Saturday, August 20, 2011

start of junior year

Well school is back in session and I made it through preseason alive. It really wasn't nearly as hard as it has been the past two years. Im sure the training prior to returning to school or playing soccer all summer had something to do with it being easier. I did pretty well on my fitness tests and our squad is looking pretty solid for this year.

Last weekend, we had our first scrimmage game. It was a road trip for us that was supposed to take only 6 hours... it didn't. Our bus broke down on the side of the highway for 8 HOURS!! It was ridiculous! We were 2 hours away from our hotel when the bus just suddenly like shutdown. So the driver pulled over and tried to get it to start again but nothing. We ending up gettin a bus from Raleigh to come pick us up which was 4 hours away but they didn't leave at the time they said they would so it took fuckin forever. We even ordered pizza and had it delivered to us lol That was pretty funny I thought. I feel like thats not allowed but Im glad the place did it for us. We ended up talking, listening to music, and playing games to pass the time.  Luckily we made it back without breakin down haha

This semester for school should be pretty difficult. I'm taking 3 classes for my major and they are on a 7-point grading scale instead of a 10-point one. So that sucks but I'm only taking 15 hours which shouldn't be too bad (hopefully). I have a couple of good looking guys in my class but none that give off any gayish vibes lol

So a couple of a posts ago I mentioned that I told my teammate that knows about my hookups on craigslist, he searched the sites and we talked about it. He said the m4m section was hilarious lol and that in the m4w section, one ad said "im donating babies, hit me up" hahahahah I started crackin up when he told me this stuff. He also searched for the area around school for girls but nothing local lol The funny thing was, we were talkin about this in our lockerroom showers. There wasn't any other guys from the team in there but still, pretty funny he brought it up there.

I'm thinking about tellin some guys from the team about the lil secret as well. Just debating when/how/ or if i should. I kind of want to tell our third roomy but just havent had time to bring it up. I dont know, I really want to be done with all this shit about coming out. Or just not have to do it. I'm just getting to the point of where its on my mind again all the time and it pisses me off.

Thats about it, later world.


  1. If you're that worried about it, Tell the ones you feel you owe the explanation to and just live your life thereafter. They'll figure it out. If you act like it doesn't matter, they'll act the same way. And let's face it, it doesn't matter, you're still the same kid.

  2. just do what feels right. if you feel like its right to tell them, then do it, if not then don't. don't force it you know. btw, your friend brought it up in the shower..sounds like he might be interested lol

    p.s. we should really chat online sometime, i've been reading your blog for sometime now

  3. Socrkid: Good luck with school and soccer this year.

  4. Hey, what about us? We want to hear more about these hookups on CL!!

    I'm sure you know who this is...the CL king!

  5. Hey Socrkid,

    Some unsolicited advice from a guy in his mid 40s: You're only 20-something once. I know it feels awkward, but once you finally come out, you will regret all of those years that you were in the closet. It sounds like you are starting to come out. Good for you! Like I said -- you are only 20-something once. You should be looking for a relationship, not screwing around in the M4M section of Craigslist.

    Good luck in the coming school year!


  6. Good luck. Don't get upset over your decisions. Unfortunately you were presented a tough situation. Try to be a little patient with yourself and be happy!!!

  7. I have to say you have a really great friend! You’re lucky :)

    From my own experience, when something is constantly on your mind and distracts your thinking it means that you want to/have to tell someone what’s going on.
    Until you do it will not disappear. It’s always a good thing to lighten your heart.. And from your perspective: you’re a junior now- your teammates know you and the freshmen respect you ;)


  8. hey I hope it's a great school year. have some fun and good luck with the season.
    later, dan

  9. Some comments and some questions: 1. I never heard of a 7 point vs. 10 point grading scale. Granted I haven't taken a college class for decades, but I'm a teacher and totally unfamiliar with this. What is it and what is the difference? 2. Speaking of College, I too took a Brit Lit class 36 years ago. It comes in useful when watching "Jeopardy!" and the subject category is Brit Lit, then after the answer is given you go "I've heard of him." 3. How can you practice or play soccer in 115 degree temperatures in Texas? Isn't that unhealthy or dangerous? In Wisconsin when it gets above 90 degrees it seems like a heat wave, and all sorts of modifications like water breaks, shortened games, and early morning and evening practices occur. I understand your strength and endurance got better, but how did you survive? 4. I think RJ, Robert, and Louise are all on the right track. I know many gay men of all ages, and to be honest, I know some of the older guys who post on Craig's List looking for younger guys and it creeps me out. Don't ask me why, but I have a feeling there is enough diversity on your campus you're going to find someone who shares your journey. You are SO far ahead in being yourself at 20 than I ever was and you have earned my respect for that reason. 5. So after the bus adventure, how did the scrimmage go? (I don't know if you have a Jimmy John's Sub shop in your area, but they have a "freaky fast" ad about delivery in a traffic jam, which is what I'm picturing with the pizza delivery to your bus.)
    Have a great week in all areas of your college life: academically, athletically, and socially!

  10. Never thought of asking some help from your roomie-who-knows for coming out to the team? I 'm not thinking of letting him spread the 'news' because it can be awkward for friends not hearing 'it' from yourself, and it may look like you don't want to talk about it to them. But you can ask him to give you an assist (soccerly speaking ;) )Like saying something that eases it to bring it up for you. Like him saying 'whatsup bout seeing cuties, any bf-material?' or something like that. It has many pro's bringing it up like by the way. First it shows your roomie knows already bout you and second he doesn't mind after all! That will create a good atmosphere for your teammates to drop their cool and talk bout some things...
    I do it like that all the time meeting new people. Without the 'assist', but I tell something like 'Last time on holiday my bf said...', and then you see them think 'aha', but there's never that awkward moment like when telling "I'm gay". That's always so artificial and awkward for both yourself and the people talking to, and after seven years I still can't say that sentence...
    Take care and go for it, you'll enjoy college that much better!

  11. RJ- you are correct and i dont think im gonna tell the whole team, just a couple more guys probs, just not sure when or who lol

    discreet bi- haha ya i thought it was funny he brought it up then but he's straight for sure lol and ya, hit me up on my email:

    FoC- thanks buddy :)

    Anony (CL King)- hahahaha ya im pretty sure who i know it is but idk, i might write about it, might not :) hahah

    Robert- I know, I've heard that many of times but Im not sure if im ready to be fully out, i like still not being the talk of the school right now lol if i came out, im sure every athlete would know and Im not sure if I want that

    Drew- Thanks man! ya i know and i remind myself that alot! i got a shit ton of things to be thankful for in which i am so its all good

    Louise- thats exactly how it is with me. if Im thinking about it, i have to tell someone in order to stop thinking about it. and if i dont, im just constantly stressing it. thats the point i got to in order to tell someone

    Dan- thanks man! :)

    Anonymous- haha Im not sure taking brit lit is worth me knowing the answer to jeopardy especially since i dont watch it lol but ya practicing in that heat sucks, its bad but i guess its normal in texas so they dont care haha. the 7 point scale is like 100-93 is an A, 92-85 is a B, and so on. so it shortens the space to where i can get a low B if you understand that. but ya, im glad im starting to come out, it feels good to tell people!

    Kevin- ya I know what you mean, I personally want to tell people and dont want others to tell others for me. im getting pretty good at tellin people anyways. and ya, saying that sentence is pretty hard but its for sure gettin easier! :)