Tuesday, April 20, 2010

how it is

Yesterday was such a stressful day. I had to finish my final english paper that could determine my grade. Its all good though because I got help from my friend again lol. I didn't get to bed until 3 but I got it done. Then I had to wake up at 6 for a practice that was fitness. This didn't make sense either since we have our last spring game tomorrow but thats what soccer is...

Today I'm going to the driving range with some buddies from the team to hit some balls. Like I said the other day, I'm hooked on golf again. If soccer doesn't work out, might have to sign up for the Masters haha.

There really isn't much to talk about these days. I had a solid week of posting but now its starting to slow down. It is weird though since I started this blog, I have had more conversations about people being gay. It seems like its talked about every other day now. I might be paranoid but I keep hearing it. Like today at breakfast with my team: some kid walked by who looked gay. (Kids these day can judge by how they walk and how they dress). But the kid walked by and my teammate asked if he was gay. Then someone said "probably, look at the fag walk." The other kid responded by saying thats gross and disgusting. These are the conversations that keep myself from coming out. It sucks hearing these especially from kids that would have to deal with it if I did come out.

Here are some lyrics are from my favorite song at the moment:
"I've got some issues that nobody can see
And all of these emotions are pouring out of me
I bring them to the light for you
It's only right
This is the soundtrack to my life, the soundtrack to my life"
-Kid CuDi

here is the link to the song...

(not sure how to work the links too well yet)

-Wish it was these easy to tell people how I feel but its just how it is...


  1. It's never easy to tell people how it is or to be your true self... Most people feel more comfortable sitting around, putting on a mask and being who others want you to be... The true heros and the true brave people are those that take that mask off and be who they truly are, inside and out.

    Good luck with your finals, i'm in the same situation.. In two weeks our finals start, but I'm doing final research papers, which suck! I hate having to write 20 page papers (multiples)!

  2. When the second person at your table commented that it was "gross and disgusting", did he mean the way the person was walking, or that the first person's comment was gross? It could have gone either way from your description.

    You're probably more aware of gays being mentioned in conversation now. Maybe your blog is another step in your coming out process, so you're more aware rather than ignoring or repressing things that were there before.

  3. Jeffery: Thats exactly how it is. Im not really acting differently, Im just not pursuing people I would want to be with. And good luck to you on your finals and papers. Im glad I dont have to do that much :/

    Green: I think he meant its gross that he is gay and the stuff he does with a guy. It just sucks because he would probably think the same about me if I came out