Tuesday, August 24, 2010

telling my teammates??

Telling my teammates about my lil secret could possibly be the hardest things I have ever done. I have debated about it so many times especially recently but I dont think its gonna happen as long as Im on the team. I have debated to just tell my closest teammate who is also my roommate but it seems risky if it slipped out on accident or something.

This is another conversation that some of the guys on the team had that keeps me from telling them:
Today after training, me and five other guys on the team went to dinner at Zaxbys. It was my teammates birthday the other day so we went to celebrate kind of just so we didnt have to eat at the cafeteria. But while we were eating, something came up about gay kids. I dont know how or where it came from. But a teammate (also a roommate of mine now) was like "I could never have a gay child. It would not happen. I wouldnt allow it!" Then some other the guys agreed and said some other stuff about it. But he was like "if my child was gay, I would shoot him." Knowing the guy, he wouldn't shoot anyone. He is one of the nicest kids on the team and never gets mad, always shares his stuff, and lives in a positive kind of manner I guess. I mean it sucked hearing that but thats the stuff that keeps me from saying anything to them at all. Maybe there idea of a gay guy would change if I came out since I play soccer (not to be arrogant or big headed, but Im a big part of the team and they look up to me as a player and person) and Im just a normal chill kid who does the same shit they do except fuck girls. I just dont understand why people give a fuck about other peoples sexuality. Why the hell does it concern them? I dont know, it just pissed off...

But Im glad this blogging thing is here. This has helped so so much! Have talked to some great guys about this stuff and its really helped me. These are some new blogs and pretty sick dudes if you ask me: Not So Open & Obvious, I'm Me, and Average Gay Dude. Should check them out!


  1. hey man, there are moments like that when people say crappy stuff. don't let it get you down. brush it off. maybe ur the guy who changes all your team mates' views on what it means to be gay. hope you enjoyed the summer...

  2. It's pretty standard for guys to diss gay guys and in some countries to make racist or religious comments, so should not be taken too seriously. In fact coming out to your roommate or the others may be the challenge they really need.. makes them reconsider their opinions completely and coming out may be the best thing you could do with this bunch.. make them grow. Dave

  3. Blurred is right - sometimes in a group, people say stupid things to sound "big". I know it's great to have hindsight, but the question to ask next time is "why?". Why do they think that being gay is so bad? Does it REALLY make ANY difference?

  4. Radicaljoe
    It's depressing to hear the words coming out of a friends mouth. If they had to walk in your shoes and be the gay friend, they would honest to God change and Love you with all that Love we should all give one another, it takes a lot to understand, and sometimes they are such hypocrites.

  5. Bigotry is a really ugly thing, and it's even worse when you hear it from someone you like. It's too bad there's nobody else on the team who speaks out when guys make such ignorant comments.

  6. Blurred- I know there are, I just sick of hearing these moments. I could be that guy to change there opinions but im not sure if im ready to be that guy yet. I did have a good summer and I hope your having back at school!

    hotbodz- I know its typical for that to happen. It gets old hearing it I guess. They probably do need someone like me to come out and show them that all gays arent the stereotypical type but not sure if im ready for that

    Stephen Chapman- Thats what I dont get. Why should it matter if Im gay or not. Our friendship isnt based off that Im straight or anything. Its just that we are good friends with similar likes. I dont understand why people have a hate towards gay people. It just doesnt make any sense to me.

    Joe-That is so true. I would love to trade places for a day and see how they feel where I am coming from. I honestly dont show it and people would never guess it but it just sucks thinking about this stuff all the time.

    timeroo420- I do go to school in NC! why is that?

    GP-Yeah, I wish someone on the team had like a gay sibling or relative that way they would say something. I mean I would but then they would assume or probably say something about me then question me. I feel like I should say something but Im not that type of person.

  7. "if my child was gay, I would shoot him." Thats wrong on so many levels. Jeez, I dont even know where to begin with this post. First of all, I give you so much credit for having to deal with your teammates bashing gay ppl. Dont let them get you down. Just imagine how they will change their perspectives on gay people when they find out one of their best teammates is gay. I guess I can sort of relate to you. A couple brothers in my fraternity try to be the "alpha male" type. I have never really heard them talking about gay people but I have a feeling they wouldn't be comfortable with it either. Alot of times I feel left out of the group for being gay.

    I love this line you wrote...I think this thought all the time. "I just dont understand why people give a fuck about other peoples sexuality."

    Well heres a good example with a positive outcome to this statement. So after I told my two best freinds I was gay recently, I knew I had to tell one of my really good friends from HS who transfered to my college. We met up, had lunch and afterwards I told her I was gay in an empty lecture hall. She was estatic. She grinned and said, you could have told me this a while ago, I dont care who you like or what you do in your personal time, I love being in your presence and hanging out with you.

    Everyone has flaws. Remember that. Im learning not to be ashamed of mine.

    "In order to be irreplaceable one must always be different."

    And thanks for talking about me in your post! That was cool of you dude =)

    Hang in there buddy. Theres always a light at the end of the tunnel

  8. Average- Thats what I was thinking. And some of the kids I was wit agreed. Im sure they would literally do that but its just something that hit me. Thats awesome your friend was so accepting. I wish I could see the future to see their reactions if I told someone lol. Really like that quote man. Might have to steel that :) No problem at all. I feel like others can read your posts and learn from them.

  9. On one hand you know that some of them don't accept homosexuality....on the other hand, THINK ABOUT THIS...

    You're already a big part of the team, they look up to you, and I'm sure a few of them try to be like you. Would it not show them integrity and self worth to actually come out to them, regardless of them accepting it or not? If you CAN find a way to come out to them, I'm sure they would all realize that you're 100 times stronger mentally than any of them. To come out to a team that talks the way yours does would be a feat that very many have succeeded in.

    I have a feeling your teammates love you too much to disown you or treat you unfairly only because you like it up the ass.

  10. Allen- hahahahahaha lmao "I have a feeling your teammates love you too much to disown you or treat you unfairly only because you like it up the ass." that was too funny after such a serious first paragraph lol but thanks man :) I would love to come out to my team and be completely open with them, I honestly dont know if Im mentally ready for that though. Im sure some wouldnt mind or care but I just cant even think about how the attitude in the lockerroom would change. I dont know how to explain it, Im like at a loss for words how to describe how I feel of why I dont want to come out to all my teammmates lol but I would love too though if that counts :)

  11. I remember hearing comments like that in the past, and I felt like a little part of me died each time that I didn't speak up. But I wasn't ready to be totally out at that point, and you're not ready yet either. That's fine. There is no rush. You're in a difficult situation, on a team at a conservative (? religious) school. But maybe you could ask the guy "Would you really kill your own son or daughter? What would you do if you found out one of your siblings or cousins or friends from high school was gay?" It probably wouldn't draw attention to you, but it would make the other guy pause and think. But unfortunately, even nice chill guys can be homophobic.

  12. I asked because I do too, a D1 school. Most schools in NC are decent if not really good at soccer so you must be legit. Any chance you will divulge which one you go to? I don't think it's mine...

    Have you had to watch out for any tutors lately, wouldn't want to get into trouble with the NCAA.

  13. @timeroo420 cant say it on here just for personal reasons and dont want to be outed but would love to know where you go... dont really use tutors for school work but should I??... email me at reeboksocr@yahoo.com