Monday, January 10, 2011

now who to tell?

Apologizing in advance if this is hard to understand. I kind of fucked up from the start of the blog by not naming my friends so its easier to understand and by not doing tags but whateva haha...and this is a really long post about coming out to my other friends.

So I just about told everyone I want too. There are two people that dont know who I will tell soon. My older brother and my dad. I originally just wanted my mom to tell my dad but I mean she obviously doesnt want to or idk so I think I will. And that will happen within the day or two since I leave to go back to school (fuckin pissed i have to go back). Then I think I might shoot my brother an email explaining the situation (the email thing worked so much better and a lot less stressful as well than telling face-to-face).

But anyways, I'm up to a total of 7 people knowing which is fine with me. No lie its sooooo much less stressful thinking about it. Like a HUGE weight has been lifted off of my shoulders. I really hope this continues with me back to school when Im around people that dont know though.

(I will just name my friends now and that might make this a lil less confusing)...So my friend I told first, Sam, the basketball player in Utah was cool with it. I emailed him and was fine with it. Then Friday, I told Sara face-to-face and she was pretty shocked. This was somewhat difficult because I texted her that day saying I needed to tell her something. I didnt know that she was with Joe (other best guy friend who plays football) when I texted her. So she called me like freaking out, asking me whats wrong and when am I going to her house to tell her. Then like a minute later, Joe called me from her phone asking whats wrong and just tell them now. So I just told him that he was going to find out later as well so just relax and I would be over there soon. I went to Sara's house and right when I get there, they were questioning me and asking what the thing was. I avoided it and said I will tell them in a bit because there was no way I was gonna tell both of them at the same time. Wayyy to awkward and difficult for me. Eventually Joe left because he had to go to his sisters basketball game so I called Sara out to her porch to tell her. I told her to try and guess but she had no idea and was saying random stuff like I had cancer, terminally ill, moving, something happened to my parents, she had no idea. I eventually told her and I actually said "I'm gay." (first time for me to say it to someone) So she obviously was shocked and surprised but she was like "thats it, I'm defiantly glad that it wasnt anything I was guessing." I laughed and just talked to her for a bit about it and she was cool with it. We were interrupted by her little brother so didnt get to talk too much about it. She sent me a text that night saying:
"Hey, I'm sorry we never got the chance to talk more yesterday, and I don't want you to think Im just going to pretend like you didnt tell me something important. I also want you to know that you're my best friend and Im so glad you decided to tell me, it must have been very hard but I would never judge you or think differently of you. I actually feel closer to you and Im here for you to talk about anything."
It was awesome reading that and I felt so relieved to see that she doesnt care at all.

Also that night, I sent Joe an email about the situation. I kind of used the one I sent Sam as a template but I changed most of it cause I didnt want them talking and thinking they got a mass email lol But in the morning he sent me a text saying:
"Not gonna lie, your email was a big shocker. But we have been friends since way back when so you know we still cool. Nothing changes, we all still act the same n stuff."
I just texted back saying thanks and everything and sorry for the way I told him but he understood and said face-to-face would of been awkward haha.

After telling both of them, we hung out Saturday and watched a movie, just chilled. I kind of felt awkward because I could tell that they wanted to say something but wasnt sure if I was cool with it. And we were around others so I guess we couldnt of talked about it but idk, it was just a weird feeling. So last night, I sent Sam a text just saying I told Sara and Joe and that he could talk to them about it or me just if he needs too cause I didnt talk to him too much in detail. Then he was on facebook so I chatted him and just wanted to talk to him and tell him if he had any questions he could ask. Soooo he started asking questions like how long I've know, how do I know, if I'm talking to anyone,  if I've done stuff with guys (lied to him :/), what kind of guys Im into (thought that one was funny), just questions like that. I was answering them and I told him that Im glad he is asking me this stuff cause its better just to be honest about it so its less awkward. Then he tells me that he is actually on a 3-way phone call with Sara and Joe hahahahaha First, who still does 3-way calling lol and second, thanks for telling me! haha I started laughing when I read that but it was cool. They were asking the questions through Sam and then he would read my responses to them. It was funny but I was super glad they were talking about it and stuff. I just really dont want it to be awkward when Sam comes home for summer or when Im around my friends. Thats why I would rather them just ask whats on their minds. I sent all three of them this text last night right before I was going to bed:
"So I guess I was left out of the 3-way calling cause Im gay but I dont mind :/ jk but forreal, if yall want to ask me anything you can. I dont mind at all. I knows its probably awkward talking about it but I just dont want it to be a huge deal. I personally dont want to bring it up just cause Im just not sure if yall want to talk about it. I know it was a huge shock to hear and I know its gonna take time for it to be normal or whatever but I really do appreciate yall sticking by me. Love yall and if you need anything, Im ther for yall."

So they have been COMPLETELY cool about it which makes me feel awesome. I love my friends so much!

So tonight was Sara's last night before she goes back to school. I went over there just to chill and our other good friend, Ashley was coming over too. I got there first and I asked Sara if I should tell Ashley tonight, she said yes so I decided too lol I was going to tell her before I left but didnt plan on it tonight. But Ashley showed up and it was us 3 in Sara's room just hanging out, facebook'in, twitter'in, youtube'in, and itune'in (made all 4 of them verbs! lol) and sara left real quick to go downstairs. I was like Ashely, "you want to know a secret? can you keep one?" She said of yes of course then Sara walked in and I was like, "Im just about to tell Ashley the secret." She smiled and got all happy and I was nervous now and froze a lil. Ashely started freaking out. And I just was like, Im gay. It was priceless her face. She looked like a person who just got punked. Like smiling, but questioning it and confused. It was funny. Sara was smiling and shaking her head. And Ashley was like "forreal?" I shook my head yes and she was like "thats good!!" ahahahaha we all just started laughing. But it was funny and she for sure had the best reaction so far. She was happy and thought it was really cool. So we talked and they asked some questions and it was awesome. Then now she was just fb chatting me saying that she will always love me and that she is happy for me and she is there if I need to talk.

I seriously couldnt have better friends. I LOVE them SOOOOO much. I honestly cant even believe I have told them. Those are just like my 4 people I hang with everyday when Im home. My mom was saying that Im a part time resident at my house just cause Im with these friends all the time. Probs over summer I will tell my other good friends but that will have to wait. Im content with where Im at now. :)

So thats how I told my crew! haha I will have to update on my mom situation :/ things are somewhat shaky there but I head back to school tomorrow or tuesday, just depending on the weather cause its a freak winter storm right now in texas.

ps-congrats if you read all that and understood it, didnt read over it cause its really late and im tired. so night everyone :)

pss-I changed how my songs are. Im thinking I will try to update a new 5 every now and then just so its fresh and new music.


  1. I'm glad they're cool about it. Finally, you've got no secrets to keep from your friends.

    I haven't told my parents and my close friends yet. Hopefully, they will accept me just like your friends. :)

    Have a great day!


  2. James- Ya its a good feeling to not have to hide anything. But im sure they will be cool with it once you decide to tell them. We tend to think of the worse case scenario when telling people but it typically goes 100% better!! Just do it when you are ready

  3. Hey man, well done. Great that you have started your new journey of truth. If you don't mind I have included a link to the story on my blog under "Coming out Stories" and will also add it to my Gay Durban facebook page.. sure to help other guys in the same situation.


  4. Someone's on a roll...haha. Congrats bud!

  5. I'm glad to see you are discovering the more entertaining side of coming out haha.


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  7. Hey, I would've preferred e-mailing this but I couldn't find an e-mail address to send it to. I am a college senior at pretty well-known university up north and am closeted. I admire your courage so much and look forward everyday to seeing an update in my blog reader from your blog. Thanks for being an inspiration and know that you have the support of someone out here going through very similar struggles! E-mail me if you have any questions or just want to chat ( is my closet e-mail. it's an old account that i rarely use anymore but i don't want to post my real e-mail on here).

  8. Congrats on telling your friends. It makes life so much easier when people know. it sounds like they really love you and accept you no matter what. And i totally understood what you were saying...LOL

  9. Socrkid: I'm sure you appreciate that your friends have made this easy, almost uneventful, by the way they have accepted you. It says a lot about you that your friends have your back now that you can actually say those two words "I'm gay" and not feel so strange. There's no turning back now.

  10. Oh boy, this is by far the best post EVER! Congratulations man, its all down hill from here!

  11. It seems that you have really awesome friends. I can't even picture myself writing an e-mail or telling them in person, I just don't think I'm ready yet and I don't even know when that would be. Anyway, congratulations man. A constant reader from Mexico here. Greetings.

  12. kkkkk
    I read the entire post! congrats (for U) ..
    its really great this moment.. you are already using the situation to talk about it, like with Ashley... it will happen more often, now its with the person you trust... but soon with people you feel just confortable .. dont plan.. just let it happen!

    Got a secret Can you keep it? Swear this one you'll save! >> now you'll see that is a lot easier to hookup

    i'm sure that your blog is helping a lot of guys, because it really helped me! thank U!

  13. Hotbodz- Thanks man! and no problem. I hope my story here helps others who struggle with the same problem.

    RJ- haha I mean Im trying lol not sure if it will continue while at school though haha Thanks man!


    Jon- It feels awesome to come out to my closest friends! And its funny seeing the reactions haha

    Anonymous- Thanks dude! that means a lot to me and hopefully this stuff is helping others. Just know you're not alone with these stuff either

    chris-Thanks man! it really does make life so much easier and so much less stressful. And glad you were able to understand it. It was just a free flow of thoughts at the time lol

    FoC-I really appreciate my friends have told men and how they have supported me. it couldnt of gone any better! and you are right, no turning back now haha

    Average- hahahaha not sure if its that good lol but thanks man!!

    Erick-Thanks man! and just know that its on your time. dont rush it. you will know when you are ready. it took me months to know when i was ready to tell them, im really glad i decided to tell them though

    oeduzinhu- haha thanks man! not too sure if it will be easier to hookup, i wish it would be though lol its hard findin other semi-closested guys! and Im glad it has helped you! means alot to me to hear that

  14. cash- indeed it is...unlike the game last night :/ and i was goin for oregon as well

  15. I'm glad it worked out so well with your friends. They sound like a wonderful bunch. I'm a new reader here, but I'd suggest telling your Dad in person at some time that feels reasonably good to you. I'm sure you'll feel a little awkward, but I think he'll appreciate it better than if you use the e-mail route. Just a thought. Good luck however you approach it.

  16. Zephy- Thanks man but i know what you mean face to face would be better and i was planning on telling him but i left to school without seeing him and now i wont see him for a couple of months. I really just want to get it over with too :/