, Sizzla, and have published song lyrics advocating violence against homosexuals. Similarly, hip-hop music often includes aggressively homophobic lyrics... more in

  12. TB: Ya dude, I know how you feel after hangin with all straight people. I feel like that too sometimes. I just get annoyed and then from then on, everything the rest of the night pisses me off. Sorry to hear about that chick and Josh. That’s how my roommate would be I feel like but I wont know since I didn’t tell him haha. But I just don’t get why others care so much. Its real dumb…but my friends are okay and I get to see them tomorrow!

    Dave: haha that’s kind of funny about your friend but ya, others always look for flaws in others to make them feel better about themselves. I feel like its human nature when people do that. But good luck in your process!! It takes a lot to come out but I promise it is worth it in the end!

    Annonymous: Hmm, that is an interesting article and never thought about it like that but still doesn’t give them the right to make others feel like shit if they are gay. Straight people don’t understand the thought and feeling process of gays so they shouldn’t be able to talk I feel… And since coming out, I have reduced the usage of the word gay but that’s just a personal choice. I will say it and so will the people that I came out too and it doesn’t bother me too much but I do feel like it would help the coming out process if it wasn’t used as much. It just has a negative connotation to it and it keeps kids from coming out at an early age.

    J: Thank you very much! :) Im really nothing special haha

    Anonymous: Ya I didn’t even bother talking to him. His Jamaican culture is very homophobic and he talks about it a lot cause we will joke with him about it. That’s why I never told him and have kept it to just my one teammate. Its not really his business anyways so its whatever really.

    Chris Pack: I understand completely what you mean, but I honestly feel like there are stereotypes. Everywhere in our society there are and I really dont ever think they will go away. I dont like saying it but for any race there are stereotypes; African Americans, Asians, Mexicans, even male and female, there is a perceived idea about that individual group. Our human nature is judging others and comparing against each other. Personally I dont care what race or gender anyone is, they are human to me. I feel like being gay and struggling with all shit has helped me realize this as well. But I use the term "stereotypical gay" as a basis that readers would understand because no matter, everyone has a preconceived idea about a gay guy...I will try to refrain from using that though because I do feel like by making a little change in our community can help the bigger community accept the gays

    James: Thanks man! but ya dude, that shit was insane! I couldnt the pics my friends showed me! Im glad your family is safe though!!

    FoC: Ya Im not trying to be a poster boy for gays haha Its just not my type of thing to do. But I understand what you mean. Its awesome there have been a few professional athletes that have came out and proven peoples ideas wrong. Its a start for our society and Im sure when I get older and more comfortable with the gay stuff, I will stand up more for the gay community.

    Hotbodz: Ya I agree with you, its just gonna take time. My friends have all been really cool about it and Im real glad they have but its just gonna take a long time for the society as a whole to be cool with it.

    Anonymous: Thanks for reading! But ya, its crazy there!

  13. Just watchin tv and saw real world on, then I was like wait that dude looks familiar and it was that dustin guy hahah so just brought up this post to see cuz I remembered u talkin about it. He is probably a chump but he's so hot hahaha damn shame. Haven't really watched the show before. Also kinda dumb how its a double standard about doin "gay porn" and how it automatically must mean he might be gay, (or suspicions) whereas the two chicks who are makin out in the same episode are just jokin around. And like thinkin about how I've had sex with a girl but I'm definitely not straight and no one would accuse me of being "straight" haha know what I mean? Effed up!


  14. I just want to put out there that I am straight but I lost a good friend do to this issue you see we were hanging out and im a big hugger I like to hug every body so when my friend walked up I asked him for a hug and instead of just saying no he had to say wow dude im not homo so back off. I was in shock I asked what he had against em he said that they are gay and weird and that's enough that every single one of them should be wiped off the planet I was so fuckin mad I punched him square in the nose and haven't seen him for like a week I just don't get it wth do people have against gays they are people just like you and me why can't we all just understand that and get along. Grr

  15. Anonymous- ya man, thats some bullshit and the shouldnt happen. I dont understand people who are that homophobic and cant see that gay people are normal and not just trying to get in every guys pants. It will take time for it to change. But thanks for reading! Didnt know anyone who was straight read my blog haha