the story of a closeted college soccer player
Hey man,I’m new to your blog. Started reading two days ago, and couldn’t stop… till I read it all! Shouldn’t be doing this, cause mainly during my work, since I’m alone at the office this week lol.I never posted on a blog before, but something in yours makes your story keeps going through my mind. Don’t now what cause there are plenty of blogs like yours, but I guess you just seem a very nice guy te me. And you seem to doubt about your writing, but i like your natural and easy-going style, which makes it easy reading for me. While reading trough, some things made me smile, like your eating habits. It sounds like I hear my boyfried speaking cause he used to eat almost nothing but chicken en bread with Nutella. Maybe you have to look for a bf who makes you eat vegetables and things too, it will keep your athlete-body in shape while getting older ;) . I also had to laugh with your questions about sex, keep doing this man, very funny to read the answers. I didn’ used to know much about gaysex (had no internet then and knew nobody) until my bf gave me some porn after a while lol. Though I liked what i saw in there, and anal looked and still looks like a fun thing to me, that doesn’t work with us in reality, physically (auch!) and i mean what a mess, so it stays whit blowjobs en handwork lol. But I must say cudling en hugging is much more important to me, so bout the sex so be it.Also I recognized myself in many of your posts.. I’m a gay guy from Belgium aged 28, have a bf since 7 years and live with him since 2 years. Now I’m out to anybody I know (since 7 years): whole family, friends, at work, neighbourhood,… Never had bad reactions, though, it was a hard job to do that, cause I’m what you call masculine (i like adventurous sports like hiking, rafting, wildwaterkayak, canyoning, windsurfing, sailing, i like doing rough work,…) and I couldn’t see myself being gay, tough I was all the time dreaming, fantasizing and thinking about guys and even had some kind of gaysex with my 2 best friend in time when I was 14, on a holiday in France, but that was very childish like: as long as we have no girlfriend, we can get some experience by ach other. It was my friends idea and I must say I didn’t dislike that lol. Mainly I had that problem because my view on being gay was totally wrong, you know the waving hands and stuff… I had to deal all the time with girls who fell in love with me and mostly I liked them very much as a friend, but never fell in love, and all the time I felt confused cause I wanted to be ‘normal’. Since I accepted myself like I am, about the age of 20, I was getting ready to come out. I first met my bf (at a sort of gay youth club were you can watch movies, do some sporting, some times party, in the city I studied. Which was a good thing to go, because you met so much normal, cute, funny gay guys you never thought they were there (some were in my school and even one in my class), though I hesitated a long time to go cause first thought it would all be sissyboys. My parents accepted me and my bf very good (my dad said he’d always thought. I was like wtf, but he didn’t mean you could see it, but he knew girls thrusted me for going on holiday together and sleeping over without being a couple lol). Coming out was a very big relief, and I’m glad you’re already that far.About that coming out thing, I want to let you know that it actually never stops, but just isn’t a problem anymore. You learn to know new people, a new assistant at work,… so the problem of ‘when do I tell it’ stays, cause my first thought is always; they have to know me like how I am and then I say it, cause then they have no preoccupations, but when I wait too long I feel like a lier. Also sports isn’t the only branche were it’s difficult to come out. Me on my work (I’m a landscaper) meet Construction people and roadworkers all the time, so when they are whistling to every woman and say to you, haha wat an ass she has, you certainly want to try that… I just turn red and smile a bit stupid…(read further in next comment)Kevin
The thing that I’m reading gayblogs and stuff at the time is I’m sort of feeling down. Not because of my coming out of course. I have everything I ever wanted; an own-designed and half selfmade house with big garden (haha gays in Construction lol), a cute, funny and tender boyfriend, nice work, good family and friends… but I’m strugling with one thing: the fact that I’m probably never will have kids. I always loved to play with kids, it’s so funny how they act and it’s fun to learn them something, but as far as I now me nor my bf will ever get pregnant, as much as we try lol. In Belgium it’s alowed to adopt children as a gay couple, but in reality it’s not possible cause country’s abroad don’t want to coöperate. And you can let a woman carry your baby (don’t now the word in English fort hat) by IVF, but that seems stupid for that woman to me, and neither have the money. Then two months ago my bf’s mother died of cancer, and then you realise how important family and children are. My hope was really on adoption, cause it seems to me like a win-win situation, but it’s not gonna happen. Pfft. I wondered what you think about al that, I readed somewhere you too like children.Hey, I saw you like watching movies too, and you did wath Milk. These are my favorite gaymovies (no porn, gay-themed!) about coming out and stuff which gave me a good feeling. Maybe you’ve see some of it? You can easily download them somewhere, I forgot where I did.- Shelter (Aussie movie, particulary love it with the kid in the story)- Summerstorm (about a gay guy in a rowing club)- Get Real (with a gay athlete)- Eating out 1/2/3 (gay comedy – I read you like that – with cute guys!)- C.R.A.Z.Y. (story in the seventies)Wow I see I writed way too much, I better start a blog my own, sorry for using yours! Hope you enjoy reading the story of a bit older an further outed guy, this writing was a bit of a relief for me.Wish you good luck with college, football, everything and maybe a bf? Enjoy your time at college, besides much work and tests it’s the most beautiful time of your life, so don’t bother too much about what others think. And keep blogging!(And sorry for my bad English I’m not a native speaker. I post anonymous because I haven’t any other accounts or so (even got no fb, I know I’m prehistoric), just my email form work… but if you want to let me know something, just post and I’ll read it )Hugs,Kevin
^^ I like this guy, especially the part where he said keep blogging :) can you tell I'm bored? hahah I have to teach classroom stuff again at 8am! fuck...
hey! yea it's good to be back finally! thanks for your comment and keeping tabs on my blog still even though i have been doing a pretty s---ty job updating. i caught up on your posts from the last month or so and glad to see you seem to be doing well, and congrats on finishing another year of school! savor being a student...it goes by quickly and being in the real world definitely sucks compared to the carefree life of a student lol. looking forward to your next update!PS this belgian guy seems pretty cool...agreed?
TB- haha my bad its been so long! but i agree, i like him too!! haha
Kevin- Im really glad you like my blog and can relate to some things. Im super jealous that you're completely out and have a bf (and has sex) lol I know it will take time for me to being completely comfortable with it but Im sure it will be awesome when I do get there. Thats funny about the construction guys whistling at the girls haha Guys on my team are always talking about girls and when we walk by one, they say something but I just laugh or agree lol I feel your pain about the kids situation. I just worked a soccer camp last week and my group was 6 year olds and I absolutely love teaching and being around kids. I just feel like I can help them so much getting better (in that case, it was soccer) but just in general. And I want my own kid (really only a boy lol, dont want to deal with female problems) to teach stuff to. I thought of adoption but it sometimes is hard to be gay and adopt here in the states. And I kind of want a blood related kid if that makes sense. Im sorry to hear about your BFs mother. Thats defiatnly really hard and for me, Im close with my family and have been getting closer since coming out to them. Ya I saw Shelter, Summerstorm, MILK and Role/Play. And some others on Netflix but they werent too good. I would love to check out the others though. Do you know where to watch them? Anywhere online?And again, Im really glad you like my writing! Keep posting or you can email me firstname.lastname@example.org if you want to talk some more. Your english is awesome too! very well written!Thanks for the comment! :)
madmanMD- a lot of being say savor being a student but I cant wait to get out lol it would be different if I was at a different school Im sure but Im locked up at the one im at. and ya, Mr. Belgium is awesome!
thanks for the comments! Glad you liked it :)Though I feel sorry for making it waaaaay too long when I see my comment back... it's like I hijacked your blog lolFeeling much better after writing it down. Made a camping trip with my bf en the whole family this weekend, was fun!I recognise your feeling of being locked up in school, had the same in highschool (catholic and very severe on almost everything)but going to college was a relief. Don't exactly know how this goes in college in US, are the rooms you stay at in college or in the city? Mine was in the city, so could almost do anything I wanted (which I didn't cause I was scared lol).Really aprecciate your answer about kids. Most of the gayguys I know (except my bf) are like: kids are dirty, noisy and irritating, so I'm glad you think about it that way.Before my coming out I hooked up a couple of times with guys through texting on a music-channel. Went well (and was good sex, once in a tent on the beach haha), but didn't seemed the right way to find a longterm relation to me. But for now, I hope you find a cute guy to get what you want (SEX!), enjoy but be careful. And back in school, maybe the tennisguy is waiting for you? ;)Will not make it too long, definitely will send you an email, but first have to make a different account. Keeping in mind your question about the movies.btw, didn't know I was ecclected Mister Belgium, sounds good to me ;)Kevin