Thursday, April 22, 2010


Why is so hard to be true myself and everyone else around me?

I have to lie constantly to cover up for my "dark secret." It shouldn't be something to hide either. My friends don't hide that they like women. Why should I have to hide that the like men? It doesn't make sense to be looked down upon or be made fun of by others based on sexual preferences. Even if I did come out, I wouldn't go running around my college screaming "I'm gay!" I wouldn't tell anyone without them asking about me.

I wonder how long it will be until being gay is just another thing. No big deal is made about it and people don't look at you weird. Im not sure if it will happen in my lifetime but I hope it does. People should be treated equally and not be hated on because of what sex they like.

Living a lie is a hard thing to deal with. I think about it everyday what it would be like if people knew about me. "How would my family treat me" or "how would my friends treat me" are the two questions that keep me from coming out. I don't want to be the outsider in my family or friends.

It would be awesome if nothing changed at all and no one cared about it. But I don't know if that could happen...


  1. Um, what sucks? School, life, being in the closet, something else?

  2. I clicked post before I wrote anything lol

  3. Everyone that I've talked to about this has struggled with the same fears. I even tried to distance myself from my family for a few years, telling myself that they're not so important, I can live without them if they reject me once I come out. It didn't work, and they didn't reject me. Only afterward did my mom point out all the gays and lesbians in the family. The adults all knew, it was just never talked about. Thanks a lot for that, mom. It would have made it much easier if I had known.

    I won't tell you to come out, because that is a decision that each person has to make. Most people start out telling one friend. It does get easier, somewhat, the more you do it. I would say that most college aged people don't care so much, but with athletes and at a religious school that might be different, idk. You can email me at greenandpurplelizard@gmail if you want to talk outside the blog.

  4. Fortunately for me I never really had to "come out". I was always out and didn't even realize it. When I official told my parents (after living with my boyfriend for 3 years) they were like "what ??? You don't think we didn't already know that". So come out or don't come out. Just be yourself because it's no one elses business and I never lost even one single friend because I am gay.

  5. Green: I have heard that too from some other people how parents know. I dont think my family would reject me but may be a little different. And I was thinking about telling my two best friends first as well. It would be hard to tell my team though. Not sure if I would be able to handle doing that after hearing all the negativity about gays in the locker room. Thanks for all the help and advice too!!

    Scott: I agree, it shouldnt be anyone elses business but I think it would be after seeming so hetero to all my friends and family. I am myself, its just that I dont date anyone or have hook ups. If I did come out, I would be the same person and wouldnt act any differently. I think my friends would act differently though

  6. Well I guess you would really know who your friends are if they acted differently towards you.

    On a different note .... Crazy about Mickey and now what happened to Bi Sportz Dude? His blog is gone now too ?????

  7. socrkid17, i know this is my first time posting but its also my first time reading back on your blog this far. To give you a little background im from wyoming and come from a very conservative family. I always thought the same thing "what would my friends and family think about me?" until recently when i just sacked up and told them. I was tired of caring about what they would think. Honestly i feel so relieved and so much better about the situation. It reminds me of a quote you used recently "the ones who matter dont mind".

  8. Andrew-Thats awesome man! I have thought about doing that also but there is just something holding me back. I think its the fear that holds everyone from coming out. Hopefully I will be able to sack up and so the same.