Friday, November 25, 2011

It's time

I got chills watching this for some reason. Really hope this is how it is in the future...

Thursday, November 17, 2011

it's not all about sex pt.2

It's not really part 2 but couldn't really think of a catchy title so I opted for that haha...

Well, I dont know where to start so I guess I will say I met up with the blogger again...twice... And both times were better than the previous. We still didn't have sex (even though he wanted too haha) and the times were fantastic. Its awesome just relaxing and being yourself with no worries about having to censor what you say/how you act. Its different than being around a straight friend and Im not sure why. Maybe because the guy likes dick as well so we think similarly or it might be because I like him or it could be both.

This happened last Thursday and Friday. We were at our conference tournament and we were staying in a hotel about 45 minutes from his school. I talked to him about possibly meeting up and it worked out. He came over to my hotel about 9:30 at night cause we had a banquet earlier in the night. I was rooming with my roomy here at school and he also knows. So I told him that I was having a visitor and explained the situation so he was cool with it. The kid was nervous being that he hasnt actually been around people he didnt know that knew about him or even be around people that knew in general. And I was nervous that I was actually introducing a guy to a friend of mine.  But he came up and met my roomy and we just chilled and talked for a while. Watched a movie and eventually I texted 2 other guys that know about me to come meet him. They both knew about the kid because they've seen me texting him and they are always asking questions and stuff about the situation. So they came down and we all just chilled talking about random stuff for about 2 hours. We were supposed to have lights out at 11 but we ended up going to Wafflehouse cause we were pretty hungry. It was so chill with the guys knowing about me actually meet a guy and be around me when Im with another dude. It was defiantly a good feeling and really wish its always like that.

But we got back from Waffle house and headed back to the room. It wasn't expected that the kid was going to stay the night cause  I had a game the next day but he did. And Im super glad he did. That was the first time for me to sleep with a guy and it was defiantly a good feeling and I loved it. Its a feeling that I cant describe but I wish it happened more often than it does. We did some things before fallin a sleep but that wasnt the highlight of the night. Sex or whatever isnt too big for me I guess. I like to cuddle and just lay with the guy. Yeah playing with each other is fun but idk, i like the sense of being with the guy more. (soft or gay i know, but thats how i am haha). So in the morning, I walked him to his car and we did the a goodbye kiss :)

So the next day, we had our game but lost. We stayed the night and were gonna travel back to school in the morning so took the opportunity and invited the kid over again. So he did and this night was just as good. Slept together again and just hung out at night. Talked some more, watched tv, and just chilled. This time was funny cause we fell a sleep without getting off and when we woke up, we were pretty horny and started playing around. I had to be down at breakfast pretty soon but that didn't stop us. And right when I was cumming, my roomy that was supposed to stay with me, was knockin at the door to come in cause he stayed with someone else haha I was like 'oh fuck, we need to hurry' He got off pretty quickly as well then we rushed to the bathroom so we could clean up. I opened the door with cum on my stomach and completely naked but kind of hiding from within the bathroom but luckily my roomy left haha So we showered pretty quickly and then we had to say our goodbyes. We took the elevator down together and did the goodbye kiss. Couldnt walk him out cause my teammates were already down there eating.

Overall it was fuckin awesome to get to chill again with the kid. I really do enjoy the time we spend together and hope it can continue. He said he would come visit me at school but that has yet to happen haha its just we are both pretty busy so it kind of sucks. Hopefully it happens though :)

Wednesday, November 16, 2011

another season down

Well another season is over. We didn't make it into the NCAA tourny which kind of sucks. I really just want to at least to make it to the first round. I guess I got one more season to make it happen which makes me feel extra weird being that I'm about to be a senior! I honestly don't know how I feel about that. On one hand, I want to get the fuck out of school but on the other hand, I like the sense of security I have here. I dont have much to worry about but then again, I kind of want things to worry about.

Just the feeling of being able to provide for myself is gonna be so sick. Getting a job and establishing my life will mean so much to me. I think about this stuff constantly. Where I will live, what I will do for work, what I will be able to feed myself haha, if I will stay in shape (i better!), my future partner, future family, being a uncle and a dad and a great family man. Its all generic stuff that affects how I will live but it all crosses my mind on a daily basis. A lot of times, I kind of want to just fast-forward my life so I can skip past these worries. Or at least somehow get a look at what I will be like in the future. Anyone else feel that way?

Some good news not regarding soccer is that I landed my internship. It defiantly isn't the one I wanted but I guess I have to take what I can get. Its for First Citizens Bank in Raleigh. So this coming summer my plan is to live here and go to work everyday. Its a paid internship which is always a plus and this will defiantly get me the hands-on experience that I want for my major...Other good news regarding soccer haha is that I could be going to England this coming summer. My college team is planning to take a trip there for about 10 days and travel to a couple cities and play exhibition games and train at some pro grounds. It should be so sick if it actually works out. I first need to tell my intern people that too haha

--And a professional soccer player came out the other day. David Testo played a couple seasons in the MLS and then went down a division. He was pretty successful but now kind of in search of a team. Here's the link to check out his story. I recommend it!

Friday, November 4, 2011

Its always a good feeling

I honestly do feel like people take 'the news' better than expected. From how all of my friends have reacted to me telling them, I would NEVER of thought they would be so cool about it all. Just in general how my friends are I guess is why I thought they would take it differently. But yesterday I told another friend from back home. It was kind of random but ive been meaning to tell him for a while, just never got the right feeling to do it. Somehow yesterday I got it.

I sent him a text the night before saying I need to tell him something tomorrow so when he gets time, hit me up. Him being a D1 basketball player, I figured he wouldn't get much time to chat and I had lifting and practice, so I decided to send him a facebook message. This was the first time ive used this method of coming out but it worked out in the end.

Here is what I sent him:
"so i have this thing that I have been meaning to tell you for a while but its just not the easiest thing to do and I just didn't want to tell you in fear of losin a friend... i hope you understand and just know that im not any different than before tellin you this... but im gay :/ ive known for a while but havent told to many people because i didnt want negative reactions and didnt want to lose the group of friends i have. ive told bob, fred, salley, and lucy back in january during christmas break but have been conscious of who else to tell. im not very proud of it but i also dont really want to hide it as much if that makes sense. im not gonna change into a flamer or anything like that but thats just not me... you can ask me anything you want about it and i dont mind talking about it or you can talk to the other homies cause they've asked me a good amount of stuff. i just dont want for things to be awkward or weird and dont want to lose any friends over this small little detail of my life...." (changed the names of course haha)

After I sent the message, I sent him a text saying to check out his fb and he should probs read it alone since it could be a shocker. He replied a couple minutes later saying he replied and to hit him back after I read it. At that point, I just got to lifting and I had practice right after so I was pretty nervous the whole time playing. Right when I got into the lockeroom from training, I checked my fb to see his message. It was awesome to see his response and see that he didn't care. I texted him back saying thanks and I really appreciated what he said.

And this was his reply:
"Man as long as you're happy, I don't give a damn who you are into broham...ain't shit gon change this way! You'll always be my nig lol I appreciate that you think enough of me to allow me to be one of the few you have told tho" and he also sent this text later on... "Yea its nothin for real...I just wanna make sure I don't offend you in any way when we are all chillin ya know?"

So yeah, its always a great feeling when you come out to someone and their response is a good one.

Thursday, November 3, 2011

thoughts about pride

Last night I was doing my normal channel flipping when I turned on my TV. First I go to Espn, Espn2, fox southwest, then VH1 and MTV. Its just a habit I guess cause those are really the only channels I watch. But last night as I got to MTV, I saw a pride flag so without hesitation, I stopped. I tend to find myself watching or reading anything and everything that involves a gay issue. It interests me for some reason. I think its cause its the curiosity I have toward the gay community but im not sure...

Anyways, on MTV was Real World San Diego. Its the new season I guess and this was the first episode I've seen but this show was about the Pride parade they went to. One of the cast members is a lesbian (she's mad cool) and another cast member is either gay or bi (not too sure). But the gay guy had a friend with him the whole time. They made a good couple and were always kissing and doing little things that really made me happy for some reason. It was awesome to see this guy who never experienced stuff like this get to be free and not worry what others thought. The gay cast member said he never has done stuff with a guy in public but at the Pride parade, he was all over his friend. It was cute. It was like a painted picture of what I want.

I've actually never been a huge fan of the Pride parade. I think its too over the top and pretty unnecessary but I've slowly started to accept it. Its awesome to see so many people come together and support the cause. Gay and straight both were out there having a blast. Pride parades aren't about the guys wearing speedos and showing how 'gay' they can be but rather to show that love is important in no matter what form. Being straight and loving your wife/husband is the same as being gay and loving your wife/husband. This recognition of love and equality is defiantly turning for the better and its awesome to be part of the history of it.

One thing during the show that kind of got to me was the cast-mates roomys. I wish I remembered the names cause it would make this description easier haha but the lesbian and gay guy's cast-mates had to come work at some booth during the parade. There was 2 (one guy and one girl) in particular that weren't very fond of the whole idea of the parade or even the gay community. They both just sat in the booth with blank stares the whole time. Both were so uncomfortable and just made it awkward I felt. The guy said he didn't really approve of the gay thing and was just very closed-minded. The girl started to open up as the show went on which was cool. But these things just dont make sense. Why do people care so much of who likes who or who sleeps with who when it doesn't concern/involve them at all. People should just mind their own business and not worry what others are doing.

ps- thanks for all the comments on the last post! really surprised me how many people actually read it! haha