The struggles of being a closeted college kid is that I feel like I'm missing out on my college experience. I'm not saying I want to go out and hook up with every guy that is in sight, but I want to try things. I'm very inexperienced when it comes to sex: with both genders. In high school I hooked up with a few girls just to say I did and fit in but it didn't feel right. I wasn't satisfied and felt weird doing it. I didn't do much with them but I knew it wasn't for me.
Here at school, when we go out, I just talk to girls. I wont take the chance of trying to hook up with a guy here. It sucks too because its hard when a girl is throwing herself at me and my teammates are telling me to "smash that," there isn't much I can do. I just say not tonight or I'm not in the mood. Then I have to deal with the guys calling me a pussy and stuff, but its whatever, it gets old. I guess I bring it upon myself since I talk to the girls as well. I do that to try to show interest and lead them on then I just cut it off. I think its funny but the guys on my team don't.
And... the thing that really keeps me from coming out, is that I have a family member that attends school with me. I wouldn't want them to get ridiculed or anything for my "problem." I don't think it would happen, but I don't want to take that risk. Its just hard not being able to be my true self. Its a big lie that I live with and seems it will continue for a while.
4 days ago