127 hours

Watched the movie 127 Hours last night and it was sickkkk. Such a good movie. I recommend it to everyone. There are some pretty gruesome parts so you might have to turn away for them but other than that, its a badass movie. The movie has an awesome message as well and goes perfectly with the new me haha

(Here is the link if you can't view it full screen...)

there is no force on earth

more powerful than the will to live

me and the ball

(Pic taken today at the field)

Went to the field today by myself just to juggle and do some running. Got some things done and felt good to get outside with the weather we had today. I seriously could stay at the field all day, its so peaceful being just me and my ball. Everything is so right and I don't have to worry about anything in the world. Its kind of like my freedom I wish I always had. 

After being out there for over an hour by myself, the new kid from Panama on our team came out there to shoot. He just came this semester and is pretty shy. We passed and did some shooting then I sat down and did some abs while he continued to shoot. After about 15 minutes, he sat down and we just started talking about life. About what we want to do after school and whats life like back home for him. He said some things that kind of made me think. First, you got to appreciate everything we have in this country. He was saying that people who play professional soccer back there have side jobs like driving cabs and stuff. Could you even imagine if Brett Favre picked you up to take you to the next block over! He said people there are treated with no respect and its just a different world. The kid is from Panama City which is the capital so its not like a small slum or anything. He said its just a different world really. He already loves it here and wants to get an education and hopefully make it professionally. He said he took a risk to come here in order to follow his dreams and he was saying that you have to take risks in order to succeed. I couldn't agree more with what he was saying. It was really cool to just talk with him for the first time and see what he had to say. We talked about religion, family, soccer, just a bunch of random stuff. I love talking to people about their background and getting to know people more than just the basic stuff. Everyone has their own story to tell I think.  

This song is so sick! If anything, just listen to the first 23 seconds.

To Dream is to Live Life to its Full Potential

the new me

 Update-just some new jams

Well over the past year, I have for sure changed. The most obvious is that I have (somewhat) come to terms with my lil secret and have told some family and close friends. There really isn't much else I can do with that besides just do me. Now instead of focusing on that, Im trying to better myself by taking it to the next level in soccer, school, and just me.

I watched an ESPN documentary the other day on Tim Tebow called "Between the Lines" (I think lol). Some sports fans might not like him and hate him for the way he is as a player, since Im not too big of a football fan, I could care less about it. But this documentary caught my eye because it showed his lead up to the draft from his last college game. It was basically a time-line of his work and practicing in order to get drafted. I had NO idea how much this guy works at his sport. I feel like I should do the same. Its something I love and its the thing that lets me be me. So I have started doing extra things on my own to take me to that next level. Im not necessarily trying to get drafted for the MLS or anything, but playing professional after college would be sick as fuck. I really just want to do my part and help my team become something big. Get our name on the map. Im just trying to make the difference...

I know this has nothing to do with anything but thought I would write about it. If you love something, work for it. You can do anything you put your mind too. Cliche I know, but I honestly feel this is the truth.

This poster is right above my desk that Im at everyday. I know its soccer related, but you can relate it to anything.  Its just a reminder for me to make the difference...

another down

Well I told my brother last night and it went well. I did the email thing again. I feel like a bitch for doing it that way but I honestly couldnt tell him over the phone and not sure when I will see him next. He lives in Nashville and does his own thing there. He replied back saying it didnt matter and wanted to know when I play in the spring so he could come out and watch. And that I can stay at his place over the summer if I decide to play in Nashville for a team. So pretty happy it went that way and glad I finally got it over with! haha

But thats about it really. Gonna try to post again tomorrow on my new attitude thing I got going on lol 

later kids

solid first full week

The first full week of school for this semester has been a pretty good one. Classes werent too bad and Im alive from the fitness tests haha. Thankfully we are done with the testing but now we just have fitness every morning. Im just glad its not timed or whatever, I hate racing against the clock! And it feels sooooo good to be back playing. After the fitness tests, we would do ball work for about 30 then end up playing. I was doin work too! haha Yesterday and today my team won so I was happy with that and I put some goals away. Hopefully this spring season is a good one for me.

Not much else has happened. Super glad my dad knows. I havent talked to him since but we dont talk to much while Im at school, he likes to give me my space. Think Im gonna ask my mom if I should tell my brother tonight. Even if she says no, I probably will still tell him. I just want to get that over with and be done with telling family members.

This song right here is my jam! Its been on repeat for the last 2 weeks. Im not really a T.I. fan but his new cd, No Mercy, goes so harddd! Not sure if it yalls type of music but its like motivation for me and it calms me down at the same time. It was my first song I had on my playlist this morning while running our 3 mile.

(just pause the uptop playlist if your trying to listen)

Thats about it. I hope everyone is doing well!

spring training :/

Updated!!

Tomorrow we start our spring training and its going to blooowww!! We have lifting every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday and now we have fitness at 7 am everyday. This week we have fitness tests everyday. We do a 3-mile loop around our school, beep test, then two others tests that our coach made up. They all suck and are fucking killer. Im not looking forward to it and I have been dreading this shit since I got out for Christmas break lol

Not much is new other than that really. Pretty routine stuff since classes started. Havent told anyone else and not sure if I will. I guess thats about it and hope everyone is doing good!

ps-if you havent seen Easy A, you should! that movie was pretty hilarious! saw it twice within the week

(New songs are up)

Update:

Well now my dad knows. He just called me to see what I was up to like every other time he calls me. We talk about once or twice a week while at school just because he doesnt like to bug me like my mom does calling me twice a day. But he asked me about the letter I wrote my mom and asked me some typical questions to see if I would stay like this. He said it was a huge shock and he found out a couple days ago but wanted to take a couple of days to think about it. In the end he said he still loved me and it wouldnt change how we are towards each other and how he would treat me. I would be treated and loved the same as the other kids in the family. I started crying when he told me that and he asked why I was. I wasnt really sure why I was either and I tried to stop but it was hard too. It wasnt like balling or anything but just a simple cry lol. (dont want to sound like a bitch or something). Im glad he knows now and I was actually gonna tell him pretty soon. Now I dont have too thankfully.

Thats about it and now getting back to wining about fitness in the morning :(

I do blog!

My macro-economics teacher today asked if anyone in class writes a blog and only one person in our class raised their hand but it wasnt me. I dont think he was talking about a in the closest, gay blog about life so I kept my hand down. And my teammate sat right next to me and I knew a good amount of kids in the class so didnt want any questions about what I write about lol The teacher was just making a point that in order for my generation to gets jobs out of college, we will have to be technically sound and be able to work on/with computers. And that we have to have effect ways of communicating certain topics and be able to network. I presonally think I will be able to do all that so im good :) lol

But this got me thinking as well...Why do people read my blog? Im up to nearly 100 followers and I personally think my life is boring as fuck lol. When I started this blog, it was for me to clear my thoughts and just vent on my inner gayness. Over time, I have seen it has helped others so I continue to write and it helps me so its a win-win. But I just wonder why you the readers have decided to read my blog. Please leave a comment or let me know! I just want to know why my blog means something to you.

Also, I just want to point this out, I feel like Im so much more gay when I write here. It might be because I just think gay people show emotion more and thats what I do here. I dont mind or care really cause there are a certain few that know me but just had to get that off my chest lol

Well thats about it. Nothing new really besides classes started today and my Tuesday/Thursday classes are going to blow and might be the end of my GPA :/ but other than that, nothing interesting. Hope everyone who reads this is doing well and take it easy people!