i think i'm too nice

random venting and kind of hard to read...

I dont know what it is, but I just feel like I'm too nice. And I mean I guess its not a bad thing, but sometimes it just pisses off that others aren't the same or they don't acknowledge it. I dont get walked on by any means, but I just put others first. If we have to drive and no one else will (or wants too), I will. It does piss me off being that of my roomies, 2 of us have cars at school but the other kid is so fucking stingy, he doesn't drive anywhere. Yeah we give him shit but he just doesnt get it. (random but he once gave a waiter a fucking 26 cent tip!! it was so embarrassing when the waiter asked what it was) This kid is one I've talked about before in how he is fake and acts Christian-like but its like a mask. And the thing is, I get a long with him like nothing is wrong. I honestly bottle up my emotions and what I think of others to myself so much that I feel like I'm fake. I dont think I am and I dont think others do either. Im honestly just a nice guy.

I think it does have something to do with me being gay. Im accepting of others and honestly am friends with anyone I meet. I will hang out with a person for a night and from then on, we will keep in touch. I talk to my friends friends that I meet randomly. My friends back home always say Im the nice one and will break the fights up.

Like tonight, me and my roomy (the one that I first told) have been in a fight for the past 2 days in which we havent spoken a word to each other. We get pretty heated over soccer cause we are both so competitive and it gets bad when we are playing against each other. But like our fights are stupid in my opinion. And it always ends up with me asking whats wrong and being the first to talk. I just left his room from seeing what was up and he said he thought I was mad at him which is fuckin stupid. yeah I was mad at him but whatever happens on the field stays there for me, it shouldnt carry over into our friendship off the field. He always carries it over and its hard cause we live together so its pretty awkward around the place when we arent talking.

Am I a second class citizen?

This video gave me the chills. I really can't wait for this documentary to come out...

my 6th semester

Well this for sure wont be my most exciting semester to say the least. My class schedule is pretty rough and will make getting a good GPA even more difficult. I'm taking Estate Tax, Fiduciary Law 1, Money and Banking, Philosophy of Business, and World Religions. And these are all on Tuesday's and Thursday. Yes, that means I dont have class Monday, Wednesday, or Friday but after today, I kind of would rather have class throughout the week. I'm fucking exhausted and I have to be up at 6 for fitness. My day today was up at 6 am, fitness test (3 mile run which I got 20.40 on which sucked), class at 8 and 9:30, came back for a nap, then class at 12:30 and 2 to 3:20. Came back to my room and did some laundry. Went to chick for dinner then night class from 6-9 and got back to hang out with the roomies for a bit and now im typing this. Uneventful day but I feel like its taken forever!

Today in my first class, I showed my friend a tweet from Anderson Cooper that was funny and he was like "you know he's gay right?" I said yeah I know, and he replied "yeah thats weird" then laughed, " i lost all respect for him after I found out." I wasn't sure what to say. So I laughed and questioned why and said he's still a good guy as well as news reported. He agreed but still said he isn't a fan anymore because of the whole gay thing. It kind of made me mad and also kind of made me wanted to tell him about me (which I didnt). I wanted to see his reaction but of course that wasnt the time or place to tell him. Im not too close with him so I dont think he will be one I will tell anyways.

I also had a pretty fuckin legit weekend I will have to write about. It was with the kid too, I just need time to write it out ;)

Thats about it I guess. Gonna head to bed so I can get some rest before my beep test in the morning. Night everyone!

the lil bro

So it was for sure a solid Christmas break. Spent some quality time with friends and family. There isn’t too much new on the gay front besides I’m completely out to my family now. My parents and older brother and sister have known for about a year now but I was still waiting on to tell my little brother for certain reasons. He is a freshman in high school and still isn’t mature. He has hard times comprehending things and understanding certain situations. This in part has something to do with his mental state. I’m honestly not sure what he has but he is slow. He doesn’t act his age at all and his education level is far below what it should be. Its frustrating to me cause he seems normal but the things he does are just beyond me. Sometimes I wish I had a younger brother who was ‘normal’ but I just mean a brother who acts his age. I love him to death and always will. He says some funny shit too so he typically keeps me laughing.

But I told him about a week ago I guess and he took it awkwardly to say the least haha He started laughing and kept saying I was joking. He didn’t believe me and thought it was weird, really weird. He asked me about the girls I hang out with and the girls I talked too. I just said we were friends and just hung out a lot. I asked him some questions like if it would change things and if he ever thought I was and he was cool about it all. Telling him was by the far the easiest one for some reason. I guess I was trying to show him something. Like it doesn’t matter who you are cause people will like you for you and you shouldn’t have to worry about things and girls cause he has plenty of years ahead of him.

Also over break, I was wanting to go to a gay bar while I was home but that never happened. I looked some up and found a sports one but just never had alone time to go down there and never had the courage to ask a friend to go haha

That’s about it. I have a couple things I want to get done by 2013. I wouldn’t say they are resolutions but more of goals. One is to be out to my team at school. Yes I know it’s no ones right to know who Im with or attracted to but if they ask, I’m not gonna try to avoid it. Im for sure not gonna go around screaming ‘I like dick’ either haha So hope everyone had a blessed Christmas and a Happy New Years!