Wednesday, March 28, 2012

the double life is fading

So a commenter on my last post pointed out that my title is seemingly becoming less descriptive of my situation. Yes this is true. My double life of what used to be me being deep in the closet and me acting as if I was just another heterosexual male is diminishing. Though there are some boundaries in which this still exists. I'm not 'out' 100%. Im not even out 50% haha. I am out to a comfortable number of people that I am close with and care enough to tell them about me. I haven't blended these worlds together though and they stay pretty far from each other. For the majority of the people that I have told, it has basically been a "tell-and-go." I told them and thats about it. We havent discussed it much any further. There have been the exceptions though like my roommate and the girl here at school. They will ask me anything thats on their mind about the topic and crack jokes (in good fun) about me. I love it being an open topic to where its not looked at as a taboo subject and a sensitive one where people are afraid to talk about. I know with the people I have told, its somewhat of a new thing. I guess they havent had a close friend that has come out to them before so they dont know what is off limits and what is within limits. Im sure with time it will break down and it will be just a normal thing.

So I guess I might consider a new title for my blog soon. The suggestion that was made was "Getting Comfortable in My Own Skin," which for sure fits my situation. I'm still on this track because Im not 100% comfortable with the whole gay thing yet. It might seem like I am, but there are still situations in which I feel uncomfortable or awkward with being gay. Time is still taking its toll with this and I know I will get there one day...

Thanks to the anonymous commenter who left the comment! and thanks to everyone else who commented on the last post...still iffy about writing a thing for outsports

take it easy


  1. Socrkid: You may want to wait to change your blog name, because after you graduate you are going to need to update the name anyway.

    I like that you have become so confident in yourself so perhaps your new title could have some kind of inspirational words in it.

    As to your friends, I expect if you asked them to set you up on dates, that would generate a lot more discussion with them. They are probably reluctant to get into your business unless you invite them, since they don't want to intrude on your privacy.

    I am curious whether your family has noticed a change in you since you started coming out -- like do they say you are happier?

  2. That's awesome that you can be so open with a couple of your friends. I'm experiencing that for the first time right now and it really does feel great. I feel closer to them than ever before.

  3. You posted about not wanting the gay thing to creep up after college. Do you plan to be back in the closet? Or just discrete? You have really matured since the first post. I went back to the beginning, you seem so happy to be out. Good luck!

  4. Title for blog....
    Just being me!
    Life my way!
    My way all the way!
    Cool blog btw

  5. Hey man,
    Your blog is awesome. I can relate to you in that I'm also beginning to not be "in the closet". I've recently came out to most of my close friends and I'm definitely a lot more comfortable with myself for it. Take care!

  6. Greetings! First of all, the readers of your blog are great people with a lot of sage advice...I'm always impressed reading the comments they make and the experiences and wisdom they share. Second, I got tired just reading your schedule for senior year! Yikes!! When you add in the 2 hours of physical training on a daily basis in the "off" season, along with practices and games in spring and fall with the time and emotional commitment that involves, I find that schedule both impressive and daunting. Which leads me to third, hold off on any idea of publishing for at least a year. I didn't say hold off on your writing, but give yourself time to review your journey, keep a separate journal (not blog) of experiences, emotions, interactions,you have had growing up and/or in high school, which would enhance any publication. After one year if you accomplished that and are ready, think beyond outsports and contact several book publishers to pitch your story. You have already given many people so much by sharing your thoughts and experiences in your blog and will continue to do so. But as you said, you are still on a journey as a soccer player, a college student, of graduating and entering the job market, and finding pride in yourself as a gay man. Make that journey your priority for the upcoming year. Take Care and Happy Easter!

  7. Hi. Just wanted to give a small bit of advice. You don't need to be out to 100% of the people. No one needs to know your sexuality unless you want them to. All you need is to be comfortable enough in your own skin to be able to tell people when you want to. There is no more need to advertise being gay than there is being straight(although the latter is usually assumed).

    The world is changing, and being out and proud is definitely easier than it ever was, but there are still a lot of ignorant, bigoted people out there wanting to slap you down. I say this because as you prepare to graduate and enter the working world, you should know that the level of acceptance will vary depending on your profession. It's great when you can say that you're out and proud and damn the rest of 'em, but you also have to eat and pay the rent - and that's just life.

  8. Anonymous (above) makes some good observations. We all kind of have a "double life" insofar as we blend into the heterosexual crowd. People assume we are straight. Insofar as about 80% of the population is straight, the guess is usually accurate.