forrest gump running on my mind

so instead of flying out to NY tonight, im back home, about to kick it and play FIFA. my fuckin flight got canceled haha they are having some really bad storms there right now causing power outages and stuff so they shut down the airport. it kind of sucks but things could be worse as always. just hope everyone is safe up there...

wanted to post these 2 songs since they are actually GAY related. the first is by Frank Ocean. he is a R&B artist and relatively new. i never listened to too much of his stuff before i heard the news that he came out but that was more because i just never gave the time to listen to his stuff then once i heard, it sparked an interest in me to check his stuff out. of course this was a pretty big shock to people being that he is a black R&B artist. its just not heard of really in that industry. he came out by writing on his tumblr. he also did this like a couple days before his first studio album was being released (which is called Channel Orange and its mad chill!) its been on repeat the past week since i downloaded it and one song actually is about a boy. its called Forrest Gump and it just talks about a football player he had a crush on. its simple and pretty repetitive lyrics but i like it. so here it is:



also, here is the coming out letter that he posted on his tumblr...

then the next song is from Macklemore. i dont really listen to ths stuff but a couple of my teammates do and every song i've heard has been pretty solid. i found this song on facebook because a friend posted it. pretty sick so take a listen:



well hope yall enjoy the songs and i'll be back to tell you about my NY adventures!

did some shoppin

since i didnt go to the beach this weekend which kind of sucked, i spoiled myself and did some major shopping. went to these outlets thats about an hour away from my place then after that, went to two other malls in the area. thought i would share what i purchased...

got me two pairs of Nike's from their outlet. they were $69 each which was a decent price i thought and since i got me a shoe fetish, i felt like i needed them haha

this was from Nike as well. pretty simple tee for $17. trying to support my country for the Olympics!

the new timepiece. an Adidas watch which i got from Fossil for $24

 

the two button downs (one short/one long sleeve) are both from J.Crew and only $15 each then the pocket tees are from J.Crew as well and were $13 each

    a simple graphic tee from H&M at the mall for $12

i didnt get this today but got it a couple weeks ago from Gap for $12. i wore it today though and had like 5 people say they really liked it. it was funny having so many people ask where i got it. class Bob Marley

and i didnt get this but i literally started laughing out loud when i saw this tee-shirt. it was at Gap and thought it was hilarious hahaha

i dont think i have ever spent so much money in one day. it was almost 3 days of work pay!! haha but good thing i got this internship and getting paid lol i also got me a pair of jeans from Banana Republic for $33.

i actually enojoy shopping and i guess its a gay trait of mine haha i like to look good and like to get fresh stuff at cheap prices. i make sure to get all my stuff on sale in order to save some money. if i paid full price for everything i bought today, it would of been over double of what i paid for it all.

thats about it i guess...well, i am going to New York this Wednesday to Sunday. im just going to visit and check the city out. i've never been and have always wanted to so i got 2 days off of work and bought a ticket and gonna be staying with some different friends while im there. i cant fuckin wait to explore and get lost in the city. its going to be so sick

skinny dippin in the ocean

this past weekend i scratched that off the bucket list. went to the beach again and it was a solid ass time. it was me, my friend that lives there (the girl), then a teammate that just graduated (was the kid in DC that i went to go see) and his girlfriend from school. she is a year younger than me and two years younger than my teammate. his gf was the odd ball out on not knowing my secret but she did end up getting told haha

we chilled all day saturday on the beach and got some sun then at night, we ended up just chillin at the condo and killed 4 big bottles of wine. we were pretty toasted by the end of the night haha it started with us just hangin out on the balcony over looking the sun setting over the beach  (not literally but it getting dark). we started playin the drinking game circle of death (or Kings cup). its where the cards are in a circle of the table and a person picks a card and each card represents something. so about 30-40 minutes pass. i think a jack was pulled and it was like the second one of the game but when its pulled, everyone puts 3 fingers up and you play 'never have i ever'. you go around in a circle saying things you havent done and try to get the others to put their fingers down. (these things are supposed to be deep secrets or just dirty funny things) well my teammate said "never have i ever sucked a big dick" and we all started laughing and the girl looked right at me and started cracking up then my teammate looked at me and started dying and said "ooohhh shittt my bad haha i didnt mean to". so it was us 3 cracking up and his gf just sitting there not knowing what the inside joke was. he said it didnt mean it and completely forgot which i didnt care since i was somewhat plannin on tell the gf anyways that weekend. but we go on to a couple more cards and then i eventually just break it down what happened. i felt bad cause my teammate was still laughing about what happened and she had no idea what was so funny. she took it awesome and had no idea and thought it was cool. after i told her, the game ended simply because we were talking about everything. after about the 3rd bottle, we were talking about anal sex, dick sizes, and just about everything else haha and it was the 4 of us talking about it. it was hilarious and such a chill night. then at like 1am we decided to go skinny dipping in the ocean. it was fuckin freezzinggg! we were there for like 20-30 minutes then me and the girl headed back to the room and left them to fuck on the beach. unfortunately, they didnt because his dick was too sandy and so was her area haha then a security guy came out and saw them so they just came back to the room. when they got back, we drove to mcdonalds and killed some nugs (chicken nuggets) haha they are so bangin when your drunk.

me and my baby

just free talk

It was another successful weekend at the beach. it was just me and my friend (the girl who wanted to have a 3some with me/she knows about me) just hanging out. drove down there friday right after work and when i got there we went to dinner. a local pizza place which was banging. we were gonna see Magic Mike (the movie with the male strippers) but it was sold out so we bought tickets for the saturday night showing. it was a decent movie. i was 1 of 3 guys in the theater and im pretty sure every girl/woman/mom on the island was at the movies that weekend seeing it haha Channing Tatum is a good lookin guy but i liked Matt Bomer better. I completely forgot he was in the movie til after and he is mad sexy too. even with the age difference, i wouldnt mind dating him! and of course Matthew McConaughey was real solid as well. the story line of the movie was okay i guess but for the naked guys dancing on stage, you should check it out. seeing that was a perk of being out to this girl cause if she didnt know, i wouldnt of been able to see it.


but friday night we went back and lit up (first time since christmas) on the beach at night. went out there at 11:30 and didnt come back til 1am. we just sat there and talked. the conversation just kept flowing from one thing to another. we did the same thing saturday but went out at midnight and came in at 2. it was by the best conversations ive had. so chill out there with the ocean breeze and the waves crashin down under the moon. i saw my second shootin star too. we talked literally about everything. her ex bf (my best friend at school/teammate/first person i told) they had a thing for a while but have been fuckin since november and shes pissed cause he doesnt want a relationship. kind of awkward for me since im best friends with both. perks of being the gay best friend and the teammate to the other huh? we also talked about being gay, gay stuff in general, my relationships, our futures, the universe, and other things haha it was awesome and i couldnt be happier that the conversation was with her. i cant wait to have more conversations like those.


im sure everywhere has read that Andersoon Cooper came out (publicly) today. this is awesome because he is a great guy and great role model for others. he is one of my favorite news personel to watch. and i think he is mad sexy too! haha but how could you not think he is cute after watching his giggle fits...at least he is a good sport about it

but here are some pics i thought i would share...

 the view from here condo... i posted one before i think but its too nice not to show again

the beach...there were some surfers out there too which was cool watching

view from the pier...the two big buildings in the back is where she stays

the dude is the hat hooked a 6ft shark! it was fuckin nuts. he was trying to real him in for 40 minutes and when he was about to get the shark out the water, the line snapped. this was on the pier too so people were swimmin somewhat close to this

i tried snappin a pic of the shark. try to see if you can spot him. he is very faint in the picture.

and thought i would share my pain with yall. my sunburn. im lookin like a lobster right now. we went out saturday to the beach but left for lunch and when we came back to lay out for 4 more hours, i didnt reapply sunblock and now im payin for it haha...im just tryin to get rid of the paleness!

...ahhh and i told another guy tonight. just over facebook chat. it was a teammate i played with my freshman year but he left after a semester. we were real close and still talk and just told after talkin with him for a bit. and his response... "ahahaha your fuckin with me" lol he was cool with it though. never thought it and thought it was cool, so one more down! 

Question #6

back with another question that i would like to get some feedback with. (even my second post of the day)...

So the question is... What is the age difference between a guy you would be willing to talk to regarding him being older or younger?

I've heard age is just a number but the whole number thing still effects how i see someone and how appropriate it would be for me to date/sleep with the guy. I tend to find older guys sexy and their look just seems more manly than a younger guy but I still dont think I could date a 35 year old something guy like that. it would be way to weird for me in public and just knowing the views of my friends/family wouldn't think it was right.

I went on two dates with this one guy and he was decent. Good looking, very smart, and nice but he was 25. Me having an older brother who is 26 and an older sister who is 24, it just seemed weird mentally for me to think about dating this guy. (not every guy im gonna date, ill end up marrying but still.) Even with ECCC, it felt weird even though we were only 3 years apart. It would be awesome to find a guy who is a year older or a year younger, maybe 2 but i just feel like anything more than that is stretching it.

These are just my views but i just wanted some opinions from others... so im all ears! haha

drake concert

so this past Wednesday I went to the Drake concert here in Raleigh and it was fuckin sick. he is my favorite rapper and has been for a while. he's humble, intelligent, a thug (some might disagree since he played a character in DeGrassi haha), and his lyrics are very chill. also at the concert was J.Cole, 2 Chainz, and Meek Mill. All of them absolutely killed it and the crowd was going crazy.

It was a decent crowd and since it was super hot out, a lot of the guys were shirtless which of course I didnt mind. the guys here in NC tend to be very fratty. Not a bad style but they all dress the same and have the same haircuts which is kind of weird i think. very conformal...also i was literally in the middle of a fight between these two girls that was so sick. it was crazy and i got pushed a couple times by the surrounding people but it was just mad funny watch this girl the slap these other two girls right across the face then pounce on top of her to take her to the ground. for sure the closest ive ever been to a fight.

well i have videos i was gonna put on here but they aren't working and really, the sound is shit since the bass was so intense at the concert so no worries then.




not video but decent sound quality...this is one my favorite songs by Drake too


same song but from another view. this is towards the back of the arena so you can see how many people were there. it was pretty dope


No Lie by 2 Chainz and Drake... this isn't my video but found it on youtube and this is actually really close to where i was sitting. i have a video but you cant hear anything from it

relationships

So last weekend I was in Nashville for my older brothers wedding. It was a great time. Seeing family I haven't seen since I was like 10 and meeting family I've never met before was awesome. (i've got some goodlooking relatives I didn't know about ) And then to see my immediate family is always a blast. With my relatives, I got the typical questions like: do I have a girlfriend, when will I get a girlfriend, have I been seeing someone, you should come up to where I live so we can go to the bars and pick up girls (the usual). Clearly Im not out to them and they have no idea. No one outside my immediate family knows and not sure if they ever will.

The night before the wedding, we did like a watered-down bachelor party since my brother couldnt do one prior to the wedding due to work. So we went downtown and had a blast. My brother might of had too much fun cause the next morning, his head was in the toilet for a good four hours. He felt like shit and regretted going out the night before. But in the end, he cleaned up and we made it on time to do pictures.

Seeing my brother up there and my new sister was a crazy feeling. Honestly, I couldnt believe he was getting married. I feel like we are still so young even though he is 26 and has been dating his wife for 6 years now (long I know and they knew as well lol). I got teary eyed when they were doing their vows and my brother even started tearing up. Im not much of an emotional guy but seeing such powerful things being said between two people really hits the heart hard. I cant be any happier for the two of them and I absolutely love his wife. She is so chill and super nice and cant wait for them to have a kid so I can be the cool uncle and spoil the kid (better be a boy though).

But as this relates to what I was thinking, I really want to feel those feelings like they have for another guy. I want to be able to bring him home to the family and have him meet my brothers and sisters and have him feel the love of my family. I want to love another guy to where I cant see myself with anyone else. As for the whole wedding thing, i dont know if it would be a huge celebration or just a quiet thing between the two of us, I guess that will be decided if I ever meet someone but I just want to experience that 'love' feeling. Sounds cheesy and corny I know but I feel like being gay makes it that more lonely and harder to deal with this type of thing. Especially since I'm still considered 'straight' to more than 9/10 of the people I know. Finding someone like me and in the same situation makes it so much fuckin harder.

When I go out back at school, the guys that know will point out the gay guys (the obvious ones with the lisp and odd body actions...not that i have anything against them, just not my type) and tell me I should talk to them or hook up with them. Well those clearly aren't my type of guys. It gets annoying when they do this cause they dont understand how easy they have it if they feel like finding a girl. The guys Im attracted to are ones you would never expect. After knowing them years and you wouldn't suspect a thing are the guys I would love to find and talk to. Having such a disguise makes it hard for another gay guy to find them. ( I guess I could be missing opportunities since Im not out and potentially another gay guy could be at my school and doesnt know about me so kind of a sticky situation) It just sucks it what Im trying to say. I would love to have a relationship and be able to talk with the guy about anything and everything. I know the chances are pretty slim about this and probs gonna be awhile as well. I feel like I'm recognizing this even more since this internship. I workout, go to work, play soccer, and repeat. Same shit every day and not a guy to just talk to.

I did want to start possibly trying to date but this leaves me up to online sites. Im kind of on the fence about them. I guess its the only way for me to potentially find someone due to my situation but I think it would be way sick to find a guy in person through common interests. Last night I did go out and get drinks with a guy from a (dating) site. And Ive tried all types of sites but none of them really live up to the expectations that I would have for them. But the guy I met up with last night was fun. We only chatted for maybe two days online then since we both had nothing going on yesterday decided to get drinks. He showed me around downtown which was nice. Hung out for like 5 hours just talking over drinks. It was good conversation and not to many awkward silences which was good. He isn't the athletic type I've always wanted but he is the smart guy which is nice. He did offer for me to go back to his place since he lived 10 minutes away and I was 30 but I declined and went home alone. Thought about it the whole way home and wasnt sure if I made the right choice. I didnt plan on sleeping or doing anything with him but just thinking about being able to law with a guy stayed on my mind for a while. Not sure where its gonna go but i dont know I might see him again.

well just another random post that probably doesnt make sense but main point is, i want a relationship. with a gay guy who seems straight. haha