I know we are supposed to live life to the fullest and without regrets since we only get one life to live but I honestly would love the chance to do mine over. Not like Im upset with how mine has turned/turning out but I would for sure make some changes to decisions that I have made. I realize now that I could of had a shot to play soccer as a career. I know I wrote yesterday about this, but its stuck on my mind and its really gettin to me. Me and my roomy had a pretty long conversation about this tonight. It sucks kind of more for him cause he had the chance last year to stay in Mexico with a team but instead, decided to come back and play. We both decided that we would have chosen different schools to go to instead of where we are. This place just isnt for us. We both agreed that we would want to do redo our lives as well. Just like little things like training more, or doing extra while we were younger. These things could of added up and helped us a lot. I know its my fault to where I am, but it sucks where I am. I want to be more and not sure if that will happen anymore. Watching the kids I played with on TV playing kills me inside. Their success tears me up. I know it sounds fucked up, but Im competitive and I want to be there! I dont want to fuckin watch it when I could be playing.
I dont know what Im trying to get too. It just what I have been thinking about all night. I stood in the shower for 20 minutes just thinking about this shit. I know their success should motivate me to get to their position, and it does sometimes, but its not enough for me. I just feel like my time is over and I dont have enough youth in me to make it anymore. Only 20 years old and in less than 6 months I will be 21, its old in soccer terms and basically a senior in todays game. If anything happened, it would have to be this summer. Hopefully it does and would be crazy as shit if it does but doubt it. I will just be living with regrets for the rest of my life.