Wednesday, December 22, 2010

i thought things were good

Well with mom knowing ALL of me, things have been somewhat different. I mean not dramatically different, but like she is always trying to do stuff for me. Just little things more often than normal and I dont mind, its just I feel like she feels sorry for me or something. I dont know, could me just being paranoid but I defiantly know she has been acting different. 

And I guess she didnt take it as well I as I thought. Apparently she doesnt believe me that I am. 

So we just got back from our trip to NC for my sisters graduation and we drove two cars back: our van and my sisters car. Since my sis had so much shit to bring back, we split up in the cars and it was pretty packed. My mom and sister were in her car while me, my brothers and dad were in the van. At a rest stop, I asked my mom if they were having some mother-daughter talks. She said they were just "analyzing different things." So right when I heard that, I knew she meant me but she also said they were talking about my sisters guys. Anyways, we get home and I was going out with some friends so I head up to my room to change and stuff. While I was getting ready, my mom came up to ask her motherly questions to see where I was heading and stuff. But she also said that I should wait to tell anyone else cause she doesn't think I am. It was pretty random but I guess she thought I would just tell the world since she knows but I'm not going too. This kind of pissed me off just thinking that she doesn't believe me but I also think its because she doesn't want me to be. I know parents dont really want their kids to be gay but its not something they can control. She also said that she wants to have a talk with me but I don't really want to. I guess we need to since I haven't talked to her much about it since I told her but even when I told her, she questioned me asking me how do I know and saying it might just be a phase.

Then yesterday, I was just in the "I dont want to be anyone" mood and my mom asked me what was wrong and why am I sad when I was about to go somewhere. I just brushed it off saying it was nothing and she said "Is it because I know you?" and I just said no and kind of starting leaving. 

It just kind of sucks that my mom doesn't believe me but I guess I just need to explain to her. Not really looking forward to it but I guess it should be done.


  1. I think it is important that you DO talk more with your Mom, as much as she wants. It sounds to me like she will support you and wants to help you if she can. I think she will always be on your side and it will be nice to have someone to talk with who you know will support you. I think she can probably help you understand yourself better.

  2. Similar sitch happened to me with my mom. They def don't want to believe it, and until they see you with someone or actively dating dudes, they'll probs always think it might not be 100% true. Parents try to prepare themselves for parenthood, but this is one of those things no one wants to have to prepare themselves for. Keep truckin' dude, shit just gets better.

  3. Hey man, first of all... I have to say that you blog is really great.. I'm readind every past post!

    Well... I guess parents are universal.. I'm a brazilian boy.. and the situation is really similar. I had "20 years" to come out... so I gave my mon some time, so she can process the information..but the situation is weird.

    See yah!

  4. Some people tend to think "If I don't believe it, it's not real". Maybe?

  5. Yea, it's true. My mom didn't really believe me at first either.

    For some reason your parents think they know you better than you know yourself... Probably b/c they raised you from a baby and they would have 'figured out' if you are gay. But parents are def wrong in this case.

    I think a part of it is that parents, amongst other people, think that to be gay you have to act like the stereotypical guy. Since you havent exhibited any stereotypical traits your mom has concluded that you can't be gay.

    But give it time. Reassure her that you are not pulling her leg and that she needs to re-learn what she thought she knew about you.
    Make sure she knows you are the same person and still love her and the family.

    It'll work out man. It sounds like she loves you even if she is having a hard time with this.

    Hang in there

  6. You know parents. they want everything right for their kids. Sure she wants you to be straight and happy with the wife, grand kids and white picked fence. I think deep down she is divided on this and hoping you are not sure. Once you go into it further she will understand. It will work out. What you are doing is going to lay the foundation for your future happiness.. Merry Christmas/Happy New Year!! Love your blog..

  7. same deal with my mom. she still doesn't believe it. i remember when i did it she thought it was just the alcohol speaking (bad timing but i couldn't do it sober)..anyways she told me not to tell anyone at all and i told her the whole family knows already. she said don't tell anyone else especially my dad's side of the family (we were at some family event on my dad's side). a week later she asked if i was joking but i just brushed it off. today anytime i say i'm dating or even just having a friend over she asks "guy or girl" lol. honestly i think its just a natural reaction. she's only going through the phases of accepting it and you have to realize the main reason she's acting that way is because she's trying to protect you. as far as we have come as a society, there's so much ground left to cover when it comes to gay/bi and all that stuff

  8. it'll take some time. before you know it, she'll be your biggest supporter. Same exact thing happened with my mom and now she is asking when my boyfriend and I are going to adopt children. she wants to be a grandma! lol. hang in there and i guarantee it will get better

  9. things are good... you've got a mother who loves you but is worried. just means she really cares about you :)

    Cuz I'm just full of quotes lately lol...
    "Coach Graham rode you pretty hard, didn't he?" he said.
    I could barely muster a "yeah."
    That's a good thing," the assistant told me. When you're screwing up and nobody says anything to you anymore, it means they've given up on you."
    — Randy Pausch (The Last Lecture)

    Now you just need to show her you're not screwing up, you're on your way to being a happy, successful, bright, courageous, and talented young man. She just needs to redefine the image of you that she's known her entire life. If that doesn't take some time getting used to, only then would something be wrong. Let her find her own way, just like you did. You won't regret it. A million words could not describe how proud I am of you. Merry Christmas!

  10. I don't know you or your Mom so I won't waste your time with my cereal box psychology, but give her time to process what you've told her. Not everyone can process this sort of thing immediately.

    I give you credit for sharing this part of yourself with her. All gay men can empathize and relate to the coming out process.


  11. I agree about giving time. A lot of guys take a lot of time believing themselves gay, so I think the same process and time is needed for family. especially if they didn't even suspect it. just give it time and take it slow... my two cents.