Thursday, October 21, 2010


So here is basically the play by play of how I told my roommate:

I texted him asking if we could talk and he said sure I will come over to your room. I replied Im coming to yours. (we live about 10 yds from each other so its not a big deal of whose room we go to but I wanted to play fifa while I said it but that didn’t happened) but I walk in and I had my hoodie on just cause I felt awkward being that I was going to tell my biggest  secret ever!

He was laying on his bed watching the tv guides channel. And when I walk in,  he asks whats up. Im like nothing really just have to tell you something. My voice was kind of shaky already. He then asks if I got a girl pregnant. I just laughed and said no. I sat down in a chair in his room facing the tv with him behind me. He turned the volume all the way down cause he knew I had something to say. I sat there quiet for a bit and he was like “whats up bud?” and I just kept pausing and like “ummm I have something to tell you but its hard.” I told him to take a guess but he wouldn’t and was like “whatever it is, its gonna be better if you just tell then keeping it in.” I told him im not sure if that’s the truth just in case he reacted differently. I finally said “can I tell you something I have never told anyone else, not my mom, dad, brothers, or sister or sam (my best friend from back home).” He was like of course. By this time I was sweating and started to tear up and kept freezing up to talk. Then one of our roommates walked in without knocking and I was sittin in the chair with a pissed look on my face with a tear coming down my face and he said something and realized it was the best time so he was just backed out and was like sorry lol. But he just kept saying just tell me man. Then I finally got around to saying something like “Im not into girls.” (that part is blurring cause it happened so fast) He waited a couple seconds then said “that’s it?” I was somewhat crying and trying to hold it in cause I felt like girl crying but I was like “ya, its something I have been meaning to tell you for a while now just couldn’t find the best time too.” Then I just sat there while he talked to me and calmed me down. He told me about a story that a family member in Mexico is gay and he was with him walking down the street with him and some people said stuff to him and it pissed him off and he hated that he had to deal with that. And told me that he raised to love everyone and not judge for something small like that. Hearing all that helped me so much and realized this isn’t too bad. After all this there was some akward silence and I asked if we could play fifa and he of course. So we played fifa for about 2 hours without saying a word about what happened.

He really surprised me about how he reacted and how he talked to me after. I had no idea about his family member in Mexico and it was cool that he hates that type of discrimination.

And when I got back to my room after showering, I texted him about what happen and to thank him for being there… (Just copied and pasted it from my messages):

Me: Yo man, besides the fact that you farted and left it in the bathroom for me to smell the whole time I was showering, I love you bro. Thanks for being so understanding. You have no idea how much it means to me. Love you man!! Goodnight kid :)

Me: I feel like such a bitch for crying too. Sorry about that :/

Him: Hahaha I was wondering why you were yellin oh my gosh for… but no need to thank me bud I’m here for you for whatever. It happens don’t feel like a bitch for that, feel like a bitch for missin goals in fifa :)

Me: Thanks bud but fuck you too!! You’re the reason we lost! But whatev, we can tomorrow J night kid

Him: Goodnight kid love you too man don’t hesitate to talk to me about whatever it is again Im here kid

Me: Thanks man love you (kind of homo) haha jk :)

Him: Hahaha your retarded, go to bed before you don’t wake up for accounting again

Me: haha you right, night bud!

I guess I could of left some of the stuff out about the farting and fifa but wanted to put everything in there to show that how he treated me right after didn’t change and we were bros right after. No lie after reading these messages basically made me feel so much better and I haven’t been stressed out since. Its such a cool feeling to know that he knows ALL of me.

Then last night, we stayed up talking until 5:15 when we both had class at 9am. We talked about his relationships and what I have to go through when a girl likes me. He asked “why don’t you just drop them and not talk to them?” and I was like “I had to act interested to keep eyes off of me.” He understood completely and just laughed and was like you just use them for homework and I just smiled lol. But he told me some secrets about past hookups that he has never told anyone else. I was like “so this week all the secrets are coming out” and we both started cracking up. He is completely cool with and I feel like we are closer than before.

Looking back at the result, I just wonder why I didn’t do it earlier lol but I guess that’s how it goes.

Monday, October 18, 2010

one down, millions to go

Well, I like to first start off by saying...I TOLD SOMEONE!!! haha cant believe I can say that now. Feels weird but fucking awesome as well!!

I told my roommate tonight and he was so cool about it. Like I cant even describe how I feel right now. Its amazing!!

I will post soon about what went down and stuff but its getting late and I have a intro Christianity test tomorrow (actually in like 8 hours) then two tests on Tuesday that I havent even started studying for so later peoples! :)

Friday, October 8, 2010

still here

Lately not too much has happened. Im 20 now. Still in school, still playing soccer, and still in the closet. I have been thinking about tell my roommate though. Its on my mind from when I wake up to when I go to bed. I really don’t understand why I am so afraid to tell him. From all the coming out stories I have heard, there hasn’t been any negative reactions. Hearing these things is what causes me to think about it so much. If everyone’s friends accept them for who they are, shouldn’t mine??

Especially with the media attention on the gay community these past couple of weeks, from the “Don’t ask, Don’t Tell” policy, and then the suicides of gay kids, I just feel it would be awkward to come out now. It sucks hearing about kids committing suicide as such a young age due to being bullied. I still don’t get why others care if someone is gay or not. It has no effect on them. They had their whole life to live and now its cut short because of such ignorant people.