final year of school

school is back in session and i'm already struggling. taking 18 hours with 4 of my 6 classes being grad classes and working as the soccer team's graduate-assistant coach is a little bit more difficult than i anticipated. i'm literally in class, on the field, or studying - its crazy right now. thankfully, i have only about 9 more months of it. haha

not much else is new though. i'm still single, gay, and somewhat on the brink of out and closeted.

i do though, have a real life gay friend now. a kid in my major came out to me 2 weeks ago. he is one that i highly suspected of being gay before he told me and it's pretty obvious to everyone but its just unspoken. of course i didnt mind and its kind of cool to have someone who understands everything. we've talked a few times about it all and we have similar views about the whole gay thing. something that came up during our last talk was that apparently he knew about me before i told him (and i actually just told him about a month ago during summer when i visited him in atlanta).

i guess i would of thought that the people that i told wouldnt be so open about my secret. apparently a girl that i told, ended up telling others and around my school, things spread pretty quickly. i found out that a good amount of people that i dont even know, know about me now. at first when my gay friend told me this, i was upset but im already over it. its whatever now.

hope everyone is doing well though

what i've been up to

its probably been the longest break i've taken from posting but i just really haven't felt the need or desire to write as much as i used to. i'll give a quick rundown and recap from the last time i posted to get back up to speed:

- back at school in the beginning of May, i ended up getting a 19/20 on my final paper for my MBA Business Ethics class in which i wrote about legalizing gay marriage. i also ended up with a 4.0 for undergrad classes this past semester (something i've never done before in college) then with an A and B for my two MBA classes.

- went home for the first two weeks of summer and got to chill with all my high school friends. it was especially awesome this time because my best guy friend from high school brought his girlfriend of almost a year back home and i havent hung out with him for more than 2 days in the past 3 years just because he has such shitty breaks for college basketball. but she was super chill and it was really cool that she was so open minded about everything and we all 3 talked a lot about life and stuff in general. i miss that guy though.

- moved to Nashville for the summer and currently living here with my older brother and his wife - though its more like living with my sister-in-law only because my brother is gone 5 days out of the week with his work but its awesome the times me and her have had so far. i was living here two summers ago but this time, i'm here doing an internship - working at a trust company here. not really a fan of my internship though. its similar to last years because i'm working in operations when i want to work on the administration side. i'm kind of just doing bitch office work and i scan papers into the system all day. the positives of my job is that i get to listen to my music all day while i work and they are super lenient on work days which is nice. but still, wish i had a better internship.

- got to hang with Average Gay Dude for a bit when he stopped by in Nashville with his brother on his cross-country road trip. we went to a concert in a dive-bar type of place which i really enjoyed. the music was pretty solid though it wasn't my normal tunes i listen to. then we just walked around downtown and hung out talking for hours.

- Robbie Rogers made his debut for LA Galaxy which was a historic step for American sports and even sports worldwide. in my opinion, he really hasn't shown much and LA Galaxy has really suffered from the trade in which they sent Mike Magee to the Chicago Fire. but still, im fuckin pumped he is with a team and actually getting some minutes!

- went to the Pride parade here in Nashville with my sister-in-law. it was my first one ever to attend and it was decent. i would of thought more people would of showed since Nashville seems pretty liberal in general. i just liked the atmosphere of people being themselves. the coolest thing i saw was a couple hours later after we left the parade and went to dinner at a local burrito place - we saw a couple with their two kids (i'm assuming they were married and they were each other kids) but the kids had rainbow beads and face paintings and the parents had legalize gay shirts on. to see a hetero couple take their kids who were in elementary school to a pride parade, thats fuckin dope and mad props to that couple.

- DOMA and Prop 8 got struck down which is pretty dope.

- went to a gay bar here in Nashville with my sister-in-law. it was a really good time. nothing like the 2 previous gay bars i've been too. this one had legit music and a pretty good drag show and had a shit ton of people there. much better looking crowd as well. one got wanted my number so i gave it to him but i didnt respond the next day when he texted me. really wasnt my type and i did feel kind of bad.

- just got back from home for the 4th. was good seeing the fam again and hangin with my dog since i wont be back there until Christmas break.

randoms:
- movies - watched August which is a gay movie on Netflix and it was pretty good. decent looking guys which def helps the movie. i would say check it out if you are looking for a gay movie. also re-watched Milk on my flight to/from home. such a solid movie and i get goose-gumps several times throughout the movie. its awesome what Harvey Milk accomplished in such a short time.
- music - there has been some solid music out lately that i've been vibin too... J. Cole's Born Sinner cd is solid, Jay-Z dropped the Magna Carta Holy Grail, Chance the Rapper released Acid Drip, Wale has The Gifted, and Kanye West released Yeezus. all pretty different sounds of rap but ive grown to like each one. if yall lookin for a listen, type the cd name then full into youtube and the whole cd comes up....also a kid posted this on facebook tonight - an out, gay country singer, Steve Grand. here is a song called American Boy which i didnt really listen to much but the vid is prettttyyy solid haha
- painting - i also picked up painting while i've been here in Nashville. i got inspired by seeing a painting done by Brek Shea, who is a soccer player for Stoke City in England, but i wanted to recreate it which i made my own version of. and then i ended up doing one for each family memeber and have done 7 total. (i did do one for my sister and her fiance but i guess i dont have a pic of it) let me know what yall think!

did this one for my Dad since he was born in England

did this one for my lil bro - it's the lion of Chelsea, his

favorite soccer team

 did this for me

did this for me also

did this for me as well

did this one for my mom 

here are pics of my cute pup - though we just

 found out today she tore her meniscus 

 she was laying out with my sister

 doing some computer work

 tired from playing so much

me at the driving range

 from the Nashville pride parade

 drag at Pride

celebrating 25 years of Pride in Nashville

such a good quote i found walking the city

the last 3 were drag shows at the gay bar called Play

well, i hope everyone is doing great. bed time for me since i will be waking up at 5:30 to lift before work. take it easy.

history has been made today

if you haven't seen or heard or read anything about it, here it is - the article that was published by Sports Illustrated. Jason Collins came out and is the first American athlete to come out in one of the four major sports.

personally, i never knew or even heard his name before this article. that has changed completely now. i have a huge amount of respect for this man and i hope him the best in signing with a team to continue his career.

so much gay talk today

first off... holy shit! there are so many terrible and tragic things going on in the world as of lately. i feel like everyday, its something new. today in West, Texas, there was a fertilizer plant that exploded. its a city about an hour and a half from where i am from and have driven through the city numerous of times. watching the news and hearing about all the casualties is just killing me. i hate to hear and see all these events happen. here is a link (warning: turn volume down before watching) to what the explosion looked like and immediately, for some reason i teared up. i can't picture what it would be like to be there to see it or even be near it. its just sad.

today i went to another GSA meeting which was the last one of the semester and there was a guest speaker. the speaker was the head minister of our school (i think that's the title at least). she presented different ideas and viewpoints of what it means to be gay and to be a Christian. i was only able to stay for the first hour though because my MBA Business Ethics class started at 6. and coincidentally, in class tonight, we had a guest speaker who is the associate director of religion at our school who discussed gay marriage and traditional Christianity. so i heard a solid 3 hours tonight of gay talk - though i'm not necessarily complaing.

to me, religion is a very interesting topic. i enjoy talking about it even though i don't even know much about it. i do believe there is something greater out there, yet i don't know what exactly that is - that is for another post though. but as of right now after hearing so many different viewpoints on Christianity and homosexuality, my mind is racing. not with confusion about questioning my own sexuality but with confusion of what others truly think about homosexuality. there are so many conflicting ideas when religion and being gay comes up in the same sentence.

i dont even know where to start. the question or ethical issue of letting gays marry doesn't even seem like it should be a problem at all in my eyes. maybe i might be wrong, but at the basis of our country, isn't there a separation of Church and State? so why should the definition of marriage be defined by the biblical meaning which is between a man and woman. it doesn't seem right that our whole nation is governed by the constitution in which it basis' marriage off the Bible even though all citizens in the US are not Christians and do not follow the Bible.

i don't understand why homosexuality tends to be at the forefront of 'sins' in which people judge others on. within the Bible, there are plenty of other 'sins' that are listed as wrong yet those are not highlighted or get the same weight of attention placed upon them. isn't divorce a sin in the Bible unless the woman commits adultery? i'm not 100% sure if that is true or not but if it is, why should people be allowed to get divorced. there should be a law banning divorce between couples unless the woman commits adultery. it only seems fair to me. if something like that was introduced, that would be a huge uproar within society. celebrities might be the most affected by such a legislation i would think.

something else i don't get about 'marriage' is that people say it is designed so couples can procreate. maybe it's just me, but i honestly do not believe every couple is thinking, "yes, the only reason we should marry is to make a kid." i'm pretty sure a couple can have a kid without tying the knot and also, i know many couples get married but choose to not reproduce. should the couples who don't have kids while being married be forced to resign their marriage license because they are not fulling their duties of procreating. or should women or men who are infertile not be allowed to get married?

there are honestly so many thoughts and opinions that i have about this topic. i cant even illustrate them all by writing them down. and when i do think about this, my mind goes in so many directions that it is hard to keep my thinking straight.

one question that i do have and would possibly like some thoughts on is:
can a person be against gay marriage but be pro-gay or gay friendly?

to me, it doesn't make sense and i feel that if a person is against gay marriage, then they can't be considered gay friendly

marathon monday

i was gonna post how great my Monday has been being that i finally finished my so-called 'hell week' which included way too many papers, projects, cases, presentations, and tests. but as i got back from lifting and in the middle of literally 'suiting' up for my investments presentation, i noticed the "Breaking News" headline that was flashing across the screen.

my tv was on and set to CNN in order to be ready for the Robbie Rogers interview with Anderson Cooper once i got back from class that was originally supposed to air tonight. instead, it has been a constant flow of news coverage of the horrible act of violence against those in Boston - or against America as a whole.

from the time i left my room after seeing the news, i was trying to stay up to date with news throughout my class. though i dont know anyone personally who was running, i have friends living in the area of Boston. it just blows my mind to think someone would do such a thing. what would cause a person to want to hurt so many innocent lives? this goes for any horrific act against humans. i dont think there could be a reason that validates this type action that was taken. after seeing the graphic pictures that have been posted online, someone deserves a severe punishment - and i really do hope they find whoever was responsible for this act.

Robbie Rogers is the man

if you haven't read one of the newest articles about Robbie Rogers yet, you should check it out. it's awesome Robbie finally did an interview and explained the situation even more...

it's safe to say, i wish he was my boyfriend though. he is mad good looking, a soccer player, has style, and he doesn't sound gay - just from those qualities, we are a match-made in heaven... (a heaven where being gay is cool with the Big Man though)

linked them in the big-capped 'article' word for yall haha
- this ARTICLE is from the Guardian in London and has a video-interview which was cool

- this ARTICLE is from the New York Times. it's okay but pretty vague compared to the Guardian one.

(untitled post)

today at training, i got some news from a teammate that another teammate of mine told some girl he was talking to a couple weeks back, MY secret. not sure what entitlement he got that he can go out and tell other people something that doesn't involve him. especially when i told him specifically that i didn't want him spreading it. and it just so happens that he told the girl (who plays lacrosse at our school) while she was at lunch with one her teammates - so of course, she over heard and went and told one of her teammates, which in turn, told my teammate, who told me.... for all i know, the whole women's lacrosse team might know or even other kids around campus. when some news hits a team at my school, it tends to spread pretty quick just because all athletes are pretty interconnected.

so i messaged the girl that my teammate told and to see what happened. i was nice about it cause i know her and she is a cool girl but it turned out okay i guess. i mean, yeah i'm pissed but there isn't much i can do about it now. i'm gettin to the point of not caring anyways but i really would like to just come out on my own terms.

in other shitty news, an old teammate of mine that i roomed with my sophomore year came back to visit for a couple of days. he is Jamaican and i know i used to right about him because of the shit he's said in the past about gay people. so tonight before i left to take him downtown to the Amtrack bus station, i told him. wasn't a good response and he just basically dismissed it and said "yup, its about that time to go now". i told him that more than half the team knows and what other people know - it didnt phase he decision that he made up in his mind already though.

i dont know, it just blows my mind how ignorant some people are these days. it's been even more noticeable with Prop 8 and DOMA being voted on the past two days. yes, i changed my facebook profile to the red sign, but i think thats about far i went on facebook. i didnt post any other stuff about it because i dont think its something that needs to be shoved down everyone's throat. its not necessary. i did read numerous posts against same-sex marriage though. many of these just seem to carry no merit when i think about it. it's 2013 - how is this even still a topic? i can't wait for the years when people look back at this time and ask why our society was against it. it happened with African-American rights and womens rights. soon it will be with gay rights.

also, in other shitty news, i think i gave up on soccer too early. it sucks to realize this now. when i should of put in more work regarding my speed and quickness back my sophomore and juniors years, i didnt. i gave up on myself to early because i thought i didnt want to continue after school but now i realize that i love the game too much. when training gets canceled, i get mad. when we do train, i get happy. my mood depends solely on how soccer went that day. people now still ask me why i dont pursue it. when i practice with the team, i feel i stand out. granted i dont think we have the best players we could potentially have, but i still have the natural soccer brain in which can help a player reach that next level. the natural soccer brain is something that lacks on our team. so many players cannot think throughout the game and it kills me to play with these kids. its so frustrating at training to play with kids like that but my love for the game keeps me there.

some positive news though, on monday, i benched 205 four times which was huge for me. that was my first time gettin over 200 and thats with 2 warmup sets and 2 work sets before that. then on wednesday, i squatted 290 five times. thats the most i've done since being at school and holy shit, its pretty heavy haha. a good lift is such a good stress reliever for me. i love seeing the improvements and seeing my numbers go up. and we still got 4 more weeks left of school to bump them up even more.

also, this project that i was working on for the past week was completed today with the final presentation. it was for my estate planning seminar class and we had to set up an estate plan for a wealthy couple with a shit ton of assets and debts. it was cool to put everything we learned together but it was such a headache finding the right plans. especially cause it was supposed to be a group of 3 which turned out to me and one other kid doing all the work. our third group member was a baseball player and used the 'athlete-in-season' card which was bullshit. its all good now though since its over. the remaining 4 weeks are going to suck though with so many papers and projects and tests though.

so this was a bit longer than i anticipated but had some shit on my mind that i needed to get out. hope everyone is doing good though.