well, i guess not technically lie but didnt follow through with what i was planning on doing in a somewhat round-about-way. so in my last video blog, i said i was going to be more open and tell others if i was gay if it was questioned it.
tonight, me and my roommate went to go grab some dinner on campus at the student center and we ran into a teammate and his girl. his girl always is saying how cute and good looking i am and like if she wasnt with him, she would try with me and always asks when i'm gonna get a girlfriend because i shouldnt be single. well once again, she kept asking when im gonna get a girlfriend. i just brushed it off saying im just waiting for the right girl and my roomy was backing me up. i honestly did want to tell her and my teammate but i just wasnt feeling it. she plays softball so was a bit worried that if she knew, it might spread through her team. i was just over thinking it at the time and now im regretting it because ive been meaning to tell my teammate that we saw.
so yeah, just thinking about that how i missed an opportunity to tell those two people... though on a positive note, i did tell 2 more of my teammates this past weekend and again, they were super chill about it which was good.
4 years ago
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I honestly wouldn't feel too bad about this. A couple days ago, my friend's girlfriend picked us up in her car. On the ride back, I decided to tell her, even though I wasn't all that close to her. She kind of downplayed my whole emotional struggle thing by telling me not to be dramatic, and then she said she wanted to throw me a coming out party! I told her that I was NOT ready at all to do that, and honestly if I didn't tell her she would have probably told all of our mutual friends. So I think there is still a time and place to say something this personal, until you are actually 100% comfortable with everything. Although you probably shouldn't have lied and said "waiting for the right girl" you could have just said "waiting for the right one" haha
ReplyDeleteSocrkid: You are not obligated to tell everyone who asks. Like you said, you have to feel it and there should be a good reason to share this highly personal news about yourself. Just because he's a teammate and not necessarily a close friend means he's more an acquaintance, so it may not be important that he know.
ReplyDeleteI totally agree with your decision. You really don't know these people well enough yet, and I think your concern about the softball team is very legitimate. Don't beat yourself up over using good personal judgment in this situation. Take Care!
ReplyDeleteSorry that I didn't have a chance to comment after VidPost #2. It was great. You were obviously much more comfortable. Thanks for sharing about the GSA meeting. You probably won't meet your soul mate there as you say, but being part of it is another big step in being comfortable with who you are.
ReplyDeleteHaving said that, you don't have to tell anyone you don't want to tell. And is not a sin to react as you did when put on the spot. As you well know, locker rooms are practically the root of all gossip. On the other hand, you might want to consider that participating in GSA is just another step in word getting around. So, to stretch an old metaphor, you are damned if you do and damned if you don't.
Keep the faith and do what you have to do!