now who to tell?

Apologizing in advance if this is hard to understand. I kind of fucked up from the start of the blog by not naming my friends so its easier to understand and by not doing tags but whateva haha...and this is a really long post about coming out to my other friends.

So I just about told everyone I want too. There are two people that dont know who I will tell soon. My older brother and my dad. I originally just wanted my mom to tell my dad but I mean she obviously doesnt want to or idk so I think I will. And that will happen within the day or two since I leave to go back to school (fuckin pissed i have to go back). Then I think I might shoot my brother an email explaining the situation (the email thing worked so much better and a lot less stressful as well than telling face-to-face).

But anyways, I'm up to a total of 7 people knowing which is fine with me. No lie its sooooo much less stressful thinking about it. Like a HUGE weight has been lifted off of my shoulders. I really hope this continues with me back to school when Im around people that dont know though.

(I will just name my friends now and that might make this a lil less confusing)...So my friend I told first, Sam, the basketball player in Utah was cool with it. I emailed him and was fine with it. Then Friday, I told Sara face-to-face and she was pretty shocked. This was somewhat difficult because I texted her that day saying I needed to tell her something. I didnt know that she was with Joe (other best guy friend who plays football) when I texted her. So she called me like freaking out, asking me whats wrong and when am I going to her house to tell her. Then like a minute later, Joe called me from her phone asking whats wrong and just tell them now. So I just told him that he was going to find out later as well so just relax and I would be over there soon. I went to Sara's house and right when I get there, they were questioning me and asking what the thing was. I avoided it and said I will tell them in a bit because there was no way I was gonna tell both of them at the same time. Wayyy to awkward and difficult for me. Eventually Joe left because he had to go to his sisters basketball game so I called Sara out to her porch to tell her. I told her to try and guess but she had no idea and was saying random stuff like I had cancer, terminally ill, moving, something happened to my parents, she had no idea. I eventually told her and I actually said "I'm gay." (first time for me to say it to someone) So she obviously was shocked and surprised but she was like "thats it, I'm defiantly glad that it wasnt anything I was guessing." I laughed and just talked to her for a bit about it and she was cool with it. We were interrupted by her little brother so didnt get to talk too much about it. She sent me a text that night saying:
"Hey, I'm sorry we never got the chance to talk more yesterday, and I don't want you to think Im just going to pretend like you didnt tell me something important. I also want you to know that you're my best friend and Im so glad you decided to tell me, it must have been very hard but I would never judge you or think differently of you. I actually feel closer to you and Im here for you to talk about anything."
It was awesome reading that and I felt so relieved to see that she doesnt care at all.

Also that night, I sent Joe an email about the situation. I kind of used the one I sent Sam as a template but I changed most of it cause I didnt want them talking and thinking they got a mass email lol But in the morning he sent me a text saying:
"Not gonna lie, your email was a big shocker. But we have been friends since way back when so you know we still cool. Nothing changes, we all still act the same n stuff."
I just texted back saying thanks and everything and sorry for the way I told him but he understood and said face-to-face would of been awkward haha.

After telling both of them, we hung out Saturday and watched a movie, just chilled. I kind of felt awkward because I could tell that they wanted to say something but wasnt sure if I was cool with it. And we were around others so I guess we couldnt of talked about it but idk, it was just a weird feeling. So last night, I sent Sam a text just saying I told Sara and Joe and that he could talk to them about it or me just if he needs too cause I didnt talk to him too much in detail. Then he was on facebook so I chatted him and just wanted to talk to him and tell him if he had any questions he could ask. Soooo he started asking questions like how long I've know, how do I know, if I'm talking to anyone,  if I've done stuff with guys (lied to him :/), what kind of guys Im into (thought that one was funny), just questions like that. I was answering them and I told him that Im glad he is asking me this stuff cause its better just to be honest about it so its less awkward. Then he tells me that he is actually on a 3-way phone call with Sara and Joe hahahahaha First, who still does 3-way calling lol and second, thanks for telling me! haha I started laughing when I read that but it was cool. They were asking the questions through Sam and then he would read my responses to them. It was funny but I was super glad they were talking about it and stuff. I just really dont want it to be awkward when Sam comes home for summer or when Im around my friends. Thats why I would rather them just ask whats on their minds. I sent all three of them this text last night right before I was going to bed:
"So I guess I was left out of the 3-way calling cause Im gay but I dont mind :/ jk but forreal, if yall want to ask me anything you can. I dont mind at all. I knows its probably awkward talking about it but I just dont want it to be a huge deal. I personally dont want to bring it up just cause Im just not sure if yall want to talk about it. I know it was a huge shock to hear and I know its gonna take time for it to be normal or whatever but I really do appreciate yall sticking by me. Love yall and if you need anything, Im ther for yall."

So they have been COMPLETELY cool about it which makes me feel awesome. I love my friends so much!

So tonight was Sara's last night before she goes back to school. I went over there just to chill and our other good friend, Ashley was coming over too. I got there first and I asked Sara if I should tell Ashley tonight, she said yes so I decided too lol I was going to tell her before I left but didnt plan on it tonight. But Ashley showed up and it was us 3 in Sara's room just hanging out, facebook'in, twitter'in, youtube'in, and itune'in (made all 4 of them verbs! lol) and sara left real quick to go downstairs. I was like Ashely, "you want to know a secret? can you keep one?" She said of yes of course then Sara walked in and I was like, "Im just about to tell Ashley the secret." She smiled and got all happy and I was nervous now and froze a lil. Ashely started freaking out. And I just was like, Im gay. It was priceless her face. She looked like a person who just got punked. Like smiling, but questioning it and confused. It was funny. Sara was smiling and shaking her head. And Ashley was like "forreal?" I shook my head yes and she was like "thats good!!" ahahahaha we all just started laughing. But it was funny and she for sure had the best reaction so far. She was happy and thought it was really cool. So we talked and they asked some questions and it was awesome. Then now she was just fb chatting me saying that she will always love me and that she is happy for me and she is there if I need to talk.

I seriously couldnt have better friends. I LOVE them SOOOOO much. I honestly cant even believe I have told them. Those are just like my 4 people I hang with everyday when Im home. My mom was saying that Im a part time resident at my house just cause Im with these friends all the time. Probs over summer I will tell my other good friends but that will have to wait. Im content with where Im at now. :)

So thats how I told my crew! haha I will have to update on my mom situation :/ things are somewhat shaky there but I head back to school tomorrow or tuesday, just depending on the weather cause its a freak winter storm right now in texas.

ps-congrats if you read all that and understood it, didnt read over it cause its really late and im tired. so night everyone :)

pss-I changed how my songs are. Im thinking I will try to update a new 5 every now and then just so its fresh and new music.