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today at training, i got some news from a teammate that another teammate of mine told some girl he was talking to a couple weeks back, MY secret. not sure what entitlement he got that he can go out and tell other people something that doesn't involve him. especially when i told him specifically that i didn't want him spreading it. and it just so happens that he told the girl (who plays lacrosse at our school) while she was at lunch with one her teammates - so of course, she over heard and went and told one of her teammates, which in turn, told my teammate, who told me.... for all i know, the whole women's lacrosse team might know or even other kids around campus. when some news hits a team at my school, it tends to spread pretty quick just because all athletes are pretty interconnected.

so i messaged the girl that my teammate told and to see what happened. i was nice about it cause i know her and she is a cool girl but it turned out okay i guess. i mean, yeah i'm pissed but there isn't much i can do about it now. i'm gettin to the point of not caring anyways but i really would like to just come out on my own terms.

in other shitty news, an old teammate of mine that i roomed with my sophomore year came back to visit for a couple of days. he is Jamaican and i know i used to right about him because of the shit he's said in the past about gay people. so tonight before i left to take him downtown to the Amtrack bus station, i told him. wasn't a good response and he just basically dismissed it and said "yup, its about that time to go now". i told him that more than half the team knows and what other people know - it didnt phase he decision that he made up in his mind already though.

i dont know, it just blows my mind how ignorant some people are these days. it's been even more noticeable with Prop 8 and DOMA being voted on the past two days. yes, i changed my facebook profile to the red sign, but i think thats about far i went on facebook. i didnt post any other stuff about it because i dont think its something that needs to be shoved down everyone's throat. its not necessary. i did read numerous posts against same-sex marriage though. many of these just seem to carry no merit when i think about it. it's 2013 - how is this even still a topic? i can't wait for the years when people look back at this time and ask why our society was against it. it happened with African-American rights and womens rights. soon it will be with gay rights.

also, in other shitty news, i think i gave up on soccer too early. it sucks to realize this now. when i should of put in more work regarding my speed and quickness back my sophomore and juniors years, i didnt. i gave up on myself to early because i thought i didnt want to continue after school but now i realize that i love the game too much. when training gets canceled, i get mad. when we do train, i get happy. my mood depends solely on how soccer went that day. people now still ask me why i dont pursue it. when i practice with the team, i feel i stand out. granted i dont think we have the best players we could potentially have, but i still have the natural soccer brain in which can help a player reach that next level. the natural soccer brain is something that lacks on our team. so many players cannot think throughout the game and it kills me to play with these kids. its so frustrating at training to play with kids like that but my love for the game keeps me there.

some positive news though, on monday, i benched 205 four times which was huge for me. that was my first time gettin over 200 and thats with 2 warmup sets and 2 work sets before that. then on wednesday, i squatted 290 five times. thats the most i've done since being at school and holy shit, its pretty heavy haha. a good lift is such a good stress reliever for me. i love seeing the improvements and seeing my numbers go up. and we still got 4 more weeks left of school to bump them up even more.

also, this project that i was working on for the past week was completed today with the final presentation. it was for my estate planning seminar class and we had to set up an estate plan for a wealthy couple with a shit ton of assets and debts. it was cool to put everything we learned together but it was such a headache finding the right plans. especially cause it was supposed to be a group of 3 which turned out to me and one other kid doing all the work. our third group member was a baseball player and used the 'athlete-in-season' card which was bullshit. its all good now though since its over. the remaining 4 weeks are going to suck though with so many papers and projects and tests though.

so this was a bit longer than i anticipated but had some shit on my mind that i needed to get out. hope everyone is doing good though.

i didnt take a year off from being gay

i fuckin love my teammates. they all have been mad supportive and super chill about the whole gay thing. and each new teammate i tell, they take it in stride and dont care.

last night, we were chillin at a teammates apartment drinking and somewhat pre-gaming for the party we didnt end up going to. i was with 3 guys that new then a freshman that didnt know. by the end of the night i told him and of course, he didnt believe and i thought i was bullshitting until the we all convinced him it was true. he said he respected me and had no idea. though he said he thought it was weird that i tweeted the Robbie Rogers story and some other gay news that was big at the time.

towards the end of the night, we were having the typical conversations with the questions. honestly, i love these - the opportunity to educate people on the gay community and general topics regarding gay subjects is always fun to me. the main question that is always a hot button issue is: "is being gay a choice or are you born gay?" i respectively gave my philosophy on the topic and all the guys agreed and understood where i was coming from, except for one. its a kid from NJ on the team and he really is the most chill, easy going guy probably on my team and he even goes to gay clubs back home with his gay friends; but he thinks its a choice. when we were going back and forth debating our hands, the other guys sided with me and completely agreed on how attraction to a gender isn't a thing to where you choose. its a natural progression without conscientiously thinking about it. i explained to when i knew i was gay and for how long i've been closeted.

it was cool that one of my teammates felt sympathetic for me by not truly being myself until i first told someone my sophomore year. he couldnt grasp the idea of me not coming out until college and going through high school completely closeted. the funniest thing he said was "so were you gay freshman year though cause you didnt come out until sophomore year..." yes he was completely smashed cause they were drinking at the beach since 2 but we all just died laughing. he said he had so much respect for me and that he loved a lot. it was a cool thing though.

unrelated to this post:
-went to another gay meeting thing last week and it was actually a good one cause it was people sharing their coming out stories. it was kind of fucked up as well though cause the 4 people that shared, their parents didnt accept them and they all have had rough times coming out. one girl that shared, her parents found out by a picture on the internet and her parents went behind her back to apply for other colleges and one was Liberty University (aka Anti-gay University). so one day she got called by them explaining how she was accepted and it caught her off guard since she clearly didnt apply there. i felt pretty bad for them since my coming out has been pretty smooth. i was going to share and right when i was about to start, the group had to get out of the room cause their was a class that was about to start ...(it was my MBA business ethics class actually which seems pretty interesting so far)

-still single

spring break'in

its been a busy past couple of weeks. had a few midterms and even a final for a grad class of mine. it all turned out relatively well so my parents were pleased with the grades which is always good.

just got back to school this past sunday since my spring break was last week... it all started friday the 1st with a short flight to Regan in DC. then had a take a shuttle to Dulles, the other airport in the area to meet up with my pops, (he flew from Dallas). then we boarded our flight and took off to London for a short 3 and a half day trip. it was sick. i love that city even though it is very over priced. we managed to get tickets to Chelsea v. West Brom from a player on Chelsea and they were decent seats. at Standford Bridge, there really isnt a bad seat in the house and Chelsea won so my dad was happy because thats the team he supports. from there, we went to dinner with my dad's aunt and uncle. it was awesome seeing them since its been about 10 years from the last time i saw them. after finishing dinner, we took a short taxi ride to my dads cousins apartment. his place was super nice! it was a 4 story apartment and the rooms were super small but the whole set up was dope. its a place i could see myself living in one day. and side note - but my dads cousin is very good looking! sexy british accent as well. he is married but shit, he would be an ideal guy for me, besides the whole straight part haha

the next day we tried to get tickets to my favorite teams game - Arsenal v. Tottenham Spurs. it wasn't happening though. we arrived at White Hart Lane 3 hours prior to the game in hopes of getting them from tout but they were selling for 700 pounds for 2 which is outrageous. it would be about $1,100. so we ended up watching the game in a Spurs bar right outside the stadium which was a cool atmosphere. Spurs lost so they were all in good spirits while i was pretty pissed though. from there, we kind of did the touristy things. headed to Big Ben, Tower of London, Piccadilly Circus, Buckingham Palace, just about everything.

we were about to head to Paris for the last day on the Euro-train but since we were booking it so late, it was too expensive. for the last day, we did some shopping and more touristy stuff. overall, it was fuckin dope though. i already cant wait to go back one day.

from London, we flew direct to Dallas which was about 9 1/2  hours. it surprisingly passed pretty quickly though since the plane had such good movies. in all of flying, i watch Argo, Silver Lining Playbook, Life of Pie, End of Watch, and Looper. they were all quality moveis besides Life of Pie, that movie just wasnt for me haha

the rest of spring break i spent hanging with my fam and a couple of buddies that were in town. as always, i loved every minute of it. as ive gotten older, spending time with my family has become so much more important to me and even if we arent doing anything fun or exciting, im enjoying myself simply cause im with them. 

 Tower Bridge

Tower of London

 Standford Bridge - Chelsea's stadium

 Piccadilly Circus

 Parliament and Big Ben

 Floating Yoda

 Drunk dude in Victoria Station

Hyde Park

 at the Chelsea v. West Brom game

 worlds smallest fold out bed

 the Emirates Stadium - home of Arsenal

 White Hart Lane - home of Tottenham Spurs

 the Emirates again

 Buckingham Palace - where the Queen resides

 

the London Eye