Sunday, June 24, 2012

Question #6

back with another question that i would like to get some feedback with. (even my second post of the day)...

So the question is... What is the age difference between a guy you would be willing to talk to regarding him being older or younger?

I've heard age is just a number but the whole number thing still effects how i see someone and how appropriate it would be for me to date/sleep with the guy. I tend to find older guys sexy and their look just seems more manly than a younger guy but I still dont think I could date a 35 year old something guy like that. it would be way to weird for me in public and just knowing the views of my friends/family wouldn't think it was right.

I went on two dates with this one guy and he was decent. Good looking, very smart, and nice but he was 25. Me having an older brother who is 26 and an older sister who is 24, it just seemed weird mentally for me to think about dating this guy. (not every guy im gonna date, ill end up marrying but still.) Even with ECCC, it felt weird even though we were only 3 years apart. It would be awesome to find a guy who is a year older or a year younger, maybe 2 but i just feel like anything more than that is stretching it.

These are just my views but i just wanted some opinions from others... so im all ears! haha


  1. Hey Socrkid17,

    Glad to see your doing well man with your recent posts. As to your question, I think age isn't just a number but it depends on who the guy is. I'm attracted to guys older than me b/c of maturity. What I noticed is that even guys older than you might not be mature as you might think. It just depends on the guy. It also depends on who you can relate to. If you date a guy 10 yrs older than you than you most likely have nothing in common. Not all younger guys are immature tho so I know how you feel. It all depends on the guy and how much you have in common with him instead of the age. Hope this helps man.


  2. i've been reading your blog and have found it a really good read, so I think it's about time I provide some feedback to this question since my partner and I have to deal with it sometimes... I'm black, 53 and American. My partner is white, 27 and native Russian. We've been together for 5 years. I'm fully integrated into his family and he mine. We're very active, snowboarding, scuba, camping, rafting and road tripping. Most of our friends are straight, not sure why but that's okay. We go clubbing to both gay and straight bars and have no problems in either environment. So for us it works. For others, probably not. As the commenter states above, it's about chemistry. No one really looks at me as the old man or a sugar daddy. If they do, i'm unaware of it. We'll probably get married next year and spend the rest of our lives together. Yeah, we're pretty unique and we're happy. Age in our case, is just a number.... Hope this different perspective gives you a different point of view. Good luck and enjoy your summer! -Pepper

  3. Hey, Socrkid17:

    Don't worry too much about age. I met this guy at school when he was 22 (undergrad) and I was 30 (doctoral student). Was just supposed to be a typical gay hook-up. Sixteen years later (and eight after getting married in Canada), we're in the suburbs, we have the mortgage, one car and one pickup truck, three dogs, a garage filled with power tools--actually, I guess we sound more like lesbians. LOL What's even weirder is that he makes way more money than I ever will--I've joked about him being my Sugar Cub. Anyway....

    Some of the longest lasting couples I know have a bit of an age difference, and some of the worst couplings were of people the same age. (Then again, I've seen disasters and successes in reverse.) Just remember the biggest thing: Don't give a rat's ass about what other people--your family, friends, strangers--think. They aren't the one who has to look at someone in bed every night, and every morning, for hopefully 40 or 50 years. You are--so just make sure you're happy with the choice.

    BTW--Great blog! Have really enjoyed reading it.

  4. Socrkid: I think age differences is less of a barrier to a happy future. It's about chemistry and connection and how you feel towards one another. 3 years age difference feels like a lot but it's nothing when you get older -- it's more about maturity and station in live.

    You have some young guys who can act very mature for their age, and you got older guys who are young at heart, willing to be open to new ideas and experiences, it just depends on the other person as well as your own expectations.

    I would say do what's comfortable for you -- 5, 7 even 10 years older and you are still in same generation. As others have noted bigger age difference happen all the time, but I agree with you, dating someone say the age of your parents, that would be a bit strange and quite a stretch for me as well.

  5. When you start to date it's natural to think about what kind of guy would be a good match. But once you've got some experience you'll probably reconsider some of your initial criteria.

    In order to understand your attractions you should try dating guys of different ages, ethnicities, backgrounds, personalities and attitudes. There's absolutely no way to know who would make a good match until you interact with him. Chances are the best match will be a surprise.

  6. Socrkid,

    I have seen guys in their early 20s date guys in their 50s. Yes, people raise eyebrows, but if the chemistry is there, large age differences are not a problem.

    Candidly, when I was in my 20s, I wanted to be attracted to a very well-to-do man in his late 50s. Sweet guy! VERY RICH!! Unfortunately, I was not sexually attracted to him as much as I was intellectually attracted. If the sexual attraction was there, and we decided to live together, I would have lived the last 20 years in luxury.

    For some guys, age really is just a number, and they can find themselves in loving relationships with mature, financially stable men. For others, age is a big factor.

    Just go with what feels natural to you.

  7. i'd agree with most people here who say to keep an open mind. i dunno how old you are and 25 might seem really old to you, but as you get older (i'd say mid 20s?) and become more established in life, you tend to care less about age. me thinking long term, i'd just prefer not to be with anyone more than a 10-year age gap cuz that absolute difference is probably my personal limit.

    but again, it just depends where the attraction is. if you dig the guy, go for it and don't close out a whole set of guys just cuz you think they might be too old. and definitely not at least guys in their mid late 20s...thats barely anything haha.

  8. Age may just be a number, but it's usually a a good indicator of where someone is in life (e.g. career stability, maturity, priorities, goals, biological clock, social scene, etc.). Personally, I've gone on dates with guys 3 years older than me who you'd think were 7 years younger than me and I've gone on dates with guys 6 years younger than me who you'd think were 6 years older than me. When I was your age, I wouldn't have considered dating anyone who was more than a year out of college just because of where I was in life and my need to be able to relate to who I was dating.

    What it really comes down to is if the attraction/connection's there and if you're comfortable with the person. You're still young and have a lot of dating to do (in theory). I wouldn't write this guy off just b/c he's in his mid-20's, but if you're not comfortable given the circumstances, then you gotta do what's best for you and will make you happy.

  9. socrkid, these guys are right. i think chemistry is much more important than a number. and its also true that as you get older, the difference in age becomes less significant. i know what you mean about not wanting to date anyone too much older or younger than you, but i think that it probably depends on the person themselves. you could meet a 21yr old guy who is in a totally different place than you, but then you could meet a 27yr old guy who you just click really well with. i personally keep an eye on the age thing as well, but i don't let it become -the- decisive factor.

  10. Hey RJ -- what happened to your blog? It's just an empty shell.

    PS: Sorry Socrkid, I took over your comment space for a topic outside your posted one.

  11. I agree with almost eveybody above, it's not the number but the mental age that counts.

    I differ 4 (and a half) years in age with Stof, I'm 29 while he's 33 now. People even don't notice the difference in age, and if they try to guess they think of me being the oldest one (maybe that's something to do with my hair haha). Well you can judge by yourself, you've got pics of both of us ;-). I fell in love with him at 21 (app your age) - still being a college student - while he was already working for 3years. Being in different stages of life never was a problem, in fact it was a pro for both. I was happy to enter the 'grown up world' with one foot while I kept him young with my student life. It caused us to buy a piece of land to build on before I even graduated.

    When I told my parents I had a boyfriend (that was actually my coming out too) they told me it would depend on who he was if they were going to 'include him in the family' (accept was not the question, but more like really try to have a bond). When I told them about the age gap their reaction was rather sceptical, but only until they met. They never asked about it later. And there's definitely a bond, they treat him like their own son.

    When people'll see your older/younger guy makes you happy, their prejudices will melt very soon. You've already proven you're a strong one, I'm sure you could handle any possible resistance about that.

    @fan of casey: I asked RJ lately. It has a specific reason and he'll put it back soon but it's up to him to explain that. All I'll say is he's fine.

  12. this is an awesome response and preciate the comments! i do agree with the whole concept of going with the flow and dont let the number be the deciding factor. i do think as i get older, the age will just become a number but still, its on my mind since im only 21. i mean my parents are 4 years (maybe 3 haha) apart so i think they would be fine with it. and connecting on a maturity level is a big thing and kids my age are sometimes not all together so guess i'll just have to wait and see

  13. great question, my partner and I are 20 years 51, he will be 31 in december. it definatly adds another dimension to a relationship. his family and friends are very open and welcomeing to me as are my family friends. I tend to like younger guys, for the simple reason they know how to have more fun than guys my own age....I look and act closer to 30 than 50. the one issue that has come up, between us, is one that had never dawned on me, but he brought up. was most likely i will die 20 years before him, and he will be alone in his later years. That is something i had never thought of, but it is totaly valid. the only comfort i can give him, is my family has longevity....100 years isnt out of the question for me, although 100 isnt out of the question for him as well, his family has heart issues. certainly no one knows when they will go, but I am concerned for him.

  14. ahh that makes sense. that is something hard to deal with and think about. im sure it will work out and glad yall are happy together! thanks for sharing!!

  15. I want to weigh in, even though it is late in the day, so to speak. He was 27 when I was 65, and that was over nine years ago. I never thought I would be happy starting at 65, and that it would be a man thirty-years younger than I am who would be the person I felt safe enough with to let love in.

    Someone made a disparaging comment, which I relayed to my therapist, who said, "Hell, if he was a woman he'd be considered a trophy wife."

    We do have very different interests and backgrounds, but we have an astonishing sexual/emotional/spiritual connection. It is the connection which makes us whole!!

    Look for the heart/heart connection. Forget the numbers, please.

    -Seventy-four in Minneapolis!