fail

Updated! (new music and new genres. this is about as gay as i will get on this blog besides the idea of it all haha but had a complaint on music (Explorer Jack) so i thought i would give some fresh jams to yall. and for a disclaimer, i dont have any of these songs actually on my itunes...even though i do enjoy them haha)

So I tried writing a post tonight since I've been so fucking bored butttttt I couldnt even do that. Its like my brain doesnt know how to function properly when Im bored. My thoughts wont stay put when Im trying to write. I had started two posts before giving up on them and now this is my post in order to clear thoughts.

Talked to some blog buddies tonight and it was great. I love talking about random shit with someone who knows my secret. Its like a sense of openness. Even if we dont talk about gay things, them just knowing makes things feel better. Like earlier in the evening I was with my brothers fiance getting dinner. He's out of town so it was just me and her. We sat there for hours just talking after we were done. From what I wanted to do after school, to adopting kids, to family. It was just random talk and I felt at ease because she knows about me.

I dont know what it is when I talk to someone who knows Im gay, but it certainly is a different feeling than talking to someone who doesnt know.

Hope everything is well people!

Happy 4th Everyone

In celebration of country's freedom and all our troops, here is a GREAT article for yall to read. It was sent to me by a reader of my blog and I thank you for that! Its a bit lengthy but no more than 10 minutes. I almost started crying reading it cause its so touchy...

So here it is, check it out!
Soldier leaves legacy much larger than 'he was gay'

-And I enjoy reading the comments from these articles, but one I read yesterday was saying something like this article should just be about the soldier dieing and not about him being gay cause its no difference that a black soldier and if the article read "soldier leaves legacy larger than being black" and then like the gay community should stop fighting for rights cause it doesnt matter. Well in my opinion, I feel like thats fuckin retarded because unlike gay people, black people can obviously serve open in the military. Gays have to suppress their feelings and serve for the country that restricts its rights. Also, its bullshit because blacks also had to fight for their freedom and rights so why cant gays? It makes no sense and it seriously pisses me off when people say such ignorant shit. Like why the fuck do people care so much who others are fucking or liking. It makes no difference to them at all!

Well thats it, feels good to get that off my chest. Time to celebrate the best country in the world :) stay safe everyone!

the kid i can count on

The first person I told my about my lil secret has probably been my closet friend for the past year. Its my roommate from freshman year, sophomore year, and we will be living together next year as well. He is also on the soccer team with me at school. I seriously can talk about ANYTHING with him and he doesnt care. Ever since coming out to him, I feel like we have defiantly gotten closer. He understands where I'm coming from with the coming out process cause he has some gay family members but unfortunately, it wasnt as easy for them cause they were brought up differently.

But the other day when New York passed the bill for same sex marriage, I chatted him saying I can get married in New York now. He said thats awesome that another state is legalizing it. Then he said something along the lines of this: "so when you get married in new york, i better be invited first off all cause ive never been to new york and second, you better tell your husband that he has the pullout or floor cause im sleeping in the same bed as you :) " I was cracking up reading that and it felt so good that he like hes just so chill with the whole gay thing. We went on talkin about marriage and if I ever will get married but I'm not to sure if it will happen. Im actually not into the whole marriage thing. I would feel awkward having a wedding with friends and family there for some reason. 

Then we went on talking about kids cause Im coaching camp again this week and I got the 7 year olds which is sometimes frustrating but I also love it. I really want my own kid (really only a boy cause I dont want to deal with female problems haha.) And I kind of want my kid to be blood related meaning I would have to find a surrogate mother. I have no idea of the process of all that but I think it would be different to have some lady carry my child for 9 months then just hand him over lol But I told my roommate that I would have to find a dime (good lookin women) to carry my sperm. And he said "ya cause she would have to make up for your ugly ass looks" hahaha

And yesterday, I told him about my past hookups lol It was all through fb chat but I mean he tells me every detail when he hooks up with a chick. Mainly cause im asking to make jokes about it but he gets mad when I dont tell him stuff. So i decided I would and I did that yesterday. Told him about craigslist and the random hookups and he thought it was cool. He was real happy I finally decided to tell him stuff and he was happy Ive been gettin my dick wet lol

This kid is awesome and love him to death. I feel like everyone should have someone like this in real life to help express feelings and talk about stuff with. I might of gotten lucky to find such a great friend but I'm super glad I did :)

ps-my homie Secrets of An All-American from the blog world told someone!! give him a shout cause thats fuckin hugggee

where does the time go?

So I defiantly took a break from bloggin but it wasn't really on purpose. I've been pretty busy with soccer. Practicing twice a day then lifting some days, I've been exhausted. And I've been traveling a lot. This past month I've been to Ft. Lauderdale, Jacksonville, New Orleans, Baton Rouge, and some city in Mississippi and going to Orlando and Bradenton this weekend. Its a lot travel and hours on a charter which I either sleep or just listen to my iPod. Theres movies normally playing but typically they are scary and Im not a scary movie type of guy lol.

Within the past month, I've told one person. Its an old highschool friend that I havent seen a while but we talk occasionaly. I told him through a text and he was super chill about it. I knew he would be so thats why I decided just to tell him. I think his lil bro is gay and so does he but he doesnt care about it. But when I told him, he just asked a bunch of questions like what type of guys Im into, do I have a bf, am I trying to have one, just stuff like that. And I was real happy he did cause normally people dont ask that stuff right away. Also he goes to UT (University of Texas) and for those who know UT, its in Austin and Austin is very liberal. Their slogan is "keep Austin weird" so there are plenty of gay people and just different people but he invited down to stay with him and he would take me to some gay clubs lol he's a good guy and Im real glad I told him.

Since being here in Nashville, I've had no action lol Its been a while too and Im gettin to that point where I need a hookup. And not knowing anyone here makes it that much harder. I've tried craigslist but holy shit, the people on there for this city are weirrrdddd. Its awful! Like I feel there has to be other guys out there in my situation in this city. Nashville seems pretty liberal from what I've seen of it. And when I go out, I always see real good looking dudes and got mad fashion and I can never tell if they are gay or straight. I just really want to have some fun before I head back to jail (my school) lol

Thats about it I guess, I will post more often for sure

new dope song

"Say what's on your heart if you're real cause the scars you can't see be the hard be the hardest to heal"



(also new songs on the playlist)

told another one!

Tonight I told my soon to be sister-in-law! My older brother just got engaged this past Saturday and his fiance is super cool. They have been dating for THE longest time. Im so glad he finally decided to ask her cause she's awesome. And now that Im livin with him for the summer, I thought I should tell her since Im going to be seeing her a lot.

Tonight we went to see Bridesmaid which was fuckin hilarious!! Its supposed to be the female version of The Hangover and it's pretty close to it. My bro's gf was with her girlfriends and me and my bro met up with them at the theaters. After the movie, me, my bro and his gf went to get some pizza and then came back to my brothers place to chill. On the way home, I asked my brother if it was cool to tell her tonight (she was in a separate car) and he said of course and that she wouldnt care in which she didnt. He was in the shower and me and her were just watching tv. I just was like "I have to tell you something." then I said it. For some reason, this time was by far the easiest. I felt a lot more calm and composed compared to the other times I told people. We talked about it for a couple minutes and that was it. She didnt care and she said she felt honored that I told her lol

It feels like more weight has been lifted off my shoulders since telling her. I love the after feeling off telling someone, its awesome to know that you dont have to put a front up anymore when your around that person. Now I just wish I was completely out hahaha

college soccer player comes out!

So there has been a division 1 soccer player who came out recently (and no its not me)! He plays at Adelphi University in New York and is a real cool kid. I've gotten the chance to talk with him about the whole process and the teams reaction. We are pretty similar in a lot of ways. I feel like most gay kids are similar in the way of thinking and feeling. He even likes Arsenal! Even though they were really really disappointing this season.

Heres the link to his story and its def a good read: check it out!