drake concert

so this past Wednesday I went to the Drake concert here in Raleigh and it was fuckin sick. he is my favorite rapper and has been for a while. he's humble, intelligent, a thug (some might disagree since he played a character in DeGrassi haha), and his lyrics are very chill. also at the concert was J.Cole, 2 Chainz, and Meek Mill. All of them absolutely killed it and the crowd was going crazy.

It was a decent crowd and since it was super hot out, a lot of the guys were shirtless which of course I didnt mind. the guys here in NC tend to be very fratty. Not a bad style but they all dress the same and have the same haircuts which is kind of weird i think. very conformal...also i was literally in the middle of a fight between these two girls that was so sick. it was crazy and i got pushed a couple times by the surrounding people but it was just mad funny watch this girl the slap these other two girls right across the face then pounce on top of her to take her to the ground. for sure the closest ive ever been to a fight.

well i have videos i was gonna put on here but they aren't working and really, the sound is shit since the bass was so intense at the concert so no worries then.




not video but decent sound quality...this is one my favorite songs by Drake too


same song but from another view. this is towards the back of the arena so you can see how many people were there. it was pretty dope


No Lie by 2 Chainz and Drake... this isn't my video but found it on youtube and this is actually really close to where i was sitting. i have a video but you cant hear anything from it

relationships

So last weekend I was in Nashville for my older brothers wedding. It was a great time. Seeing family I haven't seen since I was like 10 and meeting family I've never met before was awesome. (i've got some goodlooking relatives I didn't know about ) And then to see my immediate family is always a blast. With my relatives, I got the typical questions like: do I have a girlfriend, when will I get a girlfriend, have I been seeing someone, you should come up to where I live so we can go to the bars and pick up girls (the usual). Clearly Im not out to them and they have no idea. No one outside my immediate family knows and not sure if they ever will.

The night before the wedding, we did like a watered-down bachelor party since my brother couldnt do one prior to the wedding due to work. So we went downtown and had a blast. My brother might of had too much fun cause the next morning, his head was in the toilet for a good four hours. He felt like shit and regretted going out the night before. But in the end, he cleaned up and we made it on time to do pictures.

Seeing my brother up there and my new sister was a crazy feeling. Honestly, I couldnt believe he was getting married. I feel like we are still so young even though he is 26 and has been dating his wife for 6 years now (long I know and they knew as well lol). I got teary eyed when they were doing their vows and my brother even started tearing up. Im not much of an emotional guy but seeing such powerful things being said between two people really hits the heart hard. I cant be any happier for the two of them and I absolutely love his wife. She is so chill and super nice and cant wait for them to have a kid so I can be the cool uncle and spoil the kid (better be a boy though).

But as this relates to what I was thinking, I really want to feel those feelings like they have for another guy. I want to be able to bring him home to the family and have him meet my brothers and sisters and have him feel the love of my family. I want to love another guy to where I cant see myself with anyone else. As for the whole wedding thing, i dont know if it would be a huge celebration or just a quiet thing between the two of us, I guess that will be decided if I ever meet someone but I just want to experience that 'love' feeling. Sounds cheesy and corny I know but I feel like being gay makes it that more lonely and harder to deal with this type of thing. Especially since I'm still considered 'straight' to more than 9/10 of the people I know. Finding someone like me and in the same situation makes it so much fuckin harder.

When I go out back at school, the guys that know will point out the gay guys (the obvious ones with the lisp and odd body actions...not that i have anything against them, just not my type) and tell me I should talk to them or hook up with them. Well those clearly aren't my type of guys. It gets annoying when they do this cause they dont understand how easy they have it if they feel like finding a girl. The guys Im attracted to are ones you would never expect. After knowing them years and you wouldn't suspect a thing are the guys I would love to find and talk to. Having such a disguise makes it hard for another gay guy to find them. ( I guess I could be missing opportunities since Im not out and potentially another gay guy could be at my school and doesnt know about me so kind of a sticky situation) It just sucks it what Im trying to say. I would love to have a relationship and be able to talk with the guy about anything and everything. I know the chances are pretty slim about this and probs gonna be awhile as well. I feel like I'm recognizing this even more since this internship. I workout, go to work, play soccer, and repeat. Same shit every day and not a guy to just talk to.

I did want to start possibly trying to date but this leaves me up to online sites. Im kind of on the fence about them. I guess its the only way for me to potentially find someone due to my situation but I think it would be way sick to find a guy in person through common interests. Last night I did go out and get drinks with a guy from a (dating) site. And Ive tried all types of sites but none of them really live up to the expectations that I would have for them. But the guy I met up with last night was fun. We only chatted for maybe two days online then since we both had nothing going on yesterday decided to get drinks. He showed me around downtown which was nice. Hung out for like 5 hours just talking over drinks. It was good conversation and not to many awkward silences which was good. He isn't the athletic type I've always wanted but he is the smart guy which is nice. He did offer for me to go back to his place since he lived 10 minutes away and I was 30 but I declined and went home alone. Thought about it the whole way home and wasnt sure if I made the right choice. I didnt plan on sleeping or doing anything with him but just thinking about being able to law with a guy stayed on my mind for a while. Not sure where its gonna go but i dont know I might see him again.

well just another random post that probably doesnt make sense but main point is, i want a relationship. with a gay guy who seems straight. haha

work, travel, and shit-updated with pics

updated it with some pics i took during my trips (they are at the bottom)...

things have for sure been pretty busy and will continue to stay busy since i just signed up for 2 soccer leagues to play in over the summer. One being an indoor league on Tuesday night (played last night and scored 5 of our 11 goals) and then the next starts Monday and will be played on Monday and Wednesday nights. Pretty stoked about it

Work has been okay. Just intern stuff. Some days I literally surf the web reading random news articles. yahoo and aol have been keeping me busy when i dont have shit to do. this past week Ive actually been learning someones desk cause the lady is taking vacation next week and im going to be doing her job. should be pretty fun and at least i'll be busy for the majority of the day.

The past couple of weekends have been pretty solid though. This past weekend I was at the beach. My friend from school has an internship and has a condo right on the beach for the summer. The drive is only 2 and a half hours so Ill def be going there almost every weekend haha I need to get some sun cause im real white! Over the weekend, I got pretty toasted though and now Im paying for it. The sunburn is was really bad since I didnt wear lotion which was an awful idea.

The weekend before the beach, I drove to DC. My brother was working up there and I also have a teammate that lives 20 from downtown so it worked out perfectly. I stayed with my friend F/S/S and on Friday night when we got there, we went to go play futsal (soccer on a basketball court) at like 11 at night at Kevin Durants highschool gym. It was pretty cool with the banners and pics of him there. The futsal was awesome as well. Then Saturday we walked around the Georgetown area which was awesome! I would love to live there after college. Very youthful and vibrant city. The shops around the city were mad cool then the river with the outdoor stuff was nice. There were so many people out running and on the river and sooo many goodlooking people! Saw some pretty decent guys running which was nice haha it was funny to cause my friend knows about me and would comment on them too with me. Then Sunday we walked around downtown DC and went to all the monuments and a couple museums. Since it was Memorial Day weekend, there were so many vets which was cool seeing them and just thinking about what they have done for us was humbling. I appreciate the servicemen so much. We went to the Spy museum but it was $20 to get in so we decided not to go but then went to the gift shop which where the exit was to the museum, so we waited for the security guard to leave then snuck in that way haha it was pretty cool and our hearts were racing from doing that.

Then I left Monday morning cause my mom flew to NC to see me and my brother was working again in the city so me and her hung out all day and did some shopping. She hooked me up with a few things then I took her to Ruth's Chris for dinner. I love that place and was my second time going with her. I told the people it was her birthday (its in november) but they put rose petals on the table and gave her a chocolate cake thing at the end of dinner. She loved it all and i paid since I got my first BIG paycheck the previous Friday (and this is why Im her favorite haha)

Thats about it really. Leaving tomorrow to go to Nashville because my older brother is getting married! Pretty excited about it and cant wait to see my fam and extended family members. Im sure it will be a good ass time.

-ps- watched Weekend on netflix (recommended by closet med in his blog) and it was such a fuckin good movie! im probs gonna watch it again next week. real good story and good portrayal of characters. i recommend for sure! ...also funny/awesome story since i use my best friends netflix account (basketball player friend), i asked him who else uses his account and he said a couple of friends and told him why I asked and stuff since i wanted to watch a gay movie, and he replied "to be honest i dont know who does, but you can watch it if you want to!" seeing that felt pretty good though

 the White House

 the reflecting pool with no reflection...they were redoing it because of a leak

 at the dinosaur exhibition in the Smithsonian

 Georgetown University...it reminded me of Hogwarts

 the view form my friends balcony

 private beach chillin

 taken at night when me and my friend sat outside talking for like 2 hours

 leaving the island

 my friends puppy. the thing was fuckin doppee haha

 the steak at Ruth's Chris. it was amazing.

first week as an intern

Been doing the grown thing and working 8-5 for the past four days and only got about 12 weeks left! haha The first week on the job has been pretty slow and when I mean pretty slow, I mean very slow. Like yesterday and today, I got there at 8am and didnt start doing anything until about 10-10:30. I literally just sit in my cubicle and either draw/color like I did this morning, or I go on the computer. Im hesitant about surfing the web though just cause I dont know if Im supposed to. Yesterday I sat in on two meetings and they were super boring. I guess it doesnt help being that I didnt know much what they were discussing but regardless, they were way too long and way to slow. The first one was a like a monthly meeting within the unit Im interning in and with the supervisor of the whole operations. They discussed a new website that will replace the existing one, some different mail system regarding checks to clients, and some other updates. Then the second one was about a project they are in the middle of doing which will make it easier to look up and deal with clients accounts. I have started some processes and inputting data into the computer that deals with the new project though which is kind of cool. I have to search peoples accounts and check to see what type of account it is, (CRAT, CRUT, exectorship, rev/irrev, charitable trust, etc) and then list their ID number in which it will help to identify. It is a tedious process but still cool to actually know what the stuff means since Ive seen it in school. Hopefully things start to pick up a bit and I get more hands on stuff though

this is my cubicle

my picture from this morning...it took like an hour or so on and off haha

this is my room for the summer (the bed is so tiny!)

an old pic. this is from the drag show at the gay club

 (the bright spot is the drag queen)

 

 and this pic is from the remaining days at school. me 

on the right and my roomy on the left (the one who i told first). he 

moved his bed in my room for the last 3 nights while we

were at school haha we also had the girl he's talking/smashing

 with us. she slept with him though

i passed!

well i will officially starting grad school classes in the fall now! in order to get into my schools grad school program, I had to make a 450 and I barely squeaked by with a 480 haha. that test is pretty difficult since you cant use a calculator and its all math from 8th grade and high school (which during those years, I relied heavily on other people if you know what i mean haha) I basically just retaught myself all the math within a week before the test. Its been a pretty big ass weight lifted off my shoulder and we celebrated it very well.

the Wednesday night of when I passed, me and my roomy then my roomy for next all went to dinner then to see Think Like a Man. that movie was maddd funny. I fuckin love Kevin Hart and i think he is a great comedian and he is a decent actor. if you havent seen it, check it out even though its not the typical comedy. its a certain type of humor that me and my roomy love.

Thursday we out to a club as an end of the year celebration with the whole team. it was a real solid time. almost my whole team was there and there was a bunch of kids from school that were there as well. its a decent size club but it was packed wall to wall. kind of just posted up at this spot at the bar with my boys as girls came by. on the way back, we stopped at mcdonalds which is standard cause it taste soooo good when your drunk. got some nuggets then headed home. we got pulled over and it was my car but luckily didnt get a ticket. i wasnt driving but the kid was speeding and kind of talked the cop out of it.

Friday night we went to a gay club. it was somehting ive been meaning to do and i brought it up earlier in the week and the guys wanted to go so bad so we did. it was me, my roomy, my roomy for next year, then the senior on the team that knows, and the only girl at the school that knows (the girl that wanted the threesome with me and also who my roomy smashes all the time). it was a fun time but wasnt really what i was expecting. the place was big but not many people. maybe like 40 peolpe tops and they were all pretty old and very flamboyant. i got 2 numbers that night with the help of my friends being the wing-man. one was a guy and the other was a girl though haha. during the night, we saw the drag show and my friends were loving it! like the queen walked around the room as people gave money to him. so my friends like surrounded me and as the queen got close to me, like let him come to me and gave me money to give to him. got kissed twice on the cheek by two seperate queens haha overall it was a good time and i dont know about heading back though. my friends said they want to go next semester though

then saturday we kind of recovered and started studying cause right now is finals week. been pretty stressed out cause i had two tests yesterday and had one today which completely fucked me. it was estate tax and it was crazy hard. tomorrow i got money and banking then friday got philosophy of business. cant wait til friday though being done with school. also moving into my place for the summer which i start my internship monday! nerovous but excited about that

thats about it though...hope things are good with everyone!

a lil soccer update and a big goal

Not to much new as of lately besides being done with a very busy two weeks of school and training. Had so many tests and homework assignments all at once on top of doing 6 am workouts (because of punishment of teammates fuckin up) and our normal training/lifting schedule. Waking up so early then going to bed so late really takes a toll on the body. This past week I was sore and just exhausted the whole time.

This past weekend we had two games (kind of). During our spring season, we are only allowed 5 playing days for games due to NCAA rules and due to this, we schedule games where we double up and play shorter half's. Because of this, we normally play two 60-minute games instead of the full 90 minutes...This past weekend, we played two games against two D-1 opponents here in NC. The first game we played the team who won the national championship last semester and did pretty well against them. We lost 2-1 but it was kind of bullshit. I scored our goal (which was a pretty sick feeling scoring against the former national champs), then they scored like 10 minutes later off a freekick where our goalie just dropped the ball off a routine save. Then they scored with like 5 minutes left. It was a real even game and we only played 45 minutes total so I think we could of done better if we played longer. They said they only wanted to play 45 minutes cause they were short players when they had like 26 players with them and we only had 14 haha Our team is struggling with injuries and kids that left. The second game we tied 1-1. We were up 1-0 then the other team scored in the last 2 minutes to tie it. I guess overall it was a solid experience and took a lot from it. I was so sore yesterday though. (also I didnt get into any fights or get any cards which was solid)

And right now Im about to take a nap haha. Only 8:15 in the morning and about to pass out til noonish. Had our last 6am workout then got breakfast and dont have anything until 3 which is lifting. I only need to study for the GMAT which I set my test day for April 25th so just over a week (fuckin super nervous)

connecting the dots between bloggers

I've been debating to write about this or not but thought since its my blog and my personal journey and basically my journal, I might as well jot it down that way I can look back at it in the future...

So not sure if this is even supposed to be public or what not, but since it involved me somewhat in some manner, I'm gonna put my input in... Connecting the dots between Frat Star's weekly 'Frat Star Friday's' posting in Bi Like Me and my past with East Coast Closet Case, I could tell the hookup that is described in Frat Star's last post was between him and ECCC. I read this last Friday when he first posted it and thought about it to myself. I had a slight hesitation to think that this really couldn't be ECCC because the way he described his visit to Frat Star's local city was one that was average. I guess he made it seem like that to hide the fact that he hooked up with this dude. He told me how he brought his friends to Frat Star's place and said it was fun and I think that ECCC's friend that knows about him, made sure he didnt do anything with the guy being that she knew Frat Star's situation and how he is gay. Well clearly she either didn't do a good job of that or ECCC just didn't listen.

To be honest, I didn't care all that much. I mean me and ECCC aren't together and really aren't as close as what we used to be. I just think its funny how he tried to claim that I was already moving on by the other (joking) comments I put on other people's blogs but there he is fucking another blogger behind my back. (another thing I thought was funny was the linking to my blog in his posts to make me out to be the bad guy in the situation when I didnt do shit. this is just my personal view on it so might be wrong.) Then Friday night he texted me saying we needed to talk and I needed to call him. I knew what it was already about so I really didnt care to hear what he had to say. Maybe I should of given him a chance to explain his side but truthfully it doesnt fuckin matter what he has to say. He texted me saying it wasn't the whole story and he wanted to explain his side. I dont know what his side will do to persuade my thoughts about him but I doubt there is one.

Yeah I'm a nice guy and will do anything for almost anyone but when someone lies and then tries to confess to make things right, it really doesnt do much for me. Especially with someone I've trusted for a good amount of time like that. It's whatever though, I'm not even that mad, I just thought it was funny it was ironic like that...

On another note, had two games this past weekend and won both. First one 2-1 and second 3-0. Scored the first goal in both games and it was a sick header in the second game. Then I got a straight red card in the second half for punching a guy in his side. It was because he elbowed me after the play so I hit him and the ref saw but we both got reds. My coach was pretty heated though haha

And I'm going home Thursday for Easter which Im pretty pumped for. Since I wont be able to go home all summer, my mom got me a ticket to go home for Good Friday since we got that off