Thursday, February 23, 2012

half way there

So after that post yesterday, I was just in the mood to try to push the boundaries and so I did... I told 3 teammates after training on the way to dinner. These are kids that I've been meaning to tell but just didnt get around to it and the times I was going too, I bitched out. But yeah, I told them and they were mad chill about it. It was by far the most awkward telling them though cause I've never told more than one person at a time and this was 3 of them in my car while I was driving. The kid in the driver seat had a look like he saw a ghost or something when I told him. It made me feel weird cause he just froze and was super stunned. But after explaining how people knew and stuff, the mood lightened up. So now with 3 more down, I'm half way out to my team

Wednesday, February 22, 2012

i want to make a difference

Since being somewhat 'out' and reading so many coming out stories, it really has made me what to do more. Yeah, being openly out could have it negatives but I honestly feel the positives would out weight them. This is the thought that keeps me on the edge of telling people.

Just Sunday night, I told another person. Its the girl that has been helping me with some school work and also one that wanted to hook up with me a while back. I made it clear that it wasnt going to happen so my roommate took over the sex with her haha. (not sure I wrote about this, but she wanted to have the 3-some with me and my roomy) When I told her about me being gay, I explained that was the reason why the 3-some never happen and she was like "damn, so I never had a shot with you" It was pretty funny and she took it real well. She was happy for me and was so excited to be asking me all different types of questions. Some were awesome that had me and her dying laughing. This is the first girl at school that I've told and the next day at the library when studying, we both commented on this good looking guy that walked by. I also told her about EC (the kid I'm talking too for those who dont know), and she was super happy for me. She really wants to meet him too haha

But back to my main point...For anyone who reads this blog, its really just like an online journal to me but to others, I've realized people can relate to it and make connections with some of my stories/thoughts/feelings. I want to people to read it and make a connection with it. I want it to help someone even if its just one person. I know before I started mine, I read a bunch of blogs that I felt like were the exact thoughts and feelings that I had. I guess what I'm trying to say is that I really want to be out and be a good role model for the younger generations who struggle with themselves. It makes me sick to see what the government does when discussing bills about same-sex marriage and other issues within the gay community. Why the fuck should it be up to others if one couple can get married. Or if a certain group is discriminated against and nothing happens to those who do the damage. Is innocent kids killing themselves not enough evidence that something is wrong with this fucking country with dealing with these things. I know it took time for African-Americans to get freedom and rights but since that period, our culture has flourished. Not one bad thing has come from that. Why can't they relate those issues with the present day discrimination of gays. This shit is so fucking frustrating. It kills me cause realistically I can't do anything to change the minds of those who vote against gay bills. I honestly just want to help and show that being gay isn't a problem and you can live your life how you want to, and you should live your life how you want to!

Not sure if that made sense but its been a long 3 days this week already and when I get heated, its hard to write down how I feel... Well, hope everyone is having a great week!

Sunday, February 12, 2012

crazy 3 weeks

where the fuck does time go? i swear these past 3 week have gone by so fast but its weird cause during the week, it feels like forever haha it's probably cause im awake about for about 18-19 hours of the day. early mornings starting at 6, sometimes 5:30 then going to bed around midnight or later makes the day seem so long. Spring training has sucked pretty bad. Fitness is getting old fast and im not a fan of the lifting we are doing. The supersets we do are minimal and I feel like if im gonna be in the gym for about an hour, i want to do more than just two supersets. Its because we do so much stretching and plyometric stuff that we dont lift as much. I guess its more soccer specific lifting which is a good thing.

There really isn't much new and thats kind of the reason why I havent posted much (also because when I sit down to write stuff, I forget about what I was planning on writing). I did tell another teammate about 2 weeks ago. It went well after he believed me. Its a freshman that is pretty close with us cause he's from Moneterrey so he has the latin connection with my roomy haha But when I told him, he didnt believe me for like 15 minutes. We did like a question game between me and my roomy to prove to him that I wasnt lying. It was pretty funny when he was asking me questions then asking my roomy to confirm it. He said it was fine and that he respected still and that it was hard to believe because I didnt act like it.

Also want to say thanks for everyone who commented on the last post. I still think I'm too nice but I dont plan on changing to be some douchebag haha

Well hope everyone is doing well and take it easy