Sunday, June 24, 2012

Question #6

back with another question that i would like to get some feedback with. (even my second post of the day)...

So the question is... What is the age difference between a guy you would be willing to talk to regarding him being older or younger?

I've heard age is just a number but the whole number thing still effects how i see someone and how appropriate it would be for me to date/sleep with the guy. I tend to find older guys sexy and their look just seems more manly than a younger guy but I still dont think I could date a 35 year old something guy like that. it would be way to weird for me in public and just knowing the views of my friends/family wouldn't think it was right.

I went on two dates with this one guy and he was decent. Good looking, very smart, and nice but he was 25. Me having an older brother who is 26 and an older sister who is 24, it just seemed weird mentally for me to think about dating this guy. (not every guy im gonna date, ill end up marrying but still.) Even with ECCC, it felt weird even though we were only 3 years apart. It would be awesome to find a guy who is a year older or a year younger, maybe 2 but i just feel like anything more than that is stretching it.

These are just my views but i just wanted some opinions from others... so im all ears! haha

drake concert

so this past Wednesday I went to the Drake concert here in Raleigh and it was fuckin sick. he is my favorite rapper and has been for a while. he's humble, intelligent, a thug (some might disagree since he played a character in DeGrassi haha), and his lyrics are very chill. also at the concert was J.Cole, 2 Chainz, and Meek Mill. All of them absolutely killed it and the crowd was going crazy.

It was a decent crowd and since it was super hot out, a lot of the guys were shirtless which of course I didnt mind. the guys here in NC tend to be very fratty. Not a bad style but they all dress the same and have the same haircuts which is kind of weird i think. very conformal...also i was literally in the middle of a fight between these two girls that was so sick. it was crazy and i got pushed a couple times by the surrounding people but it was just mad funny watch this girl the slap these other two girls right across the face then pounce on top of her to take her to the ground. for sure the closest ive ever been to a fight.

well i have videos i was gonna put on here but they aren't working and really, the sound is shit since the bass was so intense at the concert so no worries then.

not video but decent sound quality...this is one my favorite songs by Drake too

same song but from another view. this is towards the back of the arena so you can see how many people were there. it was pretty dope

No Lie by 2 Chainz and Drake... this isn't my video but found it on youtube and this is actually really close to where i was sitting. i have a video but you cant hear anything from it

Sunday, June 17, 2012


So last weekend I was in Nashville for my older brothers wedding. It was a great time. Seeing family I haven't seen since I was like 10 and meeting family I've never met before was awesome. (i've got some goodlooking relatives I didn't know about ) And then to see my immediate family is always a blast. With my relatives, I got the typical questions like: do I have a girlfriend, when will I get a girlfriend, have I been seeing someone, you should come up to where I live so we can go to the bars and pick up girls (the usual). Clearly Im not out to them and they have no idea. No one outside my immediate family knows and not sure if they ever will.

The night before the wedding, we did like a watered-down bachelor party since my brother couldnt do one prior to the wedding due to work. So we went downtown and had a blast. My brother might of had too much fun cause the next morning, his head was in the toilet for a good four hours. He felt like shit and regretted going out the night before. But in the end, he cleaned up and we made it on time to do pictures.

Seeing my brother up there and my new sister was a crazy feeling. Honestly, I couldnt believe he was getting married. I feel like we are still so young even though he is 26 and has been dating his wife for 6 years now (long I know and they knew as well lol). I got teary eyed when they were doing their vows and my brother even started tearing up. Im not much of an emotional guy but seeing such powerful things being said between two people really hits the heart hard. I cant be any happier for the two of them and I absolutely love his wife. She is so chill and super nice and cant wait for them to have a kid so I can be the cool uncle and spoil the kid (better be a boy though).

But as this relates to what I was thinking, I really want to feel those feelings like they have for another guy. I want to be able to bring him home to the family and have him meet my brothers and sisters and have him feel the love of my family. I want to love another guy to where I cant see myself with anyone else. As for the whole wedding thing, i dont know if it would be a huge celebration or just a quiet thing between the two of us, I guess that will be decided if I ever meet someone but I just want to experience that 'love' feeling. Sounds cheesy and corny I know but I feel like being gay makes it that more lonely and harder to deal with this type of thing. Especially since I'm still considered 'straight' to more than 9/10 of the people I know. Finding someone like me and in the same situation makes it so much fuckin harder.

When I go out back at school, the guys that know will point out the gay guys (the obvious ones with the lisp and odd body actions...not that i have anything against them, just not my type) and tell me I should talk to them or hook up with them. Well those clearly aren't my type of guys. It gets annoying when they do this cause they dont understand how easy they have it if they feel like finding a girl. The guys Im attracted to are ones you would never expect. After knowing them years and you wouldn't suspect a thing are the guys I would love to find and talk to. Having such a disguise makes it hard for another gay guy to find them. ( I guess I could be missing opportunities since Im not out and potentially another gay guy could be at my school and doesnt know about me so kind of a sticky situation) It just sucks it what Im trying to say. I would love to have a relationship and be able to talk with the guy about anything and everything. I know the chances are pretty slim about this and probs gonna be awhile as well. I feel like I'm recognizing this even more since this internship. I workout, go to work, play soccer, and repeat. Same shit every day and not a guy to just talk to.

I did want to start possibly trying to date but this leaves me up to online sites. Im kind of on the fence about them. I guess its the only way for me to potentially find someone due to my situation but I think it would be way sick to find a guy in person through common interests. Last night I did go out and get drinks with a guy from a (dating) site. And Ive tried all types of sites but none of them really live up to the expectations that I would have for them. But the guy I met up with last night was fun. We only chatted for maybe two days online then since we both had nothing going on yesterday decided to get drinks. He showed me around downtown which was nice. Hung out for like 5 hours just talking over drinks. It was good conversation and not to many awkward silences which was good. He isn't the athletic type I've always wanted but he is the smart guy which is nice. He did offer for me to go back to his place since he lived 10 minutes away and I was 30 but I declined and went home alone. Thought about it the whole way home and wasnt sure if I made the right choice. I didnt plan on sleeping or doing anything with him but just thinking about being able to law with a guy stayed on my mind for a while. Not sure where its gonna go but i dont know I might see him again.

well just another random post that probably doesnt make sense but main point is, i want a relationship. with a gay guy who seems straight. haha

Wednesday, June 6, 2012

work, travel, and shit-updated with pics

updated it with some pics i took during my trips (they are at the bottom)...

things have for sure been pretty busy and will continue to stay busy since i just signed up for 2 soccer leagues to play in over the summer. One being an indoor league on Tuesday night (played last night and scored 5 of our 11 goals) and then the next starts Monday and will be played on Monday and Wednesday nights. Pretty stoked about it

Work has been okay. Just intern stuff. Some days I literally surf the web reading random news articles. yahoo and aol have been keeping me busy when i dont have shit to do. this past week Ive actually been learning someones desk cause the lady is taking vacation next week and im going to be doing her job. should be pretty fun and at least i'll be busy for the majority of the day.

The past couple of weekends have been pretty solid though. This past weekend I was at the beach. My friend from school has an internship and has a condo right on the beach for the summer. The drive is only 2 and a half hours so Ill def be going there almost every weekend haha I need to get some sun cause im real white! Over the weekend, I got pretty toasted though and now Im paying for it. The sunburn is was really bad since I didnt wear lotion which was an awful idea.

The weekend before the beach, I drove to DC. My brother was working up there and I also have a teammate that lives 20 from downtown so it worked out perfectly. I stayed with my friend F/S/S and on Friday night when we got there, we went to go play futsal (soccer on a basketball court) at like 11 at night at Kevin Durants highschool gym. It was pretty cool with the banners and pics of him there. The futsal was awesome as well. Then Saturday we walked around the Georgetown area which was awesome! I would love to live there after college. Very youthful and vibrant city. The shops around the city were mad cool then the river with the outdoor stuff was nice. There were so many people out running and on the river and sooo many goodlooking people! Saw some pretty decent guys running which was nice haha it was funny to cause my friend knows about me and would comment on them too with me. Then Sunday we walked around downtown DC and went to all the monuments and a couple museums. Since it was Memorial Day weekend, there were so many vets which was cool seeing them and just thinking about what they have done for us was humbling. I appreciate the servicemen so much. We went to the Spy museum but it was $20 to get in so we decided not to go but then went to the gift shop which where the exit was to the museum, so we waited for the security guard to leave then snuck in that way haha it was pretty cool and our hearts were racing from doing that.

Then I left Monday morning cause my mom flew to NC to see me and my brother was working again in the city so me and her hung out all day and did some shopping. She hooked me up with a few things then I took her to Ruth's Chris for dinner. I love that place and was my second time going with her. I told the people it was her birthday (its in november) but they put rose petals on the table and gave her a chocolate cake thing at the end of dinner. She loved it all and i paid since I got my first BIG paycheck the previous Friday (and this is why Im her favorite haha)

Thats about it really. Leaving tomorrow to go to Nashville because my older brother is getting married! Pretty excited about it and cant wait to see my fam and extended family members. Im sure it will be a good ass time.

-ps- watched Weekend on netflix (recommended by closet med in his blog) and it was such a fuckin good movie! im probs gonna watch it again next week. real good story and good portrayal of characters. i recommend for sure! ...also funny/awesome story since i use my best friends netflix account (basketball player friend), i asked him who else uses his account and he said a couple of friends and told him why I asked and stuff since i wanted to watch a gay movie, and he replied "to be honest i dont know who does, but you can watch it if you want to!" seeing that felt pretty good though

 the White House

 the reflecting pool with no reflection...they were redoing it because of a leak

 at the dinosaur exhibition in the Smithsonian

 Georgetown reminded me of Hogwarts

 the view form my friends balcony

 private beach chillin

 taken at night when me and my friend sat outside talking for like 2 hours

 leaving the island

 my friends puppy. the thing was fuckin doppee haha

 the steak at Ruth's Chris. it was amazing.