Monday, August 16, 2010

the locker room

So being on the soccer team with all horny ass college guys, there is no short of conversation in the locker rooms. Something is always being said. From talking about fucking girls, to new underwear, to girlfriend issues, something is always the topic of discussion. And normally it isnt just between a couple of guys. Its the whole team. No one is shy about bringing up things in the locker room. Its like a temple to where it wont be talked about later on anywhere else. (Besides fucking girls). For example, getting new underwear. I think this is possibly the gayest thing besides showing each shaved pubes (dont ask me why this goes on but i dont partake in this). Anyways, they will model them and like look at themselves in the mirror and people will joke around just staring at a guy in underwear. I think its weird and it might just be me but I think that is very gay!

And the reason I wanted to talk about this stuff today was because in the showers this morning after training, the topic was having anal sex with a girl. They were saying how they want to try but women dont want too and stuff like that. If I came out, I know I would be the topic for all jokes. I also just feel weird talking about that stuff. Especially with a group of 20 guys who arent very affectionate towards gays. I cant even imagine that topic being discussed with the team and one gay guy. It just wouldnt go over so smoothly. Like during the talking of this stuff, I throw random stuff out there and normally just laugh at the stuff they say. Its really hilarious but I dont think it would be the same if I was out to them.

Probably me being paranoid again but its whatever. Just got to brush it off :/


  1. when i played for an organized team in college, (UofA and ASU) we always had the gayest things go on in the locker room. We had a guy (captain) on the team that played the dick grabbing game. he would ask you if you trusted him, and you had to say yes, and he would grab your package and hold it. so gay, but so fun! when I came out, no-one gave it second thought. we still played the same games and had the same kind of convos in the locker room. i did get teased a little, but all in good jest. The trick is to be able to dish it out too... I never lost the respect of a single team mate. although, I was at a secular state university

  2. Funny you should mention conversations about pube maintenance…the girls staying with us on vacation had a rather intense conversation last night about how to properly maintain pubic hair and how they like their men manscaped.

    Also, you’re being paranoid. Like D said, it’s all about knowing if it’s in jest and being able to dish it out. If you don’t act differently, not one’ll really treat you differently. Last night the brothers I’m on vacation with and I were rocking the hot-tub nude and no one cared that I was gay and they were nude. There were some jokes, but that’s mostly b/c one of the older guys (i.e. 8 years older than me) I hadn’t really hung out w/ before didn’t figure out I was gay until we were already in the hot-tub.

  3. Just a thought here (procrastinating again haha) but the whole coming out process can be a little intimidating. Instead of thinking about being "out" to your entire team, focus on telling a friend or two first, and once you've done that, one or two friends on your team that you really trust, guys that you know will keep your secret for now. You don't have to think any further ahead than that.

    Coming out is always a progressive thing. No one ever goes from closeted to fully open in one day. That's probably why so many people freak out a bit when they think about it. Baby steps...

    Having that first person (in real life) that knows about you is just such a relief. Like, physically feeling better haha. It's kinda cool to have those people who know your whole story, but you don't have to be totally open to everyone else yet. When you're put in awkward group situations, you can glance over at them and they totally understand why it sucks for you. Just the fact that "they know" makes it easier.

    I was thinking about some advice I gave recently. I said wait until you're totally comfortable until you come out to someone. In afterthought, I realized that it's almost impossible to be totally comfortable with the situation UNTIL you come out to someone, that's the key in itself! Catch 22 eh? :)

    So here's my revised advice. You have to be at the point where you've totally accepted your own sexuality for what it is, if you haven't already. Once you're there, you're ready to tell other people. How and when is totally up to you. It's not a race, but on the other hand you probably don't want to wait until you hit the retirement home. Keep in mind, there's never going to be a perfect moment.

    With one of my buds, he's gonna be moving further away in a few weeks and I won't have a chance to see him again for a while. I'm in a bit of a pickle, cuz I wanted to tell him in person. Now I'm thinking skype or call might have to be the only other option. Yes in-person is always better, but not always possible. Better that I tell him myself, even if it is over the phone.

    Bro, I know you can do it. :) I hope you don't take my advice the wrong way, I don't mean to rush you or push you along at all. You're the only one who can decide when. I think of it as building a safety net underneath. You're doing the climbing, we're just here to make sure you don't fall.

    Jeeezzzzz that was a long comment!

  4. Well said Taylor. that is exactly how it happened for me. i came out to my best friend first. it helped so much to have someone in person to talk to. My team was all in baby steps. The funny thing is, I never told the asshole on the team. He was the most unfriendly guy who was the biggest asshole and always made gay comments. I was pretty much out to everyone when he found out and he actually became one of my best friends. We were chilling at a party after our last game of the season and he plopped down next to me and completely opened up and apologized for any rude comments he made before he knew I was gay. long story short, he's like a gays best friend. dude is more politically informed on gay issues then i am and he's totally straight! lol

  5. wow thank you for sharing us stories inside the locker room,haha its like you are our spy there!interesting...

    and I know you are in an awkward situation,i salute u for being strong.keep it up.just enjoy the show!haha

  6. I too have been in that same position. It's an eerie feeling. One hand I know they're my boys and they would have my back over anything..but it's also quite nerve racking knowing that some of them might now be okay with who you are. It's a tough position.

    I just started my own blog. I'm 18, and athlete, bi and closeted. Can you follow/add my blog to your blog list?

    Thanks bro!
    I like your blog..keep blogging!

  7. Glad to have you back writing again. I find the guys who are most homophobic are the gay guys themselves - the str8 dudes usually don't care less.. most of my friends are str8 and I think they actually enjoy having a gay friend - nothing changed when I told them I was gay.


  8. D-That game sounds fun haha but naw we dont play that. its the just talks that go down is what gets to me. I know if i came out all the jokes would be out of fun and not to harm any feelings, but i think it would get old. I mean i can dish it out so i think i would fine.

    RJ-hahaha thats funny! did they say they like it smooth cause thats what the guys in the locker room are doing now lol Thats awesome yall are so close. hopefully people wont care when i come out like that

    Taylor-Holy shit that was a long comment :) lol Really appreciate it!! I understand completely what your saying. I dont see myself coming out to anyone in the near future anyways so its all good. I want to but I dont want to risk anything yet. Maybe in the next year or two I will start the process.

    Mac Callister-haha no problem at all! and thanks man!! :)

    Allen-Exactly dude!! it sucks not knowing how they will take it. but it seems to me from the stories I have heard, that its not as bad as we think so you never know, they might not care at all! And Im following you man, always love reading and talking with another guy in my situation!

    Dave-Hope thats true. Thats awesome nothing changed. I praying thats how my friend are when I tell them

  9. Unfortuately for your teammates everyone I was w/ agreed that it's just creepy and not attractive when someone's clean shaven b/c they look like they're 8 years old; however everyone agreed the balls should be clean shaven.

  10. RJ-haha thats I how feel!! I feel like a lil kid if I do that. Just got to maintain it down there lol